Aibu to think the parents of the Syria girls need to take a bit more responsibility?

[exmrs]

On the news today the parents are demanding an apology from the police as the police knew apparently a friend of theirs had already gone to Syria and the police didn't contact them.
I find it strange that they don't take a bit more responsibility to the situation.

Why didn't they know what was going on in in their daughters lives?
They are the parents and they seem to blame everyone but themselves or the girls.
To blame the police is ridiculous , the girls made the choice to go

Commander shepherd obviously Isis have blame in this but do you not think the girls have any blame whatsoever?

I asked previously to another poster who called the girls victims if the girls go on to kill are they still victims and blameless? I don't think they are victims they have made their choice

I would imagine (although cannot be certain) that children are perhaps initially interviewed without their parents' knowledge because of the possibility that any radicalisation may be happening within the family, so to ask for prior consent may alert any family member who is party to the radicalisation of their child and enable to coach them first....

I remeber being on holiday with all my siblings (as adults) and having a chat about the "bad" things we did when younger that we thought we'd got away with (booze, bunking off school, secret boy friends... nothing like joining a death cult).

It turns out that not only did the siblings know all about it, so did everyone else, including our parents and the next door neighbours..

The head of the Met Police has said that if they girls return they won't face charges.

Yet today another teenager from London, Silhan Ozcelik, was remanded in custody and accused of trying to join Kurdish fighters.

So joining a group trying to hold back a genocidal assault against their territory gets you remanded to Holloway, but heading off to join a bunch of fascist head-choppers, determined to murder or enslave everyone with a different belief, gets you a free pass?

It looks that way, Break, but only if you're female.

Well, teenage boys don't head off to join ISIS because they want to get married to fighters, which is the most likely explanation here.

My feeling is that if they get in touch and want to come back they'll have been through more than enough already.

Well they cant just 'come back'

God knows what they would be capable of

I've just been reading the thread and several people have questioned whether the parents have very good English in light of the fact that they seem to have other people speaking for them. If that is indeed the case then the letters (presumably written in English) wouldn't have done them much good anyway would they.

I'm not so sure they are actually blaming themselves, I can't help thinking that it didn't take them very long to find themselves a bolshy solicitor. If my daughter had run away it would be the last thing on my mind.

Well when I was 15, if I didn't want my parents to know something, I was damn good at keeping stuff from them. So blaming the parents for not knowing is just silly.

It's funny that attaching terrorism to any situation suddenly makes it black and white. If these girls' were groomed to join a cult and were indoctrinated with all kinds of shit to get them to commit crimes, would we still be calling them criminals. They probably won't be used to comit torture or murder but used as domestic slaves, whose purpose is to service men and bear children.

I suspect the parents are over doing the "we could have stopped them" rhetoric but I can totally understand their anger at not being given a heads up (sending a letter home with the girls' was just stupid), when the school and Police had information.

As other posters have mentioned, there is a good chance these parents' won't see their children again and the pain and fear that that knowledge must invoke, must be terrifying.

News agencies are reporting that turkey has arrested a canadian agent for assisting the girls get to syria. There certainly seems to be more than meets the eye here. Their journey from the uk to syria seems very smooth and well planned.

I don't blame the parents, but I do blame the girls and those who helped them get there.

"Assistant commissioner Rowley said: “We have no evidence in this case that these three girls are responsible for any terrorist offences. They have no reason to fear, if nothing else comes to light, that we will be treating them as terrorists.”"

I added the bold. That's a very important "if"

If these girls' were groomed to join a cult

It's not the same though.
Cults are secretive and often they would know what they are joining until it was too late.
IS is well known.

If my child was being groomed or at risk and the police saw fit to send a letter I would be angry too.

The ignorance about monitoring Internet use on this thread barr a few demonstrates why all of our children are easy targets. Unless you physically sit in the same room as a person it is incredibly easy to hide all or bits of your history.

The ignorance about radicalisation and grooming is equally worrying. Those doing the grooming will have told the girls to act like 'normal'. Most radicalised people come from liberal families, And are radicalised in a matter of weeks. Teenage girls are incredibly impressionable as they like to think they are grown up. If your teenager was being moody and secretive would you immediately jump to grooming or just think 'typical teen'.

To have no empathy with the parents is awful.

As for victim blaming, society blame social workers, the police and teachers for not protecting at risk children, why is this different?

If a child/teen runs away from home on the ordinary way (ie not running off to war etc) then does the social services get involved on his/her return as a matter of course?

Why were they helped to get there? By whom? Who facilitated their journey?

Surely these are now important questions right now than how much the parents are to blame. And would the responses here be the same if the girls were white non muslim 15 year old school girls?

I think if I were Muslim, today I would have to think my teenager was at risk of being influenced by hardline fundamentalists. Tis now a given I'm afraid.

Just like in the town I live in I can virtually guarantee my older teenager now comes into contact with proselytising drug users and so I've been giving an alternative view.

The police have given a potential pathway back for these particular girls. I think they are very lucky in that tbh and it is because at this point there is no indication they have gone to wield a gun or supervise war crimes.

The girls will basically be prisoners now, likely to be killed if they try to return to the Uk.

The biggest fear for such parents is that their girls will become 'western' - whatever evils they associate with that - sluts, whose, druggies, boozers, whatever - and 'shame' the family.

I can't see many parents taking the threat seriously that their 'ordinary' good girl is ripe picking for the lunatics.

I suspect if they ever do come to their senses, they will be told that they will go to prison if they return, their familes will be deported, or that they will kill them if they try to leave. I'm sure I've heard of some men who have become disillusioned being executed for trying to leave.

funnyossity you are so right. My dh is muslim and we are raising our children as muslim. Because Islamic fundamentalism is a real threat in his home country his family have always been aware of this risk with young people in their family. We are even more aware because we know children from a mixed background often are searching for an identity. Therefore my dh is very alert and proactive on these issues. However we know there a lot of muslim families in our area who really don't care about there kids growing up to be moderate.

lem - why don't they care about their kids growing up to be moderate? Can anything be done about that, in your DH's view?

I'm sure that all the publicity around these 3 girls will have been a wake-up call in the Muslim community. Some parents may want their children to grow up strict Muslims, but that's a far cry from wanting them to join IS in Syria.

And now it's reported the solicitor is crowing that "effectively this is immunity"

Has anyone considered what kind of a message the police statement sends?? Stick to the claims of victimhood, blame someone else for absolutely everything and hey presto - welcome to the UK

I'll say it once more: the safety of the vast majority should matter more than the wishes of people who join organisations like this

I feel desperately sorry for the parents.They are probably sitting blaming themselves for what has happened, but are lashing out at the police (its not their fault). Probably sat and thought "won't happen to MY child, they are too sensible"
As a mum of a 16 year old, it's really hard to know what they are up to at all times.I know my parents didn't know everything. If they want to hide something-they will! They probably wont see those girls again.
I still wonder how the airlines and airports didn't question three young girls travelling to Turkey alone.I know one stole her sisters passport, but jeez, even if the airlines didn't pick this up, why didn't security?

Puzzle - the parents have not joined "organisations like this."
The police need to work with the Muslim community to prevent as many young people as possible heading off to Syria. That includes communicating effectively with them. A mistake was made, and it is right that that was acknowledged. The Muslim community, including parents and mosques, need to look at what they need to do as well.

Young people are allowed to travel alone, from much younger than those 3 were, under the airlines' own rules. There is no requirement on airlines not to allow them to travel, or to quiz them or report them.