to refuse to have any sort of meal with MIL again?

[OneHappyBunny]

When she makes a meal, she has to clean everything before she'll eat her own. So today, at lunchtime, we had the kids sitting down at the table, she serves everything and then proceeds to wash all of the dishes, wipe down the oven, put on a washing and then sit down finally to eat her own. When she finally does sit down, she gulps her food (seriously, a penguin chews more than she does) and leaps back up again to start cleaning up our plates!

I feel so rude because DD is only 3 and she can't wait to eat, and then gets bored. DH just eats as soon as he gets his because he says she's always done this and he's not going through life eating cold food.

I really like her as a person and I'd like to sit down and eat with her and talk about her week but my goodness this drives me MAD.

I do a bit of this but I never expect people to wait. I just like to sit, eat and enjoy it without having thinking of the washing up, or to do the clearing up whilst your stuffed.

One of my first boyfriends, his mum did this. By the time she got to the table, having served everyone and tidied up, and my boyfriend and his dad were tucking in, she would sit down and eat a tiny amount, then leap up the second the men had finished eating so that she could clear their plates and bring their dessert out. I found it really really strange. My mum, yes she'd tidy up as she went along but no way would she stay in the kitchen to clean while there was company at the table. And it was drummed into me that it was impolite to start eating before everyone was at the table together.

I gave up trying to be 'polite' and ended up just eating with the men as she clearly expected me to. Poor woman, she came so far down the pecking order in that family. I was too young to really understand the dynamics at the time but am really glad now that I didn't end up with him for life!

You are a better woman than me lovereading. I find roasts a massive hassle. Took 4 of us to make christmas dinner. Give me a nice chilli any day make day before then heat through guests help themselves to that and rice. None of the chopping/draining/carving/whisk the bread sauce, time it all right palaver.

ah well Kerala, that might be it. I don't do whisking, bread sauce, home-made yorkshires, cauliflower cheese etc etc etc that some people do with roast dinners.

Lump of meat. Roast potatoes. Several vegetables. Enough already.

Still think roasts a right pain particularly with a large number. Peeling potatoes for 14? Sod that stick some rice in a pan life's too short!

OP I understand your frustration as my Mum used to be a bit like this, though now she is older and slower she has got more relaxed about things. When I lived at home it used to irritate me no end and sometimes I would refuse to start eating until she sat down. Then she would get wound up and want us to start but she wouldn't stop her pointless faffing she would just continue to faff but ty to do it a bt quicker!

I am amazed how many people on here say they are the same, so maybe it is an anxiety thing that you will jusyhave to accept.

However:
She doesn't like my cooking

This I would find really offensive. Has she ever said this is the case or are you just assuming it? I would want to counter the situation by insisting that she comes to you at least as often as you go to her and then not let her help when she is with you.

Yes, the bit about not liking your cooking, that just struck me as your assumption because she doesn't eat the food you make, but then she doesn't eat the food she makes, or the food made in a restaurant either! It's could well be you've all accepted this "doesn't like my cooking" thing without thinking it's just something about eating that's the issue, not what you made...

In that case, buffet could well be the easiest way to help her not have to deal with fear of full plate sat at a table, all served at the same time...