Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Bless you"

248 replies

Thistledew · 08/03/2015 12:06

I'm not talking about a response to a sneeze, but AIBU to find it patronising and irritating to my atheist ears when people decide to "bless" me for just going about my daily life.

I have a couple of Christian relatives who do this. Some recent examples when they have let the need to say "bless you" have included me serving them lunch at my house, or telling them about time I have spent with an elderly and frail relative (not a chore, I enjoy spending time with them) or talking about a health problem that I am working to overcome. It seems I can't tell them about anything that is part of my daily life without them saying "Oh Bless you"! I don't need or want any special recognition for something that is quite ordinary to me.

I think it annoys me in part because amongst non Christians "Awww, bless!" is what you might say when seeing something cute and slightly daft, and it surprises me that my Christian relatives don't seem to realise this. Also, it seems to be part of a bigger picture of them being quite condescending about their faith any my lack of it, and it feels a bit like them saying "I'm Christian and wonderful and can hand out blessings when you manage so well at daily life despite your lack of faith".

So AIBU to be irritated by this? Should I feel grateful? Or do I just need to work harder at letting it fade into white noise?

OP posts:
TravelinColour · 09/03/2015 11:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

capsium · 09/03/2015 11:07

And cultural beliefs do affect people's decision making processes. For example, the whole baby led real food weaning as opposed to starting with purees. Different advice on co sleeping. Either can work for different people.

ZoomZoomToTheMoon · 09/03/2015 11:07

Oh yes I know, God moves in mysterious ways and it's all just too complex for non-believers to grasp – a handy explanation for the fact that being all-loving, all-powerful and all-knowing doesn't quite tie in with being vengeful, wiping out the earth's population in a fit of pique, and so on.

It's not "arrogant" to question this stuff. Tell that to Galileo. Galileo was right, the church wasn't. That process is still ongoing. Non-believers have rational thought on our side and it's our right to question beliefs that don't make sense.

capsium · 09/03/2015 11:12

No, it's not arrogant to question Zoom.

Believers also have rational thought on their side too - we are capable of it. Belief and non-belief does not concern rational thought, since is is belief. You cannot prove or disprove God.

ErrolTheDragon · 09/03/2015 11:13

I hope they state in their wills or wherever that they do not wish to have a religious burial ceremony when they die as it would be against their beliefs.

A lot of people do. I know a Humanist celebrant who can't keep up with the demand for his services for funerals.

BubblesInMyBath · 09/03/2015 11:16

It is handy isn't it zoom.

Iv been in both camps, the one where I thought I only understood it because I had this magical insight due to being a believer

And the one where the scales fell away and I realised that the bible is an amazing collection of writings, of which we now know there are far more writings that weren't included, which portray so many different things. Mary Magdelene being head of the church instead of Peter for example,

antumbra · 09/03/2015 11:16

Of the past 4 funerals I have been to none have mentioned god. Our local crematorium has a secular service as the default position. Anyone who wants god there has to ask for it or make their own arrangements.

SuggestmeaUsername · 09/03/2015 11:17

Am pleased to hear that dragon.

ZoomZoomToTheMoon · 09/03/2015 11:20

Same here. The only funeral I've been to in church was a very elderly lady who was at the heart of village life and wanted to be buried in the church graveyard with her family. He religious beliefs weren't strong but it was a community thing for her.

The others have been in crematoriums and God wasn't mentioned.

iklboo · 09/03/2015 11:21

I've been to more non-religious funerals than religious ones. No mention of religion at my wedding & DS hasn't - and won't - be christened / baptised, unless he chooses to do so himself when he is older. If he DOES choose to do so or follow a religion then that's his prerogative.

Pantone363 · 09/03/2015 11:22

Rabid atheist checking in.

Couldn't give a toss if someone blesses me, just say thanks and move on.

antumbra · 09/03/2015 11:24

suggest- so much for the church being an essential part of life.

I have been married, have a parent die, had kids and have not set foot in a church since I was forced to at school.

SuggestmeaUsername · 09/03/2015 11:30

That's fine Iklboo. I hope if DS chooses to do so when he is older, that he won't be berated and abused for being religious whatever faith he may choose to believe in

BarbarianMum · 09/03/2015 11:33

I'm a rabid atheist.

I'm certainly not upset or put out by somebody taking a couple of seconds to be kind to me though. Can always do with a bit more kindness.

SuggestmeaUsername · 09/03/2015 11:34

good for you antumbra. respect to you for following your convictions. Please allow others to follow their beliefs though without being berated for doing so. Respect and consideration for each other is all that is needed here

antumbra · 09/03/2015 11:42

But I don't see much respect for my atheist views. If religious fanatics keep their faith to themselves then i would be happy. But they don't- they seek to proselytize and evangelize, they feed my kids crap at school, they even have unelected positions in government simply because of their faith.

I don't see much respect and consideration there.

MajesticWhine · 09/03/2015 12:12

Atheists need to decide if god exists and they are angry with his/her actions or god doesn't exist. You can't have it both ways. Personally I do not believe in god. Therefore I am not angry with god for the death of babies or anything else. And I am able to have respect (and a bit of envy) for those who do have faith.

iklboo · 09/03/2015 12:13

Not by me or DH he won't. We discuss all religions with DS. What he chooses to believe is up to him. Likewise if he is or remains atheist I hope he won't be abused or vilified by those with a religion for his choice.

antumbra · 09/03/2015 12:14

majestic- no that isn't the pointy. Zoom summed things up well in this post:

"I think Stephen Fry's point was that if there is a god, all the supposed evidence indicates he's not very nice. So his response, if he met God, would be to challenge him as to why.

Taking that line does not mean you think there is a god. But you can take issue with that personage described in the bible and point out that they are a genocidal maniac - whether or not they actually exist."

Sallyingforth · 09/03/2015 12:17

If religious fanatics keep their faith to themselves then i would be happy.

Such a pity that some atheist fanatics won't do the same.

Your belief that there is no God does not trump the belief of those who believe in a God. Their belief is just as valid as yours.

The fact that you cannot understand this is your problem, not theirs.

SuggestmeaUsername · 09/03/2015 12:17

less respect coming from you if you refer to our belief's as crap. You can have this discussion and debate in a way that does not offend.

You make it sound like you and your children are constantly bombarded with this which I am sure is not the case.

This is also a country of democratic speech. Am sure you are often given leaflets etc from political parties. You may disagree with all or some of these parties but that is your right and you are free to argue your views. Is the same with religion. You are free to argue how you feel and to listen to what others have to say. Luckily we are able to do these things in this country. You are welcome to present your atheist views.

You are right in that religious figures have unelected positions in government as do many secular figures. I do not argue that there are more non religious figures in government than religious figures. I would argue that why are there any unelected figures in government.

however, how we all go about this debate, it does not help to say things such as our belief's are crap as that is just being insulting. I would not say your atheist views are crap. I would say I dont agree with your views. so lets show respect and consideration in a mature way on here

antumbra · 09/03/2015 12:19

I have no belief - the same as the default position of children. We are all born atheists.

SuggestmeaUsername · 09/03/2015 12:21

*"beliefs" and not "belief's"!

LarrytheCucumber · 09/03/2015 12:30

I am a Christian, but when my sister says 'Bless you' in similar circumstances to the ones you describe it really does come across as patronising so I identify with you OP. I avoid saying it myself.

SuggestmeaUsername · 09/03/2015 12:44

We are not born atheists. atheism is a point of view. babies obviously do not have the intellectual ability to form a view either way.