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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Apparently I'm unreasonable to cancel Mothers Day

86 replies

Harrietsferrets · 07/03/2015 21:30

But only in this house. MIL will still get her stuff and DM will still get stuff from me. I just felt that the lack of anything approaching help or even doing anything asked would not be cancelled out on one day by a bunch of wilting daffs or something from the school sale that I paid for.

Kids are 12, 9 and 8. Husband won't remember unless I tell him.

OP posts:

mommy2ash · 07/03/2015 21:35

my dd is eight she would be heartbroken if i cancelled mothers day. im a single mother so usually its something she made in school or she gives me breakfast in bed (cereal and a drink)

is there more going on here to make you feel this way? is it with your relationship with your husband?

won't your kids care?

MiddleAgeMiddleEngland · 07/03/2015 21:36

I'd be tempted to leave a note: "Bread in breadbin, cheese and salad in fridge. Help yourself. I've gone out for lunch alone."

CatsBollocks · 07/03/2015 21:37

YABU. It's very unfair on the children to cancel it especially if they have put work into anything home made for you.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 07/03/2015 21:39

Your title hints that you've already announced it? How was the news taken?

BuzzardBird · 07/03/2015 21:41

It's not about you OP!

Heels99 · 07/03/2015 21:43

I would book myself onto something lovely that I wanted to do. Get up and go have fun, by yourself or with a friend.

vestandknickers · 07/03/2015 21:45

Wow! You do sound a bit harsh.

Original poster

Harrietsferrets · 07/03/2015 21:45

They don't make stuff as the school runs a Mother's Day sale. Which I helped with, they made sure they had bought Nanny something and I did remind them to get MIL ( am hoping she likes the slightly pyscadelic floral monster handbag they got her, its large, loud and very obviously there) I must just be in a grump, although when I said I was cancelling all I got was a shrug and an eye roll from the eldest. I am going to not mention anything about dates or such, will probably avoid FB that weekend as the gushing, bragging posts may well send me screaming for the hills.

OP posts:

mrsfuzzy · 07/03/2015 21:47

harriet, i'm an old cynic, never have done mothers day even when the kids were young, they'd do stuff at school for me and l was happy with that,b ut as they got older, 'let them off', every day should be special, i hate the commercial crap attached to it, same goes for '... day' , '... day' etc and please don't get me on easter eggs ! l know i'm mega dull !

TheJiminyConjecture · 07/03/2015 21:49

You sound really fed up, hopefully if you explain why you feel the way you do they'll buck their ideas up

Want2bSupermum · 07/03/2015 21:52

Oh I get you. I really do. It's heartbreaking to be the one who does all the housework. If I don't do it or tell DH to do it it doesn't get done.

Your kids are old enough to help. I already have my 3 and 2 year old help. DS is a whizz at putting away the regular cutlery (no sharp knives) and DD does things such as fold towels, makes her bed etc. The more they help the more stickers they earn. For every five stickers they get a prize like a small box of yoghurt raisins. 10 prizes they get to pick out an activity.

Don't cancel mothers day instead break the cycle.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 07/03/2015 21:53

I would love a bunch of wilting daffodils, a homemade card (DC 7, 5 and 1) and a cup of tea in bed. Anything after that would be most welcome, but we're fairly low key folk with that kind of thing.

ChillySundays · 07/03/2015 21:56

I am a bit gobsmacked that your DH will not know it Mothers Day. Unless you are a hermit without any tv etc you can't possible not know - there are adverts everywhere. I know it is not the same date very year bit it does happen every year so not hard to google it to find the date. It's lazy not to do anything

Although my DH is good and we always go out and he always bought something from the DC and now they are older he nags them I do not go on to facebook to brag. And I don't want to see what everyone else has got

I do understand how you feel though. My DC are late teens and how I would love one day when they put their plates in the dishwasher and took their clean clothes upstairs. What a present - I can but dream

WorraLiberty · 07/03/2015 21:57

If your DH doesn't remember, it's quite likely because you've taken it upon yourself to buy things for his Mum. That's not your job.

Original poster

Harrietsferrets · 07/03/2015 22:04

I am BU then. Was expecting to be told this. I buy for the MIL from the kids, he's big enough and ugly enough to get his own stuff. He also has the memory span of a goldfish. Nor does he do valentines or wedding anniversaries. He is as romantic as a brick.

Am due on so small things that normally don't to get me are doing so tonight.

OP posts:

Topseyt · 07/03/2015 22:06

I don't really do Mothers' Day either. It is another commercial event and an excuse for pubs and restaurants to hike prices.

I enjoy anything my daughters give me, and I will send a card to my own mum.

Other than that it will be like any other Sunday.

Topseyt · 07/03/2015 22:17

Not sure whether or not my husband will do mothers' day this year. I shan't push it either as it is the first one since his mum died last year.

dustarr73 · 07/03/2015 22:23

Next year buy your Mum something and dont buy for MIL its Mothers Day.Its up to her son to get her something.

I go out every ear and dp has the kids,this year im going to Waterford for the weekend and i cant wait.Its supposed to be what YOU want to do.So just do that.

stealthsquiggle · 07/03/2015 22:28

Cancel it as in don't actively do anything about it - not unreasonable at all. Turn down something if the do DC present you with it - definitely unreasonable.

We happened to browse into a card shop this afternoon, and I was buying something for my DM. As we came out I said to DS "nice shop" and he said "yes, I have lots of inspiration for what I want to make for mothers' day". That made me very happy indeed - that he (and, it seems, DD too) was planning what they wanted to make me, rather than nagging DH, or, worse, me, for money to throw at the problem. It would be very ungracious to turn down something that they had put time and effort into.

ftmsoon · 07/03/2015 22:32

Why do you buy for your MIL from your DC? It's Mother's day, Grandparents day is later in the year. I have never bought for my grandmas and don't intend to start buying for my DM or MIL from DD either! It's my first Mother's day this year, so I have yet to see what DD (10mo) manages.

zeezeek · 07/03/2015 22:39

I've not bought my own mother anything for about 40 years and, frankly, I don't give a shit if it bothers her. She hasn't been a mother to me, so what's the point of being hypocritical?

I've also made it clear in the 7 years that I've been a mother that I'm not interested in anything to do with mother's day and they just seem confused by the whole concept.

MistressDeeCee · 07/03/2015 22:54

My mother is a raging narcissist, very stressful to be around. I barely see her and won't be getting her anything either. I have a really good relationship with my DDs, Im not over-fussed about Mothers Day but they like to take me out or get me presents, & Im happy about that. OH's mum passed away in March years ago, so he is very low key about it I just go off with my girls.

In a way some of these "celebration days" can be a real shitty reminder of what you dont have, tho

alleypalley · 07/03/2015 22:58

I also don't get why dc are buying for grandmothers for Mother's Day.

My dh is away this year so me and the dc will probably bake a cake, then go to the park, then come home and eat cake. I don't live near my dm but I send her a card and flowers each year (then pass the iPad to dh to do the same for his dm).

ChillySundays · 07/03/2015 23:24

Flowers from me, DH and the DC but never a separate present from the DC.

Pancakeflipper · 07/03/2015 23:33

They are treating me this year. On Friday I was near a fav old shop of mine so bought myself something. Handed it all to DP this morning who remarked "but you've not wrapped it"

Cannot wait.

No watching DP legging it Sunday morning to the shop for daffs.

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