Apparently I'm unreasonable to cancel Mothers Day

[Harrietsferrets]

But only in this house. MIL will still get her stuff and DM will still get stuff from me. I just felt that the lack of anything approaching help or even doing anything asked would not be cancelled out on one day by a bunch of wilting daffs or something from the school sale that I paid for.

Kids are 12, 9 and 8. Husband won't remember unless I tell him.

Just have a day out by yourself somewhere nice.

You can't force people to appreciate you, and there's no point getting upset if they don't. You can't change it, you know? If they don't appreciate you then 1 day doesn't make that all better does it, and if they do then you don't need cards and stuff to validate that because it gets expressed more than once a year.

I'd just smile say thanks if they give you anything (but don't expect anything) and have a nice day out. Maybe the following week though so it gives you something to look forward to and doesn't look like you're having a tantrum or something.

I know how you feel op my sister has decided not to visit, no doubt she is going out to lunch somewhere nice with her children/ husband , my brother won't bother so its up to me to take mum out, which they knew I would, so it will just be me and mum like every weekend. However I am going to treat us to a meal out and if they can't be bothered it's on their conscience as she's in her 80's.
My youngest daughter I could easily say don't send me a card we haven't had the easiest relationship lately and if I get a nice card then I will bite my lip and say thanks but it doesn't make up for the way I am spoken/treated the rest of the year but I will continue to hope one day she will realise how much she has hurt me, so agree with others and say treat yourself we can't change others but we still deserve a nice day .

away your situation with your own mum sounds similar to mine - we visit every Sunday anyway and I have no siblings so DD and I are the only local family.

For me to have a "day off" for mother's day, I have to spend the whole day before and after doing all the jobs in getting out of on mothers day.

Mother's Day is just a pain as far as I am concerned. It has clashed with my birthday a few times which means you can't go out for lunch without having to eat some overpriced rubbish with bad service (I guess I should be grateful it's not on or near Valentine's Day).

I used to give my nana a card for Mother's Day but my son does not give either of his nanas a card, he gives one to me, I give one to my mum, my dh gives one to MIL. I've always ignored Grandparent's Day as it's a made-up day (none of the grandparents have said anything to me or my husband about it).

This weekend we are visiting my dad as it's his birthday on Monday, and so will be visiting him on Mother's Day rather than my mum!

oh buggering hell, I need to find something to send to the mothership.
she doesn't want nor need anything.
she hasn't bothered with me for a couple of years.
She hasn't ever met my 2 year old.

meanwhile, MIL has informed us that we are going there to see her on sunday.
(we were anyway, I just resent it being assumed - it's my mothering sunday too!)

sorry you have troubles over it, i'd be happy to ignore the whole thing too

Sandgrowns post is the most sensible on this thread.

It sounds a bit petulant and childish to 'cancel.'

My DM was very passive aggressive like this - it didn't make us turn into the Waltons, mainly because she was a martyr, who resented doing everything and adored making us all feel like shit.

Manage your own happiness and communicate your expectations respectfully.

Agree with PP - why are you buying stuff for MIL from your DC? Extraordinary! No wonder you're tired and naffed off making work for yourself.

I agree with PP about this sounding like emotional blackmail of the kind my mother used to inflict on us/me constantly. Not that it could really be viewed as blackmail - there was no way it would achieve anything, other than anxiety/guilt/confusion/stress. So... emotional torment?

There was no stage of trying to arrange things so the situation would make her happier. There was just blaming and complaining about how dreadful we were/I was (I say I, my sibling is a lot younger so the large part of this had to be soaked up by me).

Would I fuck buy anything for my mil from my kids. Its not grandmothers day!

I hate mothers day too. I found out my ex was cheating on mothers day but that was in 2004. These days im just happy with cards and a cuppa in bed. my family are not capable of anything else. I dont get appreciated any other day of the year so why is mothers day any different.