For planning to breastfeed?

[ambientolf]

I am only 13 weeks but I knew from the start I wanted to breastfeed. I will try my hardest to do it and if not, then no bother I will have to bottle feed. However when I've told anyone in general discussion that I plan to breastfeed I am getting "It's hard you know!" (This was from my mum who openly admits she didnt nor wanted to with me) or "...If you can that is" from friends. AIBU for just wanting some support instead of negative comments? Or am I just being hormonal for getting annoyed with it?

Everyone is different, some people find breastfeeding a walk in the park, others have to really work at it. As long as you have support, you can try and work through any difficulties but the good thing about living today is that there is an alternative if you need it so, although I would advocate not giving up at the first hurdle (if you have any problems - which you might not), it is not a life or death situation so please don't stress.

Believe you'll bf and you will

Bollocks.
I'm out.

BigCatFace, you need to contact a breastfeeding professional to help you, not a midwife.

Believe you will BF and you will

What Moomin said.

I don't "need" to do anything and I'm sick of the pressure to. As it stands my DH HAS to do night feeds by bottle as I have bipolar disorder and take medication which makes me too drowsy. I am getting obsessed with the feeding issue and it is destroying the time I have with my son. We both end up sobbing.

BigCat it may not a popular opinion, and chances are I'll get lynched for this, but there's no shame in using formula. It isn't poison, it isn't going to hurt your baby, and it might work out better for your mental health in the long run without the constant pressure. I, and many others, stand by the 'happy mum, happy baby' mantra.

No-one has the right to tell you that you 'have' to do something, there's enough bloody pressure as it is. Congratulations on your little one

Breastfeeding needn't be hard.

For me it was as easy as falling off a log. The most vocal are those that have had problems. I have lots of friends who have had a similar experience.

And before I get jumped on I am a qualified breastfeeding coounsellor with 14 years experince supporting women with difficulties.

OP it can be useful attending a breastfeeding support group while you are pregnant- the first minutes and hours- indeed the birth itself can be crucial in getting breastfeeding off to a good start.

Both La Leche League and NCT welcome pregnant women.

My experience was that both my mother and dsis bf with no problems so I just expected to be able to bf....And here I am bf 28 months later
I expected the same, for much the same reasons, but it had exactly the opposite effect!
I so blithely assumed it would all just work, that I didn't believe anything was wrong, even though it hurt like buggery. I was so shocked when we found DS was losing weight. I persevered (stubborn!) but by the time I had got the right kindof help to try to correct his shallow (painful and ineffective!) latch, it was too late to get my supply up (or maybe his suckling was never that stimulating) and we ended up mixed feeding for 15m.
With DC2, I was far more vigilant, got well established, and we EBF till she quit @ nearly 3. Now her latch may just have been better anyway ( as a PP said, some babies are born knowing how to feed and some have to learn) but I'm certain that the probs with DC1 were made worse by my naive expectations ...superstition, even, that BF would work because it's 'supposed to'. (In addition to the lack of skilled support when we had our problem, obv!)

Sorry, got a bit bogged down in details there... But basically I think there's value in being aware of the possibility of problems, and I'd interpret folks' comments in that light.

Yes prepare as much as you can
Getting the baby to latch on properly is the key and you need someone (midwife, La Leche whatever) to help you and make sure you get it right . It's not as easy as you might think and you may need to persevere . I am very fair skinned and did find my nipples got sore at the beginning . Lovely hospital midwife gave me a nipple shield but midwife daughter tells me these are frowned on now..
I fed DD1 til 10m (would never have a bottle, went straight to feeding cup)
DD2 to 26m , though she had a lunchtime bottle, administered quite often by DD1 who was 4 .
Don't listen to those who tell you bottles are easier . It never looked easier to me-such a faff . Yes you can't leave a new born initially but I never wanted to anyway !

Bf has all sorts of proven benefits , which you obviously know ..
DD2 is 25 and I still have happy memories of those feeds .
But dont beat yourself up if it doesnt work for you . There are other ways to nuture your child .

Ooh sorry l missed a big chunk of the convo there...
Massive Xpost there but yeah, a misplaced BELIEF that all would be well was a part of the problem, first time.
Second time, all was well!

postchild- your comments about being "fair skinnned" are bordering on racist.
Google that one.

Initial latch is best done without intervention, and preferable within minutes of birth. Fine tuning can be done later.

Now read whole thread. DD2 a midwife says the most common cause of difficult latching is tongue tie . Some hospitals have midwives trained to do it, (its a simple cut which aparently doesnt hurt thebaby) others have to wait for GP referral , which is insane . She knows of couples whohave paid to have it done immediately .

Had no intention of being racist antumbra. It was just what I recall being told at the time-that fair skinned (and I don't mean just 'white', the sort of skin that comes with auburn hair) women tended to have more tendency to cracked nipples .This may or may not be true.

Sorry- I did not mean to offend or insult, X It is not true. The Scandic countries have the highest rates of breastfeeding and they generally are very light skinned.

But if you google fair skin breastfeeding then you will see some unfortunate views. Colour of skin has no influence on breastfeeding.

Believe you will BF and you will

Oh please, stop spouting such utter rubbish.

Believe you will BF and you will

This is complete and utter bollocks and if you believe that you're a self satisfied fool.

OP - best of luck and if you do run into problems, contact the La Leche League.

I suppose if it were true redheads might have died out.....(in the days before formula). But. interestingly ,none of my (many-was it more common to bf 25-30 years ago?) bf friends had the same problem, . DD2 wonders if her sister was tongue tied! Didnt have as much trouble with her, but of course had had a lot of practice .

The best thing I did was an ante-natal breastfeeding workshop. Scheduled for 3 hours and it overran!
Any questions I, and others, had were answered and it armed me with responses for the naysayers.
If you've got the opportunity for something similar, grab it!!

No, it's not bollocks at all.

As I said, maternal confidence is the biggest factor in BF success. Google it if you're interested.

The vast, vast majority of women, with the right information and enough perseverance, are able to BF.

WD41- I do understand where you are coming from.
My good friend is a midwife, lactation consultant and infant feeding co-ordinator at a huge teaching hospital, and considered the breastfeeding guru in the city where I live.
She talks to me privately about breastfeeding support- her mantra is "breastfeeding is 98% relaxation, 2% perspiration"

Many other cultures are mystfied why we have breastfeeding difficulties in Western countries, I do think however we have lost the cultural art.
I was the first women in my family to breastfeed since the 1920s, I had no-one to give me any help or advice.
The best breastfeeding support in timely and subtle. A gentle touch to the elbow, a hand on the shoulder, the pass of a cushion. These tiny attenuations can prevent difficulties down the line where problems left unchecked turn into bleeding nipples, thrush, mastitis, poor weight gain and in turn leads to medical issues.

While I agree maternal confidence is very important ( and served me well), firts time mothers are neophytes, we do live in a society, and ideally should be supported by other experienced women.

I totally agree that the vast majority of women can breastfeed. There are some circumstances which do make it impossible- anatomical problems or medications, but of the thousands of breastfeeding women I have met ( and many presenting with problems) there have been only a handful that have been unable to breastfeed.

Best not to tell people things in advance.

Just don't expect it to come naturally- DC1 and I didn't have a clue! Once you get the hang of it there shouldn't be problems.

I do think there is a tendancy these days to 'over share' almost everything - surprising more people aren't showing up to comment about the conception.

Why does everything has to be discussed - actually even conception is talked about 'we are planning to TTC' etc - not that long ago nothing was talked about, you didn't announce your pregnancy until it showed, no one would dream of talking about birth plans or how you planned to feed your baby.

I know there is a balance between being too reserved to mention anything but perhaps we have gone too far the other way.

mehitalbel6- you say "don't expect it to come naturally" when in fact that is current thinking. Biological nurturing relies on allowing women to rely on instinct rather than impose technique or "teach" positioning. A quiet, dimly lit warm room, naked Mum and baby, and nature works it out.

Coconut...in no way do I want to insult you, but what you said was wrong...If the latch is right it will NEVER hurt...I had so much help from many proffessionals with DC3 who all said my latch was good ..baby gaining weight...but it was agony...an ellergic reaction to the let down I was told!...It was like red hot pokers in my breast and I felt very fluey...sorry OP..but you know what...I still BF him till nearly 3....I found BF very very painful with all 3 of mine for the 1st few weeks with 1 &2 and 4 months with DC3..My best friend who watched me in toe curling, tears down face agony went on to BF with no problems at all...OP...BF is amazing...but can be painful...Good luck...Oh and I was told that fairer people have more problems, but I am very dark skinned and my friend was a red head...old wives tale?

WD41 No, it is bollocks.

There's a difference between 'maternal confidence is conducive to breastfeeding', and airy fairy 'If you BELIEVE it, you can ACHIEVE it yippeee!' bullshit.

I believed I could breastfeed. I didn't entertain the idea of formula. Until the midwives were telling me DD couldn't latch and unless I 'fixed it', I wasn't allowed to leave hospital - but they needed the bed and DD wasn't eating at all so I had to fix it soon please.

But yes, I should've persevered. Oh, silly me. All I needed was a few more leaflets and a little more perseverance, which every new mother has in bucketloads when she's recovering from birth, two hours of being stitched back up, horrendous afterpains and bleeding so much you're on the verge of a transfusion. I should've just pushed through it all and been a little more confident.