For planning to breastfeed?

[ambientolf]

I am only 13 weeks but I knew from the start I wanted to breastfeed. I will try my hardest to do it and if not, then no bother I will have to bottle feed. However when I've told anyone in general discussion that I plan to breastfeed I am getting "It's hard you know!" (This was from my mum who openly admits she didnt nor wanted to with me) or "...If you can that is" from friends. AIBU for just wanting some support instead of negative comments? Or am I just being hormonal for getting annoyed with it?

First of all - stop telling people about what you're planning to do. Just say "don't know yet". That will keep the negativity away.
Second - I am BFing my 9 weeks old DD right now and I must admit - I have felt like giving up and still do occasionally. The only thing that keeps me going is DD's weight. It has doubled since birth already. When I was pregnant I was reading a lot about women getting kicked out of places or shamed for public breastfeeding. And it made me want to breastfeed even more. Strange, I know.
Anyway, although my nipples have occasional cracks in them and DD is sometimes "biting" me, nothing beats her smile with my nipple in her mouth. Again - strange, I know.
What I'm trying to say here - you should give it a go. But save breastfeeding helpline to your phone. Preferably on speed dial.

Yes, get Lansinoh....it works miracles. Make sure you let baby feed off each breast fully otherwise you could get mastitis. I am currently breastfeeding my third child coming on to two years, and once you get in the swing of it, it is great. My first I did 8 weeks bf, because of mastitis, my second 6 months, and third still going.

My first who was mainly formula fed I have to say as well that she is healthy and strong, every bit as much as my youngest two. Just do what YOU want to do and what feels right for you.

Are people really that interested in whether or not you are going to bf? seriously?

I've had two children and I never had anyone pass comment on how I fed them.

I couldn't give a toss how another mother chooses to feed their dc either.

Cluster feeds. Knowing that baby will hit phases where they barely pause between feeds because they are working to increase your supply, and that they'll calm back to their usual pattern helps when it gets tiring.

I've fed mine for 13 and 21 months. There were hiccups along the way, but 90% of the time it was a positive experience.

I recommend washable bamboo breast pads. Much more comfortable and significantly cheaper if you have high, leaky supply. I had to use some disposables early on as I was so leaky, but when the supply settled some more, the bamboo ones were great, especially in the summer.

Funnily enough, I just met a neighbour of mine who said the best (and possibly only) bit of advice I passed on to her was that the first six weeks or so of BF are the hardest - a lot of the difficulty is "front-loaded" compared to FF.

And YANBU, OP. I had quite a few problems in the early days first time round but I was lucky enough to have good support (including my mum) so got through them.

How is she being unreasonable for wanting support instead of negative comments?

Because the comments were not negative! Some women do struggle to breastfeed and it makes them feel like failures which is pretty disgusting.

A negative comment to me would be "breastfeeding is unnatural" or "why the hell would you want to do that?"

It never unreasonable to want support and I never said that.

If the OP wants to breastfeed then she should go right ahead, if she struggles there is plenty of support out there.

First of all - stop telling people about what you're planning to do. Just say "don't know yet". That will keep the negativity away.

Exactly.

I really can't see how this comes up often in general conversation and what do you need support for exactly when you haven't even had the baby?

I think that there is a huge difference between a comment like "breastfeeding can be really tough at first, so it's worth making sure that you know roughly what to expect and how to get in touch with a breastfeeding counsellor before the baby is born"
and
"Breastfeeding can be really tough and lots of mums can't do it. There's no need to martyr yourself, so it's worth making sure that you have some bottles and formula handy just in case".

It was the other way round for me, I decided not to and got tonnes of negative comments. Take no notice and do what's best for you.

YANBU
I was like you, I was determined to bf, I know I was lucky in that my DM and midwives were very supportive. It was tricky to begin with, some early days very difficult (& sore!) but it's a skill and you have to learn, as does your baby.
For me it was so worthwhile & I loved it but I wouldn't have beaten myself up if it hadn't worked for us.
Everyone has an opinion, stick to your plan & ask for help, the NCT have fantastic BF councillors.
Congratulations!

YANBU. This is a major bug bear of mine. If you tell people you are planning to breastfeed, they automatically come out with a bloody negative response: "if it works that is", "just give a bottle if you need to", "don't be upset now when it doesn't work", "breastfeeding is really sore, just use formula", etc are some of the stupid gems I had to deal with. If I hear of someone planning to bottle feed with formula, I don't come along and say "oh better prepare yourself for it not working out".

I suggest you read this book - Seven Natural Laws of Breastfeeding. Also, breastfeeding is NOT supposed to hurt. It only will ever hurt if the latch isn't correct. These horror stories about women being in terrible pain is because the latch wasn't correct which can then lead to all sorts of problems - mastitis, blocked ducts, vasospasms, etc. Seek help from a lactation professional in the hospital or when you get home to get you started correctly right from the beginning. If you're determined to do it, you will. Yes it is hard work at the start but once you are over the first couple of months, it is easy. And don't listen to those people who criticise over "feeding on demand". With breastfeeding, that's how it works.

It's going to be different for every mum and child.

DD was ELCS, it took 4 days for the milk to come in and I really struggled, til a wise older midwife quietly gave DD a 2oz bottle as she said the milk was coming in but DD was soo hungry and on the breast constantly I wasn't building up enough to feed her at that point. DD was cup fed overnight in the hospital nursery as I was exhausted.

7am the next morning, my milk supply had well and truly arrived and DD latched on no problem, and didn't look back.

DS was born nearly 4 years later (VBAC) and he latched immediately, no problem. In his case the midwife suggested altering his feeding position a little, which really helped things along.

In both case I never had cracked, sore or painful nipples and fed for ages with both.

I think I was lucky. I certainly can't tell you if it was anything I did that made it all go right.

This is in contrast to my mum, who bottle fed both me and my brother. She claimed it was because she had small breasts so couldn't feed. I am sure the real reason is that she had, and still has, some very weird ideas about bodily functions.

OP, I think if you expect it to be tough, which is often is with a first baby, then you won't be horrified when it's painful or difficult to get a latch or whatever. I had a nightmare time with DC1, but I soldiered on, and those first few weeks were easier with each subsequent baby.

Once you're past the first few weeks it isn't hard at all (except for the feeding frenzies when the baby is latched on the whole time trying to increase your production). Actually I think it's easier than FF because you never have to worry about sterilising bottles or running out of formula.

Yanbu and the single biggest factor in BFing success is maternal confidence.

Very few women genuinely can't BF - 1 or 2 percent. Any higher and the human race wouldn't have survived.

It's just being wise to the common pitfalls. A lot of people stop because they believe they don't have enough milk. In reality it's normal for a baby to feed a lot and go through growth spurts. Sometimes latching can take time for the baby to learn - it took DD 3 weeks - so persevering beyond the first day / week if it doesn't come immediately.

Believe you will BF and you will

I'm not going to lie to you, it is very hard to get going at the start and those people who seem to be negative are probably just trying to help to let you know this. (assuming they have bf themselves)

My lo would not latch at first and ended up with jaundice but we persevered and still feeding 8 months down the line. After that rocky start feeding is pretty much a breeze, despite living in fear of a nasty chomp since lo's teeth came through! we just get up and go. No need to make sure we have formula ready or needing to make a bottle up if a night feed is required.

As others have said make the most of the help that is offered. In my part of the UK we have milk nurses who will come to our house to help with latching and feeding. I don't think I'd still be feeding now if it wasn't for the help I got from them.

My experience was that both my mother and dsis bf with no problems so I just expected to be able to bf and never gave formula a second thought. And here I am bf 28 months later.

What I'm saying is OP that it might actually be healthy and positive for you to expect to bf and may even make your journey easier.

After all, 100s of years ago there wasn't all this discussion, it was tit or die!!

I think you should fully assume that you will bf if that's what you want as the likelihood is that youwill be able to (ie iit's what our breast are designed for) and deal with any obstacles if and when they happen and seek any support you might need then.

Good luck x

WD41

Yes!!!

Hmm I went into breastfeeding determined to do it and I don't think I would have been able to stick with it like I did had I been in two minds.

It took weeks for me to establish breastfeeding and it was very painful and upsetting, but I think the first weeks are difficult to some extent for most because newborns feed so much, and I don't know anyone out of my mum friends who just 'gave it a try' and went on to EBF until solids (though I'm sure there are some out there).

Not that there's anything wrong with that, depends on your priorities. I can totally see why someone might want to just enjoy the first few weeks with their baby by FFing instead of crying over their torn up nipples.

I have a one week old I've been FF and expressed feeding as I am struggling to get him to latch. Have managed it a few times bit only with support from mw. How screaming and upset he gets is making me dread him waking up. Honestly I think we'd be better off on formula.

My experience was that both my mother and dsis bf with no problems so I just expected to be able to bf and never gave formula a second thought. And here I am bf 28 months later

Same here. My mum bf all of us kids and I'd never seen (or more probably, never noticed, I was a head-in-the-clouds type, still am) formula feeding. Was genuinely surprised when pregnant with DC1 to be asked by midwife "if I had decided how to feed the baby".

I lucked out with DC1 - she bf easily from day one, had no problems whatsoever apart from a one-day nursing strike aged 4 months.

DC2 was much much harder - really painful for the first 6 weeks, lots of tears from me, useless GP, well-meaning but baffled MWs and HVs, obsessive late-night Googling but it resolved and I bf him happily till he was 5. And tbh I'm bloody glad that due to my past experience and supportive mother, I knew how bf should be and kept trying.