For planning to breastfeed?

[ambientolf]

I am only 13 weeks but I knew from the start I wanted to breastfeed. I will try my hardest to do it and if not, then no bother I will have to bottle feed. However when I've told anyone in general discussion that I plan to breastfeed I am getting "It's hard you know!" (This was from my mum who openly admits she didnt nor wanted to with me) or "...If you can that is" from friends. AIBU for just wanting some support instead of negative comments? Or am I just being hormonal for getting annoyed with it?

YANBU wanting support, but you need to find it from women who have chosen to breastfeed and persevered through any problems. Everyone has a vested interest in defending their own choices and will perceive you choosing differently as criticism - here starteth the parenting wars!
The book 'The Food of Love' by Kate Evans is a good starting point, as is a browse of the Kellymom website and a visit to your local BF support group. Well informed is forearmed. Ask any family members to support your decision and have some practical suggestions for ways they can help you to spend time getting feeding established early on.
FWIW I'm on month 49 of breastfeeding (3 children, not continuously!) and I've had some issues with all three, different each time because every mother-baby pair is different. They've all been solvable with the right support. In the long run it has been fantastic with each of them.
good luck!

Warning you that it can be hard is supportive, IMO. I'm still bitter that my NCT class made it out to be a complete walk in the park and if it hurt we were doing it wrong.

The trick is to know what you're letting yourself in for. That way, when the exhaustion, the pain, the problems occur, you're prepared for it and don't feel like it's all gone badly wrong and you're a complete failure.

I hated bf for the first 6 weeks. Then somehow, somewhere a switch flicked and I grew to love it. We're still going strong at 9 months. But it's a good thing to be prepared.

I agree warning it can be hard and why is both good and supportive.

Just not repeatedly

I think you sound like you have the right attitude OP. If you can, do it, if it doesn't work out, move on to formula. It's no biggy. Life goes on.

My DS is three weeks old. He is my first and is bf. It has been easier than I thought and I am surprised everyday by this. My most precious moment so far is that very first feed. The most wonderful feeling. Best of luck.

These sort of comments annoy me,
I think it puts some women off even trying to breastfeed. Yes some women have difficulties, yes sometimes these difficulties are insurmountable (but also sometimes easily fixed), but actually some women find breastfeeding easy and have little or no issues.

I remember this OP. I had no real intention of bf at all when I was pregnant, as for some reason I couldn't stand the thought of it (actually ended up bf dd till she was nearly 2 - it's a funny old world!).
But I do remember thinking, even if I did want to do this, it must be virtually unknown for anyone to successfully sustain a baby on their bm - you hear so many stories about it not working out. But I think this is because people are more likely to talk/post on line about something, anything, going wrong, to get help or support of whatever, than about it going right. It's human nature that we notice the things that don't work more than the things they do.
Of course, it is possible that it may not be for you, or you may have problems, and I feel so sad for those who desperately want to bf but can't - but given the number of humans who survived on bm before formula was even invented, the odds must be in your favour!

I was one of those who found breastfeeding really easy. After an emcs and not getting to hold my baby for 7hours due to complications I expected problems but she latched like a pro. I never had sore nipples, baby slept well (much better as a newborn than later on!) and gained weight consistently along her curve. My only real stress has been that as she has refused all bottles from the beginning it was a long time before I could do anything without her. Still happily breastfeeding at 10.5months - we've had trouble getting solids going because she loves the breast so much! Lots of women/babies have a hard time (and often those problems can be overcome with the right support) but some of us have no problems and you seldom hear these stories!

My friend who sailed through BF completely failed to understand that I had terrible problems trying to do it.

I think it's one of those things that unless you have experienced it you can't really put yourself in someone else's shoes so to speak.

The people telling you at the start of your pregnancy that breastfeeding is surprisingly hard are trying to help you.

If you go into it with solid expectations that you just pick up the baby and they feed, job done, like with cats and their kittens, you are overwhelmingly likely to be in for a very nasty shock that you do not need in the week immediately after the birth - and if breastfeeding doesn't work out for you then you will fall from a much greater height emotionally at that fragile time if you expected it to be very easy and then feel that you have failed at an easy thing, than if you realise in advance that it is hard and often fails even for people who really want it/try very hard to make it work out.

On the other hand, YANBU to feel a bit defensive if that is the first thing everyone says to you because obviously it does work out for lots of people (many of whom have to put a lot of effort and sacrifice into it) and there is no reason why you might not be one of the successful ones, so they ABU if they are trying to write you off completely at this point or even worse, refusing to support your choice to try.

Breastfeeding can be hard, and I tend to warn others of that as I was never told. But it can also be very easy. With my first it was easy from the start - got hard later on as I got a blocked duct, mastitis and thrush but I still view it as a largely easy and mostly painless experience.

My second has been very very painful so far as her latch wasn't quite right. I'm on day 9 and it's just about bearable now so I'm hoping it will continue to improve as her latch gets better and her mouth gets bigger.

The main thing I found difficult was the huge oversupply I had (have) meaning I just leak through everything and I constantly smell of milk. No-one warned me about that! However I fed my first for 13 months and will feed this one for as long as she'll take it.

YANBU I heard all the negatives the first time and didn't even attempt it.

Second time I thought I'd give it a go but didn't expect much success to my surprise had no problems at all, loved it and bf for 7 months. Dc3 is now 4 months and exclusively breastfed and I'm loving it, again no problems at all, plan to bf at least a year.

I think the fact that I put no pressure on myself about it helped. I didn't actually expect to be able to do it!

My top tip - Lansinoh, put it on as soon as the baby is born and after every feed for the first few weeks, you only need a bit. Don't wait to get sore nipples before you use it.

Swot up while pregnant. Alpha mom and Kellymom Websites have useful info. Be aware of problems like lip and tongue tie and how to spot them. Have a look at breastfeeding forums on sites like this and babycentre so you can see the common real life issues that crop up a lot and the advice. Search out your local bf groups and helpline numbers before the baby is born and have them to hand in hospital. Do not be afraid to ask again and again for help with latch or anything else. Good luck, it is a beautiful experience

Op dont put any pressure on yourself.

try and give yourself a chance but even if you can manage it for the first few days your baby will get a ton of anti bodies and goodness.

some mothers and babies take to it immediately with no issues sometimes its harder! first time I found it very hard, second time, easy peasy. I just took attitude every day I managed to BF my babies was brilliant. Take it day by day.

Oh yes and second time brilliant MW told and showed me how to massage breasts really well to ease milk when it first comes in.

Sometimes it's not hard.

Ds1 took maybe 3 days to latch on. I was pumping, expressing and pipette feeding him every 3 hours for those days which was awful. And I wasn't prepared for it.

Ds2 it was simple. A bit painful for a week or so but so easy after those first weeks. I put down my success partly to not fannying on with a bottle in those first weeks.

They say babies are born knowing how to feed. Ds2 was. Ds1 was not.

Also, advice is bloody annoying isn't it!

We all have our own unique pregnancy and baby experiences but there are always people who are experts.

Try to ignore. Even though that's impossible!

NIPPLE CREAM !!
Can I just say nipple cream again and again.
LANSINOH was my best friend when I breastfed my DS. I only wish someone had told me about it when I had my DD (first child) - it made all the difference to the cracked nipples/pain. Suffered awfully with my DD but persevered and after a while got used to the pain.
However with DS my midwife at the hospital gave me two sachets of Lansinoh and the difference was remarkable. Avent also make a brilliant nipple cream.
I sing its praises every time someone mentions that they are interested in breastfeeding.

Oh, also Asdas own brand breast pads for the leaking! Avoid the Tesco ones at all costs, they leave your breasts sweaty.

I've only had one baby and will only ever have one but it isn't always hard. I had about a week or two at the start where the letdown was EXCRUCIATING. The rest was easy. I had, however, done tons of reading so wasn't surprised by the relentless non-stop guzzling, and also I was fortunate enough to have a baby who knew what she was meant to do.

And my own family were fine with me BFing but DH's were a bunch of absolute weirdos about it. They veered between 'But we can't feed the baybeeeee!' (no, and it's fine because you are not her mother) to peering at her feeding from close range (GO AWAY, THOSE ARE MY BREASTS).

I will try my hardest to do it and if not, then no bother I will have to bottle feed.

Can I just say, this is a good attitude. Try your hardest. It is really honestly very rewarding if you can get it right - take all the help you can find. Equally, I was fed on watered down Carnation as a baby, despite formula actually being available and I am fine. So I think formula as an option is perfectly OK if that's where you end up. It is beyond doubt better than Carnation and tap water.

I think a lot of problems bf women have are negative attitudes.When baby isnt in a routine at 3 hours old and such crap.
Im not talking sore nipples or mastitis which are genuine worries,i think when feeding teh baby and baby cries and everyone says it cant be hungry again.It makes you think you are not doing it right.So theres extra pressure.

I found bf easy,never had a problem and i came from a background where i knew nobody who had bf.My Mam was all for it,she couldnt bf as she had heart trouble.

I was alot like you in thinking i would give it a go but when i had my 1st son i found it so easy.So maybe you will too.

Yanbu.
Determination is really important. I was really shocked about how bad the NHS support for breastfeeding has been. The Nct breastfeeding support groups as well as the kellymom websites and mn feeding forum all provided excellent support and advice after severe tongue tie affected ds's latch and my supply. 14 weeks on and I love feeding him. All the hard work and anguish were worth it for the convenience we have now. There's nothing that can prepare you in advance I don't think other than the knowledge that there is really good support out there- but you might need to go and look for it as it's sadly lacking in a lot of health professionals.

YABU.

Just fucking feed your baby when it arrives. Breast or bottle its your choice!

Why do you care what others think? Why let it dictate your decisions? Women just need to do either one without feeling judged or a failure.

I could not give a shit which one people chose, just as long as the baby is fed!

How is she being unreasonable for wanting support instead of negative comments? Did you even read the OP never mind the rest of the thread?

Every woman should be supported to feed safely in whatever way suits her and her baby best.

I breastfed both my DC for 27 months. I can honestly say that I enjoyed breastfeeding my DC and am glad I did.

What I will warn you about is that the early days/weeks are tough and I think that is where a lot of the well-meaning, but misplaced advice comes from. You can expect toe curling afterpains, engorgement, worry about whether your DC is getting enough, growth spurts and the associated constant feeding, battered nipples and, if you're really unlucky like I was, mastitis. And many other things I haven't thought about have erased from my memory!

There is also the advice not to introduce expressed feeds to early as it can lead to nipple confusion. I don't know if this advice has changed recently, but it meant I did the first 6 weeks completely on my own. Having said that, neither DC would take expressed feeds, so I did it all myself anyway!

Advice? Find your local NHS breastfeeding group as the support you get there will be invaluable - mine doubled as the health visitor clinic as it was attended by the hospital's Breastfeeding consultant (and midwife) so I always had DC weighed and checked there. They often have antenatal breastfeeding groups where you can speak to mums who are breastfeeding and dispel some of the myths/worries you have.

Other advice of the top of my head; buy and use nipple cream - either Lansinoh or (my favourite) Kamillosan, breast pads - I found Tommee Tippee's the best, don't splash out on an expensive electric pump until you know your DC will take to expressed milk.

The single most important piece of advice I can give you is to try your very best, especially if that is what you want, but do not beat yourself up if it doesn't work out. My DC are now 7 and 3 and I can guarantee they are not bothered how they were fed, nor is it a particular point of conversation in nursery/primary school. Good luck and congratulations

Yes, Lansinoh is wonderful stuff (also good for lip balm).

I had breast cancer in my left boob with a partial mastectomy so i was one boob down when i had ds, really worried whether i could bf ds on one booby. But with the help and advice from bf support group we're managing it. If you want to bf give it a go and get support of you can. Good luck x