For planning to breastfeed?

[ambientolf]

I am only 13 weeks but I knew from the start I wanted to breastfeed. I will try my hardest to do it and if not, then no bother I will have to bottle feed. However when I've told anyone in general discussion that I plan to breastfeed I am getting "It's hard you know!" (This was from my mum who openly admits she didnt nor wanted to with me) or "...If you can that is" from friends. AIBU for just wanting some support instead of negative comments? Or am I just being hormonal for getting annoyed with it?

I have to say the best piece of advice I had was 'be prepared for hard work but it IS worth it'. I do know people who established feeding with no issues and no pain - but being prepared for effort made me ready for the challenge. Sitting here feeding DD2 as I type!

YANBU for disliking the negative comments but people who have been there & are giving good common sense advice are trying to be helpful, genuinely - I know, it helped me!

You know the most taboo thing to say about breastfeeding?

Some women - a lot of women - find it really easy.

Of course it's important that people are aware that it can be difficult. But usually it isn't. Because it it was then the human race would have died out ages ago. And the formula milk manufacturers have had a vested interest in creating a "breastfeeding is hard" narrative. There has only been a viable alternative to breastfeeding for a couple of generations......before that the vast majority of women managed it.

Not unreasonable at all, but it seems to be like when you tell people you're pregnant and they immediately tell you that's it for sleep or something similar. Just smile and nod.
I wanted to breastfeed and I was lucky in that my Mum did for me and my brother for 6 months, so she was supportive and the most helpful thing she said was that the first 6 weeks was the hardest. This was true, but to be honest I never quite found it a walk in the park, nonetheless I stuck with it until my DD was 15 months mainly because I couldn't be bothered with the faff of bottles and as an allergy sufferer I wanted to give her every opportunity to not have the same problems.

I decided I would try to breastfeed when I was pregnant with DS in 1993. I was the first of my friends to have a baby and didn't really know anyone who had breast fed (my mum took tablets to "dry her up" as hated the idea of it!). So I was blissfully ignorant it might be difficult and hadn't heard any horror stories. I did read "Breast is Best" which was pretty antiquated even back then. I was really lucky as I had no problems at all, but I do wonder whether believing it would be easy was a factor? So I wasn't stressed about it? Also my mum was in total awe of me bfing and very supportive - she didn't let me lift a finger for 2 weeks as I was FEEDING.
I have since bf DD and DS2 and it hasn't all been plain sailing but much easier for me than formula. I am a bit scared of bottles and sterilising as always thought I would get something wrong. And I'm lazy so bf a good excuse to sit and read/ watch tv!
Good luck (with whatever works for you)

OK Op - 13 weeks, you are just at the journey of all things pregnancy, birth and childcare. What you have ot be mindful of is a) lots of woman will take your decision to do things differently to you as an insult to their choices, b) your pregnancy and raising DCs will bring up both happy and sad/miserable/terrifying memories in other woman. Some of the woman trying to 'warn' you are really being reminded of their own experiences and for some woman, it's bloody hard and they don't manage to stick with breast feeding.

When I had DC1 my mum was abit weird about my BFing plans, until I probed a bit further and it seems she'd fed me until 4 weeks, then she was ill and given some tablets by the doctor, she took then and then was told "and here's something to stop your milk, as you can't breast feed now." no discussion in those day (70s), no pointing out the downsides of medication choices. She'd found it very hard to hear the 'breast is best' messages of the 80s and 90s as she felt like she'd "failed" us. This manifestied itself by her being very negative and unsupportive to my face about my BFing.

I am now just of anyone who actually manages it. If anyone tells me in RL they are planning to BF I tend not to tell them I couldn't do it.

oh and agree, most NCT groups etc will just tell you it's perfectly natural and what your body is built for etc, some woman telling you it's difficult are doing so because they found it a shock that it wasn't easy. (Bit like the fact that most woman shit themselves during childbirth, I wasn't told that through any official channels!)

The only bit that I found painful and therefore difficult was the sore painful nipples. It makes sense that with all that sucking that they would become tender, cracked and sore but no one had told me. Once I got through that and they healed and hardened it was easy.

Oh ignore them!

I said I'd breastfeed because I didn't think about any other option cause I was wholly uninterested about the debate...I managed to breastfeed DD for 14 months till she gave up, no major conflicts, job done either way!

I wish people had been honest and said it can be difficult and you can struggle. Maybe I wouldn't have felt like such a shit mum when the midwives told me she wasn't getting anything, wasn't latching on and I had to either 'fix it' or give her formula or they wouldn't let me leave hospital.

Most/some people find it easy. But some people find it very difficult - too difficult to push through, before the 'if you care enough you'll work through it' brigade barge in - and have to stop, and if you fall into this category, it's easy to feel like a failure, but you're not a failure. You're doing what you can for your baby, simple as. If someone had told me honestly how difficult it can be before, I wouldn't have felt so bad giving her that first bottle. I think they're just trying to help.

If you look at bf statistics, most women try to breastfeed and then for whatever reason, they stop. For most, this decision has come after a lot of anguish, soul-searching and guilt, and my experience is that as soon as I mention breastfeeding to anyone they will always remember that guilt and try to justify themselves by telling me what a horrible time they had and why they couldn't possibly carry on.

This means that throughout my life, whenever I have heard or spoken about breastfeeding, I've heard a negative story about how hellishly difficult it is. I was genuinely surprised to find that my boobs produced enough milk, that they stopped hurting, and that my nipples didn't fall off. I genuinely believe that with the right people with the right knowledge, the vast majority of women can breastfeed, but sadly that support is in shockingly short supply.

Read everything for yourself. Know everything. Don't trust ANYONE unless you know they have successfully breastfed themselves, and that includes doctors, midwives and health visitors. Go over to the MN Infant Feeding page and ask every question you have there. We live in a ridiculously breastfeeding unfriendly world, you have to be something of a maverick!

I'm lazy and not at all tough and I've been feeding non stop for six years over three kids. I've tandem fed and fed my first baby and fed a three year old, all of which people who should have been experts told me I could never do.

When DS1 had his first bottle, DH did it and I went upstairs and cried. there was no 'pushing through' possible.
But once I had accepted it DS and I were so much happier.

Also my two are now teenagers and while at the time it was all very important it really isn't now IYKWIM.

I loved breast feeding, which is just as well as DD1 was allergic to bottled milk. However, my late MIL, who was decidedly peculiar, told me that breast feeding 'wasn't natural'. I never quite plucked up the nerve to ask her why she thought it wasn't natural, as that would have taken me down paths i really preferred not to venture along.

Just to counteract the stories, I have breastfed 2 children with no problems at all. It might be tough, definitely best to be prepared, but it might not be any hassle at all.

oh and OP - I'd stop talking about any of your baby related choices before it happens - people like to gloat if you were very vocal about doing things one way and then find you aren't able to - rather like Kate Winslet who made a big thing about how her body was 'made' to give birth naturally and breath the baby out, she got a lot more shit about having an emergancy Csection that most other woman would.

I'd go with saying you "hope" to breast feed but "understand it can be difficult" - so you don't need to have your "eyes opened" to the potential problems, and don't get smug comments when you're already feeling shit if you aren't able to for whatever reason.

I will try my hardest to do it and if not, then no bother I will have to bottle feed.

This is exactly how I felt and it was no bother to bottle feed when BF wasn't for me. I hated the toe curling pain and exhaustion. What really put me off was the nurses thinking they had every bloody right to grab my boobs to "get me started" um no! With my second and third I never even considered it. If it's for you then great but DO NOT let anyone make you feel guilty if you decide to try but choose FF.

When I was pregnant with ds1 I thought formula was for lazy mums. Obviously bf is what nature intended so it would work? It was soooo hard and I felt so guilty and such a failure when I had to mixed feed as ds wasn't gaining weight. Maybe people are trying to manage your expectations but clearly are doing it a bit negatively.

Yanbu at all! Everyone was telling me about the negatives and it was all 'if you can' when I was pregnant! However I must say I've found it generally easy and had lots of milk once it came in and there's every chance you will too, after all what did ppl do before formula?! I also haven't experienced it hurting. Don't let them put you off.
Of course formula would be absolutely fine as well if needs be.

I agree that many people are surprised at how hard it can be - I am normally the first to shut down anyone who is negative about pregnancy and birth etc, but I do think many people have their heart set on something for months and months and then find it really hard to adjust to the reality if it isn't as easy as they were hoping. You don't have to tell people that you are planning to breastfeed if you don't want to hear their thoughts on it - as this thread proves, some probably still bear the scars of trying with their own children and want to offer you the benefit of their experience.

after all what did people do before formula

They either used wet nurses or their babies died.

The good old days, eh?

I think maybe they are saying "Don't feel bad if it doesn't work out." Just smile & ignore for now. I had painful letdown. I didn't know that can just be normal and actually if I relaxed it wasn't too bad & went away by itself after a few months. I think I had a pretty easy time breastfeeding but not always easy, especially if you badly want to.

Good luck with your pregnancy OP. it's admirable what you are doing.

My daughter breasted till hers were about 3 -4.

They were very contented children. Still are . Very self sufficient..

I can remember one of them having a good old chomp and then looking up and saying ' gorgeous'!

Yanbu but they are not bu to tell you it can be hard. I have massive boobs and am hugely maternal so assumed I would be breestfeeding straight away with ease. I couldn't and it was very sad and hard for me to accept. I have friends for whom it was incredibly easy and lovely. If you turn out to be one of those that'll be great but if you do find it hard you'll know you're not alone.

MrsDeVere yes the worst thing is up be told 'you can't be doing it right!' if it's painful! The baby is learning to feed just the same as you are learning about them - a learning curve for everyone!

My mum & MIL both had issues with feeding and in my mums case she regretted giving up and is proud of me for sticking it out, I think. MIL is more laid back about it - she stopped feeding one of her children at 6 weeks when the midwives advised he needed formula because he was 'extra hungry'. I have learned that she trots out this anecdote every time we discuss BFing, I haven't the nerve to say back to her 'well you know they might not necessarily have been right about that!'

FWIW both my children were/are combination fed and it worked well for us.