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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Another wedding one!

97 replies

ACSlater · 06/03/2015 22:09

I have a wedding to attend in August. It's about 200 miles from home, I'm invited alone. No plus one and no DC.

The venue is pretty remote, closest hotels (other than the venue) are at least 5-6 miles away.

I asked my friend if I could have one of the rooms in the hotel as I'll be alone and don't really feel comfortable travelling by taxi to another hotel in an area I don't know. She says that the hotel rooms are reserved for those with children to take to bed so they can carry on partying.

I'm considering not going. I'm not happy to be travelling an area I don't know on my own. If I were able to stay in the hotel I'd feel a lot more confident about going.

AIBU in thinking that inviting a lone female means you should make rooms available at the venue rather than them traipsing around a strange city alone?

OP posts:

Writerwannabe83 · 06/03/2015 22:12

I don't think 'lone females' should be a factor in their wedding accommodation plans but in your situation I definitely wouldn't be going - it sounds like too much hassle and no fun.

NollaigShona · 06/03/2015 22:14

I'm in a similar position. I will decline the invitation. Sometimes it's just too much effort and expense to go to.
I don't even like weddings. I much prefer elopements.

Original poster

ACSlater · 06/03/2015 22:17

It probably doesn't help that I find weddings to be purgatory!

I probably will decline. Suppose I'm just a bit irritated that I should be worried about getting 'home' while others getting pissed is prioritised.

OP posts:

Scholes34 · 06/03/2015 22:17

Don't go. If there's no plus one and your DC are't invited, you don't seem to be too close to the happy couple and I'm sure they'll manage to still have a great day without you there.

MilesHuntsWig · 06/03/2015 22:17

Sorry, not clear from your message if you have a plus one and/or DC that could have been invited.

Irrespective of this, if you don't want to go and or think that you'll feel uncomfortable just explain that you can't go. If you want to go as it's a close friend (I'm not sure why you wouldn't have a plus one or whatever if this were the case) then could you book a further out hotel and drive?

munchkin2902 · 06/03/2015 22:17

Surely there will be other child free guests staying over - if you stay in the same hotel you could share a pre booked taxi with other people if you are worried about getting a taxi alone. But it does sound as if you don't really want to go anyway.

Comito · 06/03/2015 22:17

I don't see a problem with getting a taxi to another hotel. They're not expecting a lone woman to traipse anywhere. Five miles in a taxi to a hotel from the venue is nothing.

I think YABU to not go for that reason.

Morelikeguidelines · 06/03/2015 22:18

I don't think I would feel uncomfortable about this, but I don't think you should feel obliged to go.

Your friend probably has to prioritise the rooms available as best she can.

Scholes34 · 06/03/2015 22:18

If rooms at the hotel are limited, harsh as it may seem in your circumstances, it does seem fair to let those with children to put to bed have them. I doubt that they'll be getting totally pissed if their DC are going to have them up bright and early the next day.

Original poster

ACSlater · 06/03/2015 22:18

It's my best friend! It's an odd set up. Sort of a coming together of families rather than your traditional wedding so children/spouses are a big feature.

OP posts:

PatriciaHolm · 06/03/2015 22:19

Unless you are very close to the couple, and loads of your friends are going, it doesn't sound like much fun.

But no, I don't think they should prioritise you over friends with children. You are an adult, and I assume perfectly capable of getting cabs/asking directions/looking up directions beforehand or on your phone.

DancingDays · 06/03/2015 22:25

If the Bride wanted you there she would offer up more options for you. i.e. Derek and Joan don't drink and will be leaving at 11, shall I ask them to drop you back at your hotel or John and Martha are staying at your proposed hotel you could see about a taxi with them.

Not offering alternatives despite your unease speaks volumes, I wouldn't go.

Scholes34 · 06/03/2015 22:29

Perhaps you need to find a new best friend . . .

BoyScout · 06/03/2015 22:32

I don't see why getting a taxi to a hotel is a problem. The hotel where the wedding is will order you one.

Hassled · 06/03/2015 22:34

Sounds like way too much hard work - and sending a best friend an invite with no plus one and no DCs, and then telling friend she can't stay in the hotel on account of other people's DCs is pretty piss poor.

Saz12 · 06/03/2015 22:39

It's not really about the wedding, though, is it?

You say you don't feel happy travelling to an area you don't know, that you don't want to get a taxi for 5-6 mile trip (about a 15-minute cab). Those things aren't a big deal to most adults.
As a result, your friend has probably assumed that you're not particularly worried about doing those things, so hasn't factored in any extra "hand-holding" for you - not out of lack of caring, but just because she's assumed there's no problem.

There's nothing wrong with declining a wedding invite if you don't want the hassle or can't afford to go. But don't dress it up as being an issue with the bride.

Comito · 06/03/2015 22:42

Oh, for god's sake.

The OP is an adult who can travel five miles to a hotel by herself in a taxi. The B&G are most likely having to cope with a number of different guest needs and have for whatever reason decided to help out parents with DCs. Why on earth would anyone suggest that the OP should ditch her friend just because of this? Really? Or demand 'options'?

OP, I would suggest you go, have fun, enjoy your best friend's day, get your taxi and live with it. If you refuse to attend because they haven't provided a special room for you as a lone woman then it's likely to cause bad feeling because YABU.

Original poster

ACSlater · 06/03/2015 22:42

It's not hand holding at all. That's a silly thing to suggest.

OP posts:

Vanimal · 06/03/2015 22:45

I agree with Saz ~ the bride probably isn't aware it's a problem. She probably also has other things to be thinking about on her wedding day!

If I were you I would get in touch with a guest you know and arrange to take a taxi together?

I wouldn't be comfortable taking a taxi somewhere rural on my own either. A bit of pre-wedding prep and you will be fine

AugustaGloop · 06/03/2015 22:47

Why are your DC not invited if there will be lots there?

BackforGood · 06/03/2015 22:49

Yes, YABU to think that she should not prioritise families wanting to get dc to bed, over grown adults who don't have that to do, for a limited number of rooms in a hotel.
I presume that then means they are full, rather than her saying you can't say just to spite you, but, as others have said that likely means others will also be travelling to the next hotel. However, I can't see why it would be an issue to go in a taxi from one hotel to another on your own, even if no-one else were going.
However, if it's all too much bother for you, then decline the invitation - that's what it is, an invitation, not a court summons.

By the by, but if the venue is pretty remote then why will you be traipsing round a strange City ? Is it remote, or in a City ?

Jewels234 · 06/03/2015 22:51

Literally the most ridiculous AIBU. At a wedding not all guests are going to live near the venue. The B&G can't do anything about that. There will naturally be limited numbers. If you can't get yourself to another city, and stay in a hotel 5 miles away then I don't understand how you're bringing up children.

The only possible way for this not to be entirely insane is if you don't know anyone else going at all.

LaurieFairyCake · 06/03/2015 22:52

If you're her best friend why are your DH and children not invited?

Are you quite sure you're her best friend?

Jackieharris · 06/03/2015 22:53

How can it be 'remote' but also in a 'city'?

You sound a bit precious. There must be other guests staying at other hotels. Why don't you share a cab with them? It's months away so plenty of time to pre arrange this. If you are the brides best friend then surely you know some of the other guests?

Getting a taxi from one hotel to another is completely different from standing in outside queues with loads of drunk strangers.

How old are you? Are you not used to doing things alone?

WineIsMyMainVice · 06/03/2015 22:54

You haven't really said what you want to do! If you want to go then 5/6 miles is not far in a taxi - as long as you're wearing your big girl pants!! It could be a fun night out and chance to meet new people and have a fun time!! On the other hand if you don't like weddings then just politely decline and send a nice card!

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