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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another wedding one!

97 replies

ACSlater · 06/03/2015 22:09

I have a wedding to attend in August. It's about 200 miles from home, I'm invited alone. No plus one and no DC.

The venue is pretty remote, closest hotels (other than the venue) are at least 5-6 miles away.

I asked my friend if I could have one of the rooms in the hotel as I'll be alone and don't really feel comfortable travelling by taxi to another hotel in an area I don't know. She says that the hotel rooms are reserved for those with children to take to bed so they can carry on partying.

I'm considering not going. I'm not happy to be travelling an area I don't know on my own. If I were able to stay in the hotel I'd feel a lot more confident about going.

AIBU in thinking that inviting a lone female means you should make rooms available at the venue rather than them traipsing around a strange city alone?

OP posts:
KingJoffreyFanciesDarylDixon · 06/03/2015 22:59

Nah, don't go.

Weird that your DH isn't invited to your best friend's wedding.

I wouldn't go alone. They'll stick you on the single persons and gobshites table.

BackforGood · 06/03/2015 23:01

I read the OP to mean that she hadn't got dc or a dh, rather than they were being deliberately excluded ? (Could be wrong of course??)

Original poster
ACSlater · 06/03/2015 23:03

This place is so funny.

Yes I can do things alone and yes it's possible to know friends independently from their other friends. I'm eternally sorry for saying remote and city, remote and place may clear that up.

I'm being unreasonable then. Strangely my priority is my safety.

OP posts:
Original poster
ACSlater · 06/03/2015 23:04

I have a DP. I'm separated from DH (know couple marrying, father of children)

OP posts:
TheSingingMonkey · 06/03/2015 23:07

But what is unsafe? The hotel is five miles away, it's nothing. Just get a taxi. I expect the venue would book one for you or at least give you phone numbers.

Why would you be traipsing round by yourself? You wouldn't be traipsing round anywhere surely?

Do you know anyone other than the bride? Is that the problem?

Jackieharris · 06/03/2015 23:07

Ask for a female taxi driver then!

Jackiebrambles · 06/03/2015 23:11

I think you are being a bit precious op.

It's your good friends wedding, surely you can pre-book a licensed taxi from the hotel to another hotel nearby (premier inn or whatever), you'd be perfectly safe!

Do you know many others going?

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 06/03/2015 23:17

Op if you look up a properly licensed taxi company and book from them there really is no discernible danger, it is v likely that you could share a taxi with other wedding guests if you wanted to.

kokodebut · 06/03/2015 23:22

I understand being alone in an unfamilar place is daunting, but you need to think about if the safety issue is the only factor that is stopping you from attending the wedding.

My advice would be is to ring up the hotel directly and see if they have rooms free or voice your concerns with the bride about how worried you are about your safety again. I remember as a kid, I used to fall asleep at wedding, since everything dragged on, so I'd sleep in a hotel room until we were ready to go. I can understand why the bride has reserved rooms for those with children, so that they can go to sleep or watch a film instead. However, I do think she should leave some rooms open especially since you have said that the safety is an issue.

The wedding is in August which gives you plenty of time to meet some of the bride's friends and get to know each other. So if you do attend, you will know a few people there.Once you are at the venue you can share a lift to the hotel with some of them.

With regards to the safety the hotel should have a list of reccommended taxi firms and if you pre-book before hand, there will be a record on the computer system. Maybe once you are at the venue you can share a lift with some of the other guests.

Go with what you feel happy with OP. Smile

kokodebut · 06/03/2015 23:28

Oh sorry, Just realised everything I've menitoned has been said already. My fault for writing an essay I suppose.

If you drink alcohol, maybe don't drink a lot to keep alert, I honestly think that if you go with a licensed taxi firm you will be fine. There will probably be the same taxi firm taking other guests to various hotels over the course of the evening. It just sounds like a shame to miss a friends wedding over a situation that is unlikely to happen if you take the right precautions.

PuppyMonkey · 06/03/2015 23:34

I'm a little squiffy so I just want to say. - go .

my2centsis · 06/03/2015 23:36

Some posters just wasn't to pick a fight to make their own desperate little life's seems better. No op your not being U. I would also decline

SirChenjin · 06/03/2015 23:39

You could ask for a female taxi driver as PPs have already said - but the whole thing seems like a complete faff, and unless I knew loads of other people going and wouldn't be the only singleton there, I'd decline the invitation.

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 06/03/2015 23:41

Or my2centis some posters have quite lovely lives and also aren't scared about getting a taxi to travel five miles...it's not that radical.

bloodyteenagers · 06/03/2015 23:42

I really don't understand what the safety issue is.
You need to elaborate on this

evelynj · 06/03/2015 23:48

Yabu for not wanting to get a taxi alone I'm afraid-there's probably other guests that you could travel with to nearby hotels if this is really your big concern. But there's no need to go if you're just looking for a get out. Good luck

KittenCamile · 06/03/2015 23:50

I'm sorry I don't get why you won't be safe, you would be in a taxi driving from one hotel to another, what's not safe? How is this a faff? I would go!

KatieKaye · 06/03/2015 23:58

Don't o if you don't want to go.

But the idea that because you are a female in a strange location means you cannot get into a taxi for a five mile trip is strange. Women do this all the time - including on work trips, where you often don't have an option. Flip, I can remember debating if it was OTT to ask permission to get a taxi from Kings Cross to my hotel when I arrived in London on business at around 10pm (Obviously my boss agreed!)

You get into a taxi at the venue, you get out at your hotel. What is the big issue?

So yes, YABU in thinking you can't make a short journey by yourself unless you have some disability that means you need assistance.

PurpleSwift · 07/03/2015 00:13

You think it's unsafe to get a taxi 5-6 miles because you're a lone female? That seems quite OTT.
YABU.

MillyMollyMandy78 · 07/03/2015 00:59

Is there a back story to this? Have you been the victim of some sort of attack/ abuse in the past that makes you feel particularly vulnerable/ unsafe in this scenario? If so then that is completely understandable and i would suggest explaining this to your friend to see if she can help you eg by arranging for someone to share a taxi with. If not, do you suffer from general anxiety? I can be a bit of a worry wort, but this would be no concern to myself or most women, which makes me wonder if there is something more to this

TendonQueen · 07/03/2015 01:30

Unless it's a chain hotel of the Travelodge /Premier Inn type, it'll have at least a few single rooms. Those will be no good for families. And whatever your friend might say, the hotel will want to book those out if it possibly can. Why not ring the hotel and see what they say first?

LindyHemming · 07/03/2015 02:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PastPerfect · 07/03/2015 04:00

Yanbu not to go - you are not obliged.

You are being totally unreasonable and somewhat disingenuous to blame not going on some sort of safety issue (unless there is a particular why you feel vulnerable) when the reality is you're anoyed that you are not being prioritised over small children and that your DP hasn't been invited

AvaCrowder · 07/03/2015 04:07

YANBU but I wouldn't miss my best friend's wedding if it was on Artica.

dancingwithmyselfandthecat · 07/03/2015 06:00

I think it's fair enough to prioritise those coming with children for the rooms onsite. Most adults wouldn't expect that another adult would take issue with taking a cab five miles alone (barring special circs unmentioned here). You can probably share a cab with other guests anyway. If there aren't enough rooms onsite other people will surely be going in your direction.