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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another wedding one!

97 replies

ACSlater · 06/03/2015 22:09

I have a wedding to attend in August. It's about 200 miles from home, I'm invited alone. No plus one and no DC.

The venue is pretty remote, closest hotels (other than the venue) are at least 5-6 miles away.

I asked my friend if I could have one of the rooms in the hotel as I'll be alone and don't really feel comfortable travelling by taxi to another hotel in an area I don't know. She says that the hotel rooms are reserved for those with children to take to bed so they can carry on partying.

I'm considering not going. I'm not happy to be travelling an area I don't know on my own. If I were able to stay in the hotel I'd feel a lot more confident about going.

AIBU in thinking that inviting a lone female means you should make rooms available at the venue rather than them traipsing around a strange city alone?

OP posts:
Tealady1983 · 07/03/2015 06:07

Why on gods green earth can't you get in a taxi as a 'lone female'?

It women like you that give the rest of us a bad name!

HTH

TobyLerone · 07/03/2015 06:09

You're being a bit lame, OP. You're a grown-up and it's annoying to see an adult woman whining about having to get a taxi 5 miles by herself.

perpetua72 · 07/03/2015 06:22

I don't think you're out of line to decline if you're not happy with what you'll have to do, but I do think that you're extremely immature to be scared of getting a taxi or going to an area you don't know. The bride hasn't made accommodations for you because I honestly don't think it would occur to anyone that anyone would be scared of this. It's rather ridiculous, frankly. You're an adult, why aren't you acting like one, FFS?!

diddl · 07/03/2015 06:26

Can't you ask the hotel if they have a room?

Or has the bride booked them all?

Seems odd to me to have a reception in a hotel (if that is what is happening), but then expect some to taxi to another!

I'm sure if OP really wanted to then she would.

You sound as if you might be looking for excuses OP

FFTransform · 07/03/2015 06:58

I think you are on paper Yabu, however I went though a stage of being very anxious which manifested as being scared of travelling home by myself, previously to this I had waltzed around London at all hours waiting for night busses, walking though parks at 2 am, and after a stressful time in my life that all changed. I then spent lots of evenings completely miserable not being able to enjoy myself as a ran through going home scenarios get more and more stressed.

You are not being logical about the actual risks but if that means that you will not enjoy the wedding you either have to try to confront the problem if the wish to be at the wedding is more important, but if the wedding is geared towards this family union thing and you will be a tiny bit part I'd be tempted to agree it was too much hassle :)

Aridane · 07/03/2015 07:02

Don't get the safety issue, sorry - so for that, YABU. however, if you don't want to go the wedding, well, that's fine - don't go if you find them purgatory

letsgotothebeach · 07/03/2015 07:08

YABU especially as its your best friends wedding.

LaLaLaaaa · 07/03/2015 08:11

YABU - you're an adult, why can't you get a taxi alone and stay at a hotel alone? Do you not ever have to travel for work?

I'm sure there will be others sharing taxis back afterwards, see if the bride can put you in touch with people like this.

If I had had to provide rooms for a lone female guests attending my wedding I'd have had no rooms for family or even myself. Instead I put people in touch with each other to share taxi.

I am a bit Confused at idea that people think travelling in a taxi alone is a safety issue. I went round the world on my own, this makes no sense to me.

Yanbu to refuse invitation if you just don't want to go!

PrimalLass · 07/03/2015 08:58

I think you are being precious about the travel to another hotel. Have you never done anything like that alone?

keepsmiling2015 · 07/03/2015 09:46

I don't think you are BU at all! I wouldn't be bothered going tbh. Do you know anyone else going? Are ye a group of friends?

TheRealAmandaClarke · 07/03/2015 10:17

YABU to think that a single female should have priority for rooms.
If that were the case and you wer attending wi your children then you would hae to leave early and your whole family would have to travel to another hotel.
But if it were my wedding I would try to hook you up with someone to travel with if that would make you feel more comfortable.
A you pissed off because youre lower down the list than the ppl who are bringing their kids?
Just decline. You dont like weddings. Stay at home and save everyone the trauma.

NerrSnerr · 07/03/2015 10:24

Why on earth is it unsafe? Ask the venue or hotel for taxi firms they recommend. How do people get through life if they can't ever get a taxi alone?

redskirt · 07/03/2015 10:25

It seems strange to me that your dp isn't invited. Personally that would put me off going.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 07/03/2015 10:30

YaBU, sorry. I totally agree with your friend that parents with kids to put to bed should have the rooms available.

A 5 or 6 mile trip in a taxi to a hotel? Honestly don't understand what the problem is.

Can't you see it as a potentially fun and exciting trip alone? Or don't go, but your reasons are a bit lame to be honest.

Trills · 07/03/2015 10:33

Another one here thinking that if the only issue you have is that you

don't really feel comfortable travelling by taxi to another hotel in an area I don't know

then you have time to get over that before August.

Is there anything else that is bothering you?

salthill · 07/03/2015 10:53

Do all these people with children live miles away from the venue? If not I don't see why they're all having to stay at the hotel. Can't the parents take them home after the day's events, get a babysitter and come back to enjoy the night without children to worry about. Most kids aren't just going to settle down early to sleep in a strange hotel room anyway. How on earth would they hear them if they woke up, they could be sick or anything. There's no way I could enjoy the night thinking of children alone in a room where I couldn't hear them. Apart from that, yanbu, you shouldnt be expected to find another hotel.

NerrSnerr · 07/03/2015 10:57

Salt- we would want to stay in the hotel with our child as we could take her up for a nap and then take it in turns to stay in the room with her. We wouldn't leave her but being in the same hotel would be convenient.

Jux · 07/03/2015 11:02

You are being precious op. There really is nothing to worry about. You could probably share a taxi to the other hotel with another guest, if you wanted to, but getting a taxi alone is really not a problem.

raffle · 07/03/2015 11:17

It will be safe, get your hotel to order you a cab to the venue, then get the venue to order you one home. They have lists of registered cabs they regularly use. Have fun. I would love a night in a hotel room on my own!

salthill · 07/03/2015 11:26

That would be the only way it could be safely done NerrSnerr, but it's not much of a night is it, taking it in turns to sit in the room. I wonder though if everyone is as responsible as that, and not think that it's safe to leave them once they are asleep. If it was me though I'd try my best to be able to leave the kids at home with a babysitter so I could relax and let my hair down. I do appreciate though that that isn't possible for everyone.

Littlefluffyclouds81 · 07/03/2015 11:36

Don't go, whatever you do.

ALL taxi drivers are predatory sex offenders. Especially ones from reputable, licensed firms.Hmm

Lily484 · 07/03/2015 11:41

It's all a bit embarrassing. What do you envisage happening on this 5 mile taxi journey? Your life must be very restricted if you feel you can't do something so simple because your a 'lone female'.

EveBoswell · 07/03/2015 11:44

Wedding aside, I go to evening meetings by myself. There's usually a buffet and booze there. I get myself a local B&B (it doesn't have to be a hotel) and drive there first. I get a cab to the venue, enjoy myself and get a cab back, driving home the next day. Why is it so hard for the Op to do just that?

Are you aggrieved because your DP and children are not invited, OP?

SilentBob · 07/03/2015 11:56

I am baffled. 'My priority is my safety'? Okey dokey.

Mackereloffact · 07/03/2015 12:13

Just ask the bride what hotel the other guests are mostly staying at, and then seek them out and arrange a cab with them on the day. It'll save them money too so I doubt anyone will mind. I've done this SO many times without even knowing who was staying at my hotel beforehand.