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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Another wedding one!

97 replies

ACSlater · 06/03/2015 22:09

I have a wedding to attend in August. It's about 200 miles from home, I'm invited alone. No plus one and no DC.

The venue is pretty remote, closest hotels (other than the venue) are at least 5-6 miles away.

I asked my friend if I could have one of the rooms in the hotel as I'll be alone and don't really feel comfortable travelling by taxi to another hotel in an area I don't know. She says that the hotel rooms are reserved for those with children to take to bed so they can carry on partying.

I'm considering not going. I'm not happy to be travelling an area I don't know on my own. If I were able to stay in the hotel I'd feel a lot more confident about going.

AIBU in thinking that inviting a lone female means you should make rooms available at the venue rather than them traipsing around a strange city alone?

OP posts:

Pandora37 · 07/03/2015 12:31

I'm assuming this strange city is in the same country where you speak the same language? In which case YABU. I could understand it if you were going to a country where English isn't the main language spoken but most adult women have been to cities that they don't know at some point on their own surely and survived?! If this is really worrying you, it sounds like you have some kind of anxiety issue. I get lost very easily so I can understand if you feel anxious about that but as long as you've prepared the route well you'll be fine.

And for what it's worth, I regularly travel alone in taxis with male drivers and have never had anything happen to me. The chances of anything bad happening are very slim. You must have been in a taxi alone before?

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 07/03/2015 12:43

You are being outrageously precious about a short taxi ride. Unless there is something else you haven't told us that means you are overly anxious.

It sounds as if you are pissed off with the whole thing and have decided to whinge about not getting a room in the hotel.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 07/03/2015 13:07

Agree with pps that it seems you are pissed off about the wedding and using the room/taxi issue to fabricate a "valid" excuse for being displeased.
Are you annoyed that your kids/ dp arent invited? I can understand that tbh.
Or do you just not like weddings? Maybe you considere yourself as higher up the chain in the wedding party.
Its always ok to decline.

expatinscotland · 07/03/2015 13:10

Don't go to this wedding. Just decline now. Sounds like a pain in the arse. Weddings usually are.

thatsucks · 07/03/2015 13:14

How dare anyone get married, ANYWHERE, any time, any how and invite anyone??

OUTRAGEOUS.

Signed, Mumsnet 'The Home of the Hatred Against All Weddings'

Jux · 07/03/2015 13:15

The weddings I've gone to where there are lots of children, a babysitter has been appointed, all the children occupy a suite and bed down where they can (after running riot for a bit of course). Guests with children are told they can leave them there from a specified time, so that both parents can then enjoy the evening fully. It's always seemed to work well. We've left dd in such circumstances; she's had a whale of a time, made new friends, played different games, and fallen asleep where she lay. It's a special occasion and normal rules don't apply. At 15 now, she'd probably be a babysitter helper these days. When the parents have finished partying they come and quietly pick up their children, and eventually the people whose suite it is can go to bed (usually a bride or groom's parent(s) or the family with the most children.

Saz12 · 07/03/2015 23:13

Guest-zilla.

Brummiegirl15 · 07/03/2015 23:26

I suspect this isn't about staying in a hotel by yourself and getting a taxi.

I suspect this is because you are going to the wedding alone full stop and your DP at least isn't invited

I'm slightly surprised if you are the best friend your DP hasn't been invited. Even if you didn't have a DP if you didn't know anyone, I wouldn't dream of not giving that person a +1 as I've been that single invitee and it's shit. Completely different if a load of friends are going and they all know each other.

I've declined a couple of weddings because I've not had a +1 invite and didn't really fancy it.

But the scared of getting a taxi 5 miles by yourself and claiming the bride is being unreasonable is a bit off.

Jux · 08/03/2015 19:50

I was always a single invitee until I was in my late 30s. I really enjoyed it. Met and chatted to loads of people I would not have met or chatted to if I'd been half of a couple.

SauvignonBlanche · 08/03/2015 19:59

AIBU in thinking that inviting a lone female means you should make rooms available at the venue rather than them traipsing around a strange city alone?

If this would be at the expense of those with young children then YABU.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 08/03/2015 20:11

Youre not traipsing around a strange city.
Just getting a short cab ride to another hotel.

Poochlover · 08/03/2015 20:12

I'd call the hotel and make sure there were no single rooms available, if I wanted to attend. Not that I'd be scared of getting a taxi alone to a different hotel, but it is a bit of a PITA and extra expense (depending on hotel prices of course)!

They might have a room or they might be able to sort something out.

However if you don't think you'll enjoy yourself at all, if you know nobody aside from the couple, I understand why you'd not want to go.

YABU about safety, unless in extenuating circumstance (anxiety/other MH issues that your friend is aware of , IMO).

TheSingingMonkey · 08/03/2015 20:12

I'm not sure the OP is coming back.

benchmark · 08/03/2015 20:14

YANBU what kind of friend invites their best friend to a wedding far enough away that they have to stay in a hotel but doesn't give a +1? Sod that, just don't go.

Poochlover · 08/03/2015 20:16

I also agree, why not a plus 1? That IS strange.

Waltermittythesequel · 08/03/2015 20:23

Not inviting dp is weird unless you've been with him about five minutes and all arrangements were made before he was on the scene.

But your reasons are mad! They should make sure you have a room because you have a vagina? Er, no.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 08/03/2015 20:28

Tbh. I probably wouldnt go to an overnight wedding if my dh hadnt been invited. I would find it a bit of a chore. But i find weddings a bit of a chore anyway. In fact. I have no overnight childcare so without the kids we have to politely decline.
But that doesnt mean I would expect t have been given priority for rooms over attending families.
I would just not fancy it.

championnibbler · 08/03/2015 20:44

oh i sooooo would not go.
screw that shit.

arethereanyleftatall · 08/03/2015 21:01

So, have you never been in a taxi alone before?

arethereanyleftatall · 08/03/2015 21:03

Don't go if you don't want to. But how would you feel if this friend didn't come to your wedding? (And made up some frankly ridiculous reason why not).

FishWithABicycle · 08/03/2015 21:06

I wouldn't let the things you list in your OP worry me or prevent me from going IF there were going to be plenty of people there that I know.

If the only people there that I knew well would be the B&G I would not go.

Otherwise, if you want to be there, there is almost certainly at least one other lone person who lives far away and can't have a room at the venue. Ask bride to put you in touch with such people to coordinate taxi-sharing to other hotels. Not a problem.

If someone isn't important enough to you such that you aren't prepared to put yourself out a little to help celebrate their wedding, don't go.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 08/03/2015 21:16

A grown woman can't travel 5 or 6 miles in a taxi for "safety reasons"? Seriously? Seriously??!

Ffs woman up! What do you think is going to happen in a licensed mini cab that wouldn't happen when you walk to the supermarket or travel to work or err, any other time you happen to be going about your business?

If you don't want to go then don't but pestering the bride about such trivial matters that you should be capable of sorting out yourself is bizarre.

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