AIBU to object to a customer referring to one of my team as "the bird behind the counter"?

[soundsystem]

And WIBU to say something about it?

I work in food retail and got an email from a customer with a suggestion (actually quite a good suggestion). He said he'd "told the bird behind the counter" but she didn't seem interested. To be honest, I suspect his attitude in "telling" her probably contributed to this - she's normally quite receptive to ideas and generally a smiley, polite person.

Say something to who?

Not sure who you can complain to as its a customer not a member of staff saying that. Not sure what you want to achieve either? Do you want your boss to ban that customer from coming in the shop?

YANBU. Write back informing him of the correct way to refer to a woman. And thanking him for his idea.

To the customer DoJo.

And no, NU. Say something polite but firm along the lines of "great suggestion, we'll put that in place, but we always do our staff the courtesy of addressing them politely and not in sexist terms, you fuckwit, what is it? 1972 so in future could you refer to her by her name / as woman / other suitable term."

Have you spoken to the 'bird' in question. TBF it's hard to tell tone from emails, unless the rest of it sounded a bit arsey and some people use terms like 'bird' and don't see why others object.

I think the best think is just to write back thanking for idea. Very difficult to correct a member of the public even though he stuck in the 1920s. If corrected i can see further emails coming from him.

I think you have to pretend you haven't noticed the inappropriate language and respond as you would if he'd addressed her correctly.

If he was in front of you and had spoken like that to your face, you could judge the mood and respond appropriately but it's never a good idea to try and deal with anything "contentious" by email IMO.

YANBU to want to say something, but I'm not sure you can really, other than by modeling acceptable terminology. Send back a polite response, referring to your colleague in an appropriate manner.

No you can't say anything.

Was the letter from Danny Dyer?

I agree with Errol. Send back a formal response using correct terminology (Dear Sir / Mr _ .

@waffles80 that's kind of what I was thinking

Will definitely write back to say we'll take the suggestion on board was just torn between what @errolthedragon said re. modelling acceptable language (which I will certainly do) or actually saying something.

I should have said it's a food outlet within a workplace so it's a bit different than a shop on the high street I think as we're all meant to be one team (trying not to out myself, not meaning to dripfeed!)

I'm a manager and I would definitely say something in my email back to him.

Email him back saying thanks for the suggestion but to be clear we don't have live animals behind the counter

Write back and say you are always receptive to customer feedback but that the grown intelligent woman behind the counter probably assumed he wasn't talking to her,since she isn't a parrot.
Finish it with "Who's a pretty boy then".

If he's a member of staff in the same organisiation, I'd be having a word with his line manger

I work in a complaints department so deal with numerous emails/letters from customers a day, some of which mention staff.

We have a very strict policy that we do not accept abuse in any form - so any comments along the lines of 'that stupid cow' 'that useless man' etc - get a very firm response along the lines of 'Our staff are highly qualified and always try to provide excellent customer service. I am therefore disappointed that you chose to refer to the staff member in question in derogatory terms and must inform you that this will not be tolerated, should there be a recurrence'.

However - that's actual abuse. The 'descriptive' terms we get vary - 'the blonde girl', 'the young lass' (who happened to be the branch manager!), 'the bird' , 'the skinny guy', 'that lanky man'.

None of which are professional, none of which are PC or really 'appropriate' to use. BUT...customers have the right to use whatever 'descriptive' terms they like, unless outrightly abusive.

You're not on a one-woman crusade here to correct language that YOU find inappropriate. By all means, correct a colleague or friend on the inappropriateness of 'bird' but it's not your place to attempt to educate your customers - the people who pay your wages.

For context, I'm a manager within complaints and if one of my team responded to a customer letter seeking to correct them in anyway, based on their own personal feelings, I'd have them in a disciplinary hearing before their feet touched the ground.

thatbloodywoman is quite right.

Given the circumstances (assuming staff canteen / cafe?) words must be said.

confuddled he doesn't pay our wages, his employer does (i.e. the organisation pays to have a catering service, it's not a commercial operation). If it was a high street operation I'd completely agree with you, think it's a bit different thought as the organisation (who do pay our wages) def wouldn't find it acceptable.

LaSalle Think you're right, that's probably the way to go.

thatbloodywoman tempting...

areyoulistening :)

So you basically all work in the same workplace, and although not colleagues in the strict sense, work in close proximity? He is treading dangerously.

I'm surprised there isn't a formal procedure for making suggestions.

I would tend to either ignore, or respond politely in general terms thanking him for his suggestion and saying "we have been unable to identify the member of staff you refer to from the description given".

I do sympathise.

One of my customers was telling me about another organisation and told me they had hired 'a new girl'. I replied 'actually I have met her, shes a grown up you know!' and he apologised - but its easier to do this sort of thing verbally than in writing.

Do you know the customer? I'd be tempted to wait until you see him face to face and then have a word. Thanking him for his suggestion, but you were a bit puzzled about his choice of words and if he wants you to act on the suggestion could he please email you again with something a bit more repeatable/appropriate as you can't go round forwarding on slang.

Waffles80 the stuff you scored out is just mindless verbal abuse. It seems that his suggestion was actually a good one but that all he's being criticized for is not being overly posh in how he addresses people.

Burke

Not being "overly posh"? He used a sexist pejorative to refer to an adult woman. Whether intentional or not, that kind of langauge is mysogynistic; it belittles and undermines women, it treats women as less than men and furthers inequality.

Thus, he is a fuckwit.

YY waffles, well said.

confuddled he doesn't pay our wages, his employer does (i.e. the organisation pays to have a catering service, it's not a commercial operation)

So the users of the service all get free food? If so, I agree.

If you take money from people then they are the people who pay your wages.