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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wish people wouldn't say they are sorry about my toddler having glasses?

108 replies

Ineedacleaningfairy · 05/03/2015 06:14

My 2 year old recently got his first pair of glasses, it's gone really well, he has worn them without and problems (as I think he's happy to be able to see much better with them on) other people's reactions have really supprised me, lots of people have said they are sorry to hear about his new glasses and many people have had a story about a niece/neighbour/child they babysat/school friend who had glasses as a child but who is just fine now.

These things are all said in front of my child.

I had no idea having glasses was seen so negatively, I'm just happy that we live in a country where we have access to eye checks and glasses and I think my son looks pretty cute like the milky bar kid in his glasses.

Aibu to wish people wouldn't say they are sorry about the glasses? I know they are only trying to be supportive but I'm getting tired of trying to explain that we are quite happy about his glasses and he is infancy very proud of them.

OP posts:
EveBoswell · 05/03/2015 20:42

The choice of NHS frames for children is really broad - it isn't like it used to be with blue/pink/brown plastic frames the only option.

Gawd! Mine were always rolled gold when I first had them. Those with circular lenses that you see in 1940s films...

worldsgonemade · 05/03/2015 20:47

Ynba, I have had a few negative comments one extremely rude lady in ELC laughing and pointing at dd when she was 20 months old. All 3 of my dc have had glasses before the age of 1, dd1 being the worst +12.75. Her glasses cost a fortune at £500+ a pair and as she's only 8 now they are changed ever 6 months. It's the lenses that are expensive and the Nhs vouchers don't cover the full cost of lenses for her prescription but will cover the full cost of contact lenses. She was offered these from 10 months old but.personally think she is to young for them.

Trills · 05/03/2015 20:49

Depending on how they said it, you may be overreacting.

Needing glasses is worse than not needing them.

It just is.

Your life is not quite as easy as it would be otherwise.

There are no benefits. It's not a tradeoff. It's just worse.

(I say that as a glasses-wearer)

So expressing sympathy is not totally unreasonable.

Cantdecideondinner · 05/03/2015 20:53

DD has had glasses since she was 5 and I don't think anyone has ever said anything negative to her and she has never objected to wearing them and she looks absolutely gorgeous in them. When she first got them she was the only one with glasses in her glass but now there are about half a dozen in the class.

I'm extremely short sighted and am a good candidate for laser surgery but I'm too scared to go to one of the chains and am saving up to have it at moorfields. I think it will change my life.

Ineedacleaningfairy · 05/03/2015 21:02

It's really interesting to hear about all the challenges, I don't wear glasses so the realities of glasses are new to me.

I feel like the commiserations have been out of proportion to the actual issue, my child has +3.5 in one eye so not a hugely strong prescription, I see it on par with someone having hay-fever or mild eczema or dyslexia or left handedness, yes some things will be more awkward and challenging but most people have some small hurdles in life and I'm not sure being sorry about small challenges is the appropriate response.

OP posts:
sqibble · 06/03/2015 11:33

My boy may have shit vision, but at least his mum isn't a knobhead.

That made me smile.

TattyDevine · 06/03/2015 14:53

I got a bit of this when my daughter got them. I was a bit WTF as well!

One friend I said "oh, xx is getting her glasses next week!" and she said "ooooh, never mind" as if it were something distressing.

I said to my brother via a message that she needed glasses (part of a general conversation) and he said "aww poor xx"

Even husband said, "oh, does she?!" in a disappointed voice when I rang him from the hospital apt where her vision thing was assessed.

Anyway fast forward about 3 years later and I think everyone realises it was a total non-event. The glasses they have these days are quite sweet (worse for me when I was a kid growing up, very plasticy looking and thick!) but its all characters and cute roundish frames and stuff, I think she almost looks better with them. In fact she does look better now, because she had some squinting/lazy eye issues before and now she doesn't, due to the glasses and some patching we did.

Her prescription in her bad eye is worse than your childs, but the difference between the good eye and bad eye is about the same, which is what causes the squint (the "difference"). Actually it can also be a muscle thing, but the discrepancy is what causes them to stop using the eye eventually.

Anyway, total non event, and if she wants to do without them when she is older, because of sport, dancing or vanity, that's fine, she can get contact lenses on the NHS, and they don't have to wait till they are 16 or some magical number, age about 10 is fine apparently.

I had specs from when I was about 14 months old, and they were the least of my worries, in that I needed 2 operations. I mainly wear contacts now, and sometimes glasses, and I'm finding now I'm in my late 30's everyone around me is getting glasses anyway and when I'm wearing my contacts I'm one of the only people without them!

Sirene321 · 08/03/2015 17:46

Hi, I know exactly how you feel. My middle child got glasses at 18 months and my youngest had them by 8 months, both will likely need them for life. Little boy is +7, + 8 and little girl was +11 now +9.
They both get lots of fuss (the four year old not so much now)
People do ask questions but it seems out of a genuine interest eg how did we know? The real comments are frustrating though, and I do get a little twinge when people put their babies in glasses for amusement and comic value... I know I shouldn't feel like that but I do.
I actually love them in their specs and wouldn't change it at all now
I have done a few blog posts on it at allthingskiddiewink.com
Some may help or you may have similar experiences

To wish people wouldn't say they are sorry about my toddler having glasses?
To wish people wouldn't say they are sorry about my toddler having glasses?
To wish people wouldn't say they are sorry about my toddler having glasses?
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