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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wish people wouldn't say they are sorry about my toddler having glasses?

108 replies

Ineedacleaningfairy · 05/03/2015 06:14

My 2 year old recently got his first pair of glasses, it's gone really well, he has worn them without and problems (as I think he's happy to be able to see much better with them on) other people's reactions have really supprised me, lots of people have said they are sorry to hear about his new glasses and many people have had a story about a niece/neighbour/child they babysat/school friend who had glasses as a child but who is just fine now.

These things are all said in front of my child.

I had no idea having glasses was seen so negatively, I'm just happy that we live in a country where we have access to eye checks and glasses and I think my son looks pretty cute like the milky bar kid in his glasses.

Aibu to wish people wouldn't say they are sorry about the glasses? I know they are only trying to be supportive but I'm getting tired of trying to explain that we are quite happy about his glasses and he is infancy very proud of them.

OP posts:
ouryve · 05/03/2015 10:16

ChipDip Thu 05-Mar-15 07:48:12

I too would feel sorry when i see very small children with glasses. Its not because I think it's insignificant just that at such a little age they have to be responsible for taking care of it and all that hassle.

_

What hassle? Even my learning disabled 8yo can take care of his glasses when he doesn't lose them down the back of the sofa

sqibble · 05/03/2015 10:20

My dd had glasses from age 2.

Don'tUnderstand I first noticed because her pupils in photographs didn't match - one would be in the centre, one slightly to the side. Within the next three months she had developed an obvious squint. The GP could see nothing wrong when I first took her in but referred us to ophthalmology anyway because of family history. By the time we got the appointment she was cross eyed. In hindsight other things were that she would watch the tv with her head turned to one side, peering out of one eye. And she was forever banging her head on the door frame, running in and out of the room.

A few people did commiserate but I didn't take it offensively I don't think. I did feel sad she has to deal with it but reasoned there are so many worse things in life. When she was about six a few of her friends desperately wanted glasses too - things have changed so much. I would have been irritated if people were negative in front of her though.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 05/03/2015 10:21

I think the issue is adults rather than children. DS2 had glasses and patching from 4 onwards and none of the children in his class have ever been negative about it. I wonder if its adults who remember the stigma of the rather unplesant NHS specs in the 70's who are assuming its still the same.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 05/03/2015 10:22

unpleasant
(should have cleaned my specs before I typed Wink)

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 05/03/2015 10:25

Lottie But I am a routine glasses wearer. With a predictable condition. (Assuming you meant me.) Ok - a bit of an extreme but I see a normal optician, I choose glasses from the "fashion" range. I live a normal life. It's just that every now and then something happens that reminds me how dependent I really am. (Like the screw falling out and a lens coming out of my glasses when I took my jumper off 10 minutes into a 10 hour flight. With my contact lenses and spare glasses in the hold. Luckily my dh is very good at fixing glasses as I couldn't see far enough to fix them. Grin )

I do agree though that glasses are not a bad thing. Glasses are a great thing. It's the eye deterioration that is the bad thing.

Completely confused though by parents who are pleased their kids needed glasses because they looked "cute". No matter how adorable they look (and some do look totally adorable) how can you celebrate the deterioration of one of the 5 senses.

Seriouslyffs · 05/03/2015 10:26

Dontunderstand, they can test without the child being verbal even, with a chart of pictures and then th child matches it to the picture shown far away.

VivaLeBeaver · 05/03/2015 10:35

My dd had drops put i. Her eyes at age 2 and they could tell what prescription she needed by how her eyes then reacted when focusing......I think.

Hubb · 05/03/2015 10:36

sixgeese

Oh my god wtf is wrong with some people! That is so ignorant and cruel.

Your DD is lucky to have a positive lovely mummy. :)

Hubb · 05/03/2015 10:39

Can anyone tell me how they test the eyes of very little people?

I've got really bad eyesight and DS is just over a year. Would like to get him tested but how can they assess his vision?

Op I agree with others suggesting you should put these people right, they are very rude.

Hubb · 05/03/2015 10:43

Ooh crossed with Seriously and Viva, that so interesting how they can assess their vision at an early age

Hoppinggreen · 05/03/2015 10:48

My nephew ( now 5) has worn glasses since about 18 months.
I am not sorry for him but I am sorry for his parents who have to constantly remind him to wear them, try and find where he has left them and replace them when he loses them.
I wear glasses myself and I would rather not from a purely practical point of view but I wouldn't feel " sorry" for anyne wearing them based on looks.

Seriouslyffs · 05/03/2015 11:09

Hubb as well as getting them to match pictures they check slightly older children know the words and then they can 'read' a chart from afar- boat, flower, tree dog cat etc.
they were checking DD1 recognised the pictures but when they came to van she said car, so the opthalmologist said, 'it's very like a car and we call it a van'.
When shown a van, DD said,'it's very like a car and we call it a van'.
Grin

Original poster
Ineedacleaningfairy · 05/03/2015 11:16

We haven't experienced the faff side of things yet, maybe I'll feel differently if and when that time comes. Ds's eyesight isn't so bad (yet) that he can't function without glasses so if he drops them he can find them and put them back on by himself.

I have an uncle who was born without eyes, he leads a normal life, he works full time, he's traveled and lived in different countries he plays in a band, swims, skis, rides a tandem bike, I think that might influence the way I see ds's eyesight issues, as if he can cope fine then I shouldn't worry about a bit of mild longsightedness!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ineedacleaningfairy · 05/03/2015 11:21

Oh and we found out there are some benefits to wearing glasses, ds is just learning how to use scissors and at least I don't need to worry about him poking his eye out!

OP posts:
OOAOML · 05/03/2015 11:22

Hubb our optician puts up a picture (I think it is a clown) and asks the children questions about it, but said it is more about observing how their eyes react when looking at it. Not sure how they do babies/non-verbal toddlers.

I think my son really suits his glasses. My daughter doesn't need to wear them any more. My husband and I both wear glasses. They just become part of who you are/how you look. The worst aspect for us was the year there were lots of issues at school with how DS was getting on with the other children - lots of proto-bullying behaviour, and he went through a dozen pairs of glasses with lots of repairs, and us not always knowing what had happened. He was diagnosed as ASD which finally got us listened to and they put strategies in place for him in the playground. But that is more to do with the other children picking on something that was easy to exploit than it being 'terrible' that he had glasses.

rocketeer · 05/03/2015 11:29

Ds1 has worn glasses since he was 5. My nephew had to start wearing them (only for reading etc) when he was 11 and my SIL weeped and wailed for weeks about it! She also said she was worried he would get bullied and DS1 who was about 8 at the time told her to stop being so ridiculous!

Purplepixiedust · 05/03/2015 11:29

I can see both sides here and I have worn glasses since I was 5. My 8 yo has recently started wearing them and while he looks great in them and I am pleased he can see well again I still wish he didn't have to have them. I had a lot of trouble at school as a glasses wearer. I got bullied a lot but thankfully at least at this age there is no negativity in my son's school. He is perfectly happy about them and his friends have been nothing but positive, even jealous! I hope this continues into secondary school. Glasses can be a pain though. They steam up, they fall off and get broken and over time they cost a lot of money to buy.

While my son can see reasonably well at present, it is a sign that his eyesight is deteriorating and is likely to continue to do so. Mine is still deteriorating so that now I am as blind as a bat without my glasses. I can only see a couple of inches in front of my face then it all gets very very blurry. I have my glasses thinned and have to be careful on the style I choose or they still look thick. I do everything in mine, shower, swim, even sleep! Glasses are amazing things which make everything possible for people with poor eyesight but the fact remains that without them you are stuffed and that isn't a nice feeling.

For sure people should have more sense than say anything even remotely negative to a child about wearing glasses but to feel sorry they have to have them is not unreasonable. I am sorry my son has to have them despite knowing that he will get so used to them that he doesn't give them a second thought and them being entirely 'normal' to me. I have known parents who are gutted that their child has to wear glasses and would not be offended in the slightest if someone were to sympathise about it. Much better though if people could just be encouraging and positive especially to non glasses wearers who have little experience. Some people are just not very tactful.

dementedpixie · 05/03/2015 11:29

my dd has had glasses since she was 18 months old and at first it was a bit of a shock and I felt sadness for her (nobody in my family had glasses so it wasn't something we had encountered before). The sadness soon wore off and she looked super cute in her tiny glasses. She had a squint too (how we spotted she had a sight issue) and wore a patch for a while and had an operation to improve the squint around age 4.

She is now 11 and still has glasses (and probably always will due to her prescription) and she has had some beautiful frames and now looks naked without them.

They do need windscreen wipers sometimes when it's raining and will steam up when she goes from the cold into a warm room and are never properly clean enough to see through but she copes!

dementedpixie · 05/03/2015 11:34

dd was referred to the Orthoptist at the hospital (via the hv) when she first started squinting. They used a range of pictures of different sizes and she had to say what they were. They didnt used letter charts until she was school aged. They also used drops to dilate the pupils and different lenses so they could work out her glasses prescription.

Sootgremlin · 05/03/2015 11:42

I do think that it is weird and rude when people are negative about things like that in front of small children and I agree that glasses are cute on small children and all the rest, but the reason people are sorry is because whatever way you twist it, having your eyesight begin to deteriorate while you are young isn't a positive thing.

I was fine getting my glasses (too late, very probably) at the age of 8, excited about it in fact, loved the importance of having them. I still fervently hope that my children do not inherit my bad eyesight and won't need glasses. I won't list the bad points here as I don't want to be negative either, but they are an expense and a restriction that I would rather have done without.

cardamomginger · 05/03/2015 11:46

Agreed. YANBU. DD, now 4.3, has had glasses since she was 3.8. She LOVES them, chose them herself an is immensely proud of them. And very good about wearing them. I did have a bit of a 'moment' the first few days she had them, because she looks so pretty without them and looks different with them (not worse, just different). But I kept all of that to myself and recognised that it is my issue, which has now completely resolved.

People's reactions have always been - wow! nice glasses Babycardamom! Which is how it should be.

LiegeAndLief · 05/03/2015 12:05

I have worn glasses since I was 6yo and am very short sighted - cannot function without them (or contacts). I have never been teased or bullied and do not have a problem with wearing them at all, I have contacts but for the most part choose to wear my glasses.

But I do feel a bit sorry for kids I know who get them (my own dc currently have great vision but it can only be a matter of time!). No of course it's not on a par with colostomy bags or cancer treatment, but they can be a right pain and life would generally be a bit easier without them. They get sweaty and slip down/steam up when playing sport, you can't see when swimming, they can get lost or broken and then you can't see at all, they steam up when you go from cold to hot or open the oven. Swimming is a major issue for me as I can't swim in my contacts (they just seem to fall out or wiggle round my eyeball) so I struggle with taking both dc swimming at once and keeping track of them. I can't go to an unfamiliar pool on my own because I can't find my way out of the changing room or tell the deep end from the shallow end or read any signs. Should really get some prescription goggles!

However, I would never say any of this to a child with glasses, or their parent unless I was specifically asked about my experiences.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 05/03/2015 12:13

Prescription goggles are brilliant for swimming but not great for DC watching as they steam up, have limited peripheral vision etc. I used to just keep my glasses on when the DCs were younger, or contacts and great care no try and avoid splashes.

83ash · 05/03/2015 13:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FryOneFatManic · 05/03/2015 13:13

Very strong prescriptions are a pain.

I was told when my youngest was born that I could get them tested from a young age, so I duly started the process with older DD first.

Both DCs are regularly tested now. DD is 14 and has had glasses since she was 10 (she wants contacts, but I am waiting until I can be assured of her hygiene standards). DS doesn't need glasses.

I had glasses aged 7, and should have had them much earlier. With a very long sighted mum, and a very short sighted dad, you would have thought they would twig when I said I was having trouble watching the TV. All they ever said was "move back from the tv, you'll hurt your eyes".

It took my teacher saying something to mum before I got tested Hmm

Which is why I was straight in getting appointments when I knew my DCs could be tested younger than I was.

I did not want them to suffer like I did, no real depth judgement and everything blurry, often double vision. I'm 46 and still have a slight clumsiness even now, it's never really gone completely away.