To wish people wouldn't say they are sorry about my toddler having glasses?

[Ineedacleaningfairy]

My 2 year old recently got his first pair of glasses, it's gone really well, he has worn them without and problems (as I think he's happy to be able to see much better with them on) other people's reactions have really supprised me, lots of people have said they are sorry to hear about his new glasses and many people have had a story about a niece/neighbour/child they babysat/school friend who had glasses as a child but who is just fine now.

These things are all said in front of my child.

I had no idea having glasses was seen so negatively, I'm just happy that we live in a country where we have access to eye checks and glasses and I think my son looks pretty cute like the milky bar kid in his glasses.

Aibu to wish people wouldn't say they are sorry about the glasses? I know they are only trying to be supportive but I'm getting tired of trying to explain that we are quite happy about his glasses and he is infancy very proud of them.

Don'tunderstand you can speak about your concerns to your HV who can tell you what to look out for, and refer you to a children's optometrist.

I'm sorry to disagree with the tone of the thread here, but while i agree that toddlers in glasses look super cute, surely a childhood would be better spent without needing them? is it so wrong to acknowledge that someone's life has a new dimension to it that is more difficult?

Of course conversations in front of the kid should be positive only

As a lifetime glasses wearer and mum of a lifetime glasses wearer I have to say it's a pita needing glasses.

I'd much rather I didn't need them and was gutted when 2yo dd was told she needed them. Not for a looks point of view. I'm happy with how they look in me, dd is gorgeous and wears funky glasses. She's never been teased, etc.

But it does make stuff harder. Maybe it depends on how bad your eyesight is. I can't see 2 Foot without my specs. I was somewhere the other day and my glasses steamed up really badly and my friend had to take my hand and lead me round the room! It's a pain when swimming or skiing.

YANBU, my DD had glasses from 2, and had to wear an eye patch as well.

Some people were a bit negative about it (though I had some brilliant people exclaiming "Wow! I love your new glasses! Aren't they grown-up! And what's that picture on your patch? etc).

People will follow your lead though, I find. If you are unremittingly enthusiastic about how fab your child's glasses are, most people will catch on to the general theme of "being happy about the glasses".

They probably just think your child is too young to follow what they are talking about, and if they had stopped to think, they wouldn't have said negative things in front of them.

DD's had glasses for 5 years now. Nobody even mentions them any more, they are just part of her.

Dontunderstand when my DC were young we were advised to start annual sight tests from age two. They have had them ever since and are now adults. They were very happy about going, as both DH and I go regularly. It's free for children and an excellent service. D&A (now Boots) also do retinal photos. It meant I was always confident about their sight (unlike my own childhood experience).

I think it is a nuisance if your kids need glasses and I would have much preferred my DD not to have had to wear them but I think it's thoughtless for anyone to say that in front of your DS.

I'd call them up on it every single time.

Children are having eye tests much earlier than when I was young - this means they can have glasses to correct their sight whilst their eyes are developing. Surely that is better than having problems life-long (although some will need glasses/lenses long-term)? My children have both had glasses, and my son had patching. I was talking to a colleague who had been told his daughter needed patching but he wasn't going to do it because 'she would be teased' which I thought was such a selfish attitude - patching is generally a small part of a child's life and hopefully corrects a vision problem, why risk your child having a long-term problem just in case they are teased?

DS2 has had glasses since 18 months old. He also patches. It's always been fine. The opticians are great with him and his hospital appointments are very positive too. Some parents have odd attitudes, I've seen (on another forum) people saying they are devastated their child needs glasses, don't know whether to let them play out any more etc. I'd rather DS had good vision but devastation is for serious illness to me not needing glasses.

Our dd had glasses from the age of 8 months. We are talking about the late 1970's here. They had Velcro on them and they were pink NHS metal rimmed ones. She also had an occasional patch as she had a squint also. She had a couple of ops for squint, continued wearing her glasses until she was elevenish and then used contacts. What used to upset me a bit was when she went to nursery and the teachers always referred to her as the little girl with the red hair and glasses instead of her name.

It does make life harder., that is all they mean eg swimming, gymnastics

YANBU. There are some seriously mollycoddled idiots out there if they react that way to a pair of glasses. There are children out there with colostomy bags, kids who have to use wheelchairs or have a tube in their nose all the time. And even then, those children are still alive... Some people are so dumb they don't know they're alive.

DS has had glasses since he turned 1. We get the odd "are they real?" but mostly people just say how cute he is.

The only person who's ever felt / expressed sorrow for him is my DF who had similar vision issues when he was a child and really struggled with them, so was genuinely sad to see his grandson in the same situation.

Thanks so much, I will mention it to my health visitor.
Also, I think people are being VU to comment on your childs glasses. I looked cute in mine, and although I had laser eye surgery I did like wearing glasses. (I had laser eye surgery because I kept breaking/losing my glasses so it has probably worked out cheaper in the long run!)

Do you wear glasses OP? I do, as does 2yo dd and I wonder if people restrain themselves from being rude about glasses to an adult wearing glasses?

People either say she looks cute, her glasses a nice colour or ask how I knew she needed them.

Personally, I've always worn them and don't see them as a handicap or much of a responsibility, even for a small child. Put them on in the morning, off at bedtime, barely think about them in between. I think starting very young helps, as they don't seem alien or an extra thing to accommodate.

Routine visits to the orthoptist aren't a big deal. It's not like having a condition with an unpredictable outcome. I think there's some benefit in having a familiar, friendly experience of hospitals and health care specialists. I'm pleased our optician is very close by though, we visit a lot to straighten bent frames.

Swimming - as a child I swam without my glasses (and adored the diffused light effects I saw), then with glasses, now I have prescription goggles, they're approximate but brilliant. Dd swims without glasses.

There's no reason not to do any sport, there are sports bands, contacts later if she wants. Otherwise, the steaming up is an irritation but not a big deal.

I did have a moment of regretting that dd isn't 'perfect' and has this tiny burden but really, I'm much happier that she can see and has excellent eye care available. Also, she looks more like me - and now, like me, she looks incomplete without her glasses.

I am very very short sighted. So much so that the optician remarked off hand a few years ago that if there was no such thing as glasses then I would be legally blind.

I wear a combination of glasses and contact lenses. I can't have laser surgery as it isn't advised until your eyes have stopped deteriorating. My eyes have never stopped deteriorating. Also my eyes are so bad that laser may not work anyway.

I cannot function without visual aids. My clear vision is now only a few cm so less far than the focal point at the end of my nose. I have walked into furniture in the past. If I knock my glasses of the night table finding them is a challenge.

It's not all bad. We do live in a country with excellent eye care. And at my last Eye check the optician said that he was now completely confident that there will always be glasses to fix my eyes and that as long as my deterioration keeps at the current rate there are already good enough contacts to last me my lifetime. This is a great relief as until now it has felt like I've been playing chase with the science and hoping I don't catch it!

But it is more than a slight inconvenience. If something goes wrong with my visual aids then I can't function or even get home. I would even struggle to see my mobile well enough to call dh to pick me up. My glasses have very expensive super good "thinning" on them and are very small frames but are still about 1cm thick (and so heavy). If I didn't have £400 to spend on this thinning every year or so (as my prescription deteriorates) then they would be 3+ cm thick. I get money from the NHS for my glasses as my eyes are so bad - £17 per eye I think.

Generally I lead a normal life and I don't think of myself at all as disabled. But it is a bloody pain!

Dontunderstand1 yes, we were referred to the orthoptist by the HV at the 2 and a bit check up. I asked for it, on the grounds that I have a strong prescription so it seemed worth checking.

I hadn't thought there was any problem with dd's sight. She turns out to have quite a strong prescription herself. Children can correct quite a lot using their eye muscles (which doesn't help the eyes to develop properly). The only difference we noticed since is that she became a bit more wary of some climbing frames, perhaps with better depth perception. Wariness did not last though!

Everyone was very positive when my DD got hers aged 5...they all flattered her and admired them and asked if she was finding things easier now....I'm surprised people were so rude!

I knew as soon as I said glasses wearers have routine treatment for a predictable condition that someone would come along for whom that wasn't the case. Not for everyone obviously but for most, with smaller prescriptions, it's no big deal.

One more thing. Because I've always worn glasses or contacts I am used to having excellent vision. What amazes me is how poor the vision is of some people who don't wear glasses, how handicapped they allow themselves to be, either through lack of testing or vanity.

Those untested children of parents with weirdo ideas about 'looks', squinting and unable to read the board properly at school, are the ones I feel sorry for.

If someone was really rude to me about dd, that is what I'd tell them.

I've recently started wearing mine again (since replacing my broken frames), not only do I love them and it's nice to be able to see, I've noticed just how many people are wearing them! All the young trendy lasses in Topshop!

I think kids look sweet in them.

Why do people have to fill silences with such twattery?

Just someone mentioning swimming - I've worn glasses since I was a child and I always struggled to see in the pool and stopped swimming lengths once my eyesight got so bad I couldn't see where I was going. I've (30 odd years late) just got myself prescription goggles you can build to your prescription, they're amazing and under £30. They make such a difference, if my DS needs glasses which I think he will at some point, I'm going to be sure to get him goggles too.

OP - I do think it's a shame that people in general have to wear glasses at all and not have default perfect eyesight, but that's life, if you need glasses it's wonderful to get them and actually be able to see!

I have to say I agree with much of what others have said about the inconvenience though. OK it's not as bad as many other conditions, but I find wearing glasses a total pain, I'm lucky I can wear contact lenses, but even those aren't perfect (can't shower or swim in them for instance, try shaving your legs effectively blind). Without glasses or contact lenses I can't move around the house safely, can't read, can't do anything really (very strong prescription). In glasses I can't put on make up, style my hair, they steam up, get wet in the rain, they get in the way when exercising, get pulled off when you take your clothes on and off - none of it is serious, but it is something I would rather not have to live with. Would never say so in front of a child though.

YANBU, when DD1 got glasses at 2, well meaning people including DM said "and she used to be so pretty", all said in front of her. My standard response was that she is still pretty, she is very pretty in her glasses.

Some people have some funny ideas about glasses.

My ex-FIL (amongst many other tactless comments) used to continually tell me I was too young for glasses. At 23.

There have been threads here on MN with posters desperate to try all sorts to avoid the "stigma" of glasses for their children.

YANBU, obviously.

I'm sorry you've encountered such negative reactions. My dd started wearing glasses at age 2 as well and we've never had a negative comment about it. I was bullied mercilessly as a child for wearing glasses, and my reaction was just that I'm so glad times have changed!
Both my girls wear glasses now and my ds keeps trying to convince us he needs them too, he's so desperate to get some.

How strange and silly of people to react like that! I understand why you feel fed up about it. I would too. I bet your toddler looks absolutely wonderful!