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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say loud and proud that it's better for my kids that I don't work

999 replies

yetanotherchangename · 04/03/2015 12:39

There have been lots of threads about WOHM/SAHM at the moment, which frankly are beyond boring. HOWEVER on all of them I've seen SAHMs attacked (either for being naive, vacuous, lazy, money grabbing, downtrodden) etc., and I've seen a lot of SAHM explain why being at home is the only option for their family.

I've rarely if ever seen a SAHM openly say that it is a good thing for kids if they have a parent who doesn't work. I think we are too afraid of offending mothers who do work. Am I unreasonable to claim back some pride in what I am doing?

OP posts:
anothernumberone · 06/03/2015 16:57

Agggggghhhh, note to self, use proper grammar I certainly am proud, that comma is important.

AnnieThePianist · 06/03/2015 17:04

tiggyhop - not everything needs to be scientifically proven.

I feel pretty sure that dh and I are doing the best for our kids regarding working. I don't need a controlled experiment to prove it. I know us, know the dc and the opportunities they are able to have vs the alternative...that's enough.

RitaOrange · 06/03/2015 18:20

Its interesting that often the view is that once DC reach secondary age the SAHM goes out to Work and at least one previous SAHM poster has stated they now work FT.
It is the last point at which I would return to work FT - I WOH part time am so glad I am around for my teens more, its a really difficult age and saying that mine are quite easy !
The point is my staying in work means I have accrued salary, holiday etc and so now I can pick and choose my conditions.
Bugger WOH FT until I drop, I will retire early (over paid pension) Grin

Mixtape · 06/03/2015 18:26

Why is baking and cooking so...fetishised?! It's not an incredibly enriching life experience. It's just...making and eating food. Anyone who can follow instructions can do it.

RufusTheReindeer · 06/03/2015 18:30

rita-

I once had a friend who had a 17 and 16 year old (she was a WOHM at that time)

And a 3 and 2 year old (SAHM)

I always remember her saying that she felt the two oldest needed her more

adventuretime11 · 06/03/2015 18:31

Why is the op insulting professor especially when your family actually benefit or have a sahp anyway?

tiggyhop · 06/03/2015 18:36

Annie

there is a distinction between doing the best for your kids and what you are doing being better for your kids.

the op was provocative: it said 'i am proud that what I am doing is better for my kids'. My point was that the op cannot say that.

can she say 'I believe that I am doing my best for my kids' of course she can.

adventuretime11 · 06/03/2015 18:37

Athrawes most sahp don't depend on benefits. I for one don't even get child benefit. Plus we have insurance in place if dh were to have a stroke or die (thanks for that as a stroke destroyed my mums quality of life)

RitaOrange · 06/03/2015 18:38

Mix it is the stuff of life !
There are people who eat to live and the rest of us who live to eat Grin
I am obsessed with foo,cooking and read recipe books like novels. I am obsessed with the quality of my food - it is utter bliss to me to me,to cook .

True Rufus
aaargh exams- tricky time !

RitaOrange · 06/03/2015 18:40

Arrgh not obsessed with FOO , although actually FOOs are my favorite band !

Obsessed with food ,nothing makes me happier than cooking !

bigbluestars · 06/03/2015 18:42

I have a 15 yo and a 17 yo. I find the level of support they need is quite great atm- especially for lifts, study clubs, dance exams, etc. They are great kids but I couldn't imagine being able to do what I do for them and work for an employer full time.

RitaOrange · 06/03/2015 18:44

Me nor DH either - but that doesn't mean we are in NMW jobs ,we have careers and enjoy all the benefits.

AnnieThePianist · 06/03/2015 18:49

there is a distinction between doing the best for your kids and what you are doing being better for your kids

That is what I meant (just read back and it's not actually what I said - sorry).

I genuinely do feel that our set up, with two working parents is better for our dc. For all sorts of reasons.

I don't really get the whole wanting to shout it from the rooftops bit tbh.

But I genuinely do think we've made the 'better' choice, for us. Others obviously think that another option is the 'best' choice and no, we'd never prove it without a controlled experiment...but all this dancing around and 'oh we're all just doing the best we can malarkey for risk of giving offense is a bit wearing.

For anyone that has a choice of having a SAH parent or not - of course they'll feel that their choice is 'better' for their dc or else they'd not have made it.

adventuretime11 · 06/03/2015 18:55

O and dh wouldn't give up his sometimes stressful job if I went back to work.

MadameLeBean · 06/03/2015 18:55

WTF is Foo?

Only1scoop · 06/03/2015 18:56

Foo?

Fanfeckintastic · 06/03/2015 19:15

They are great kids but I couldn't imagine being able to do what I do for them and work for an employer full time

Do you think perhaps you resent that a little? I'm just trying to understand why, especially considering your children aren't far from adulthood, you always pop up on these topics to the point your name actually sticks out as someone who has in the past relentlessly berated other posters for daring to have different views to you. Are you nervous about returning to work? How would you feel if your own daughter grew up to have different beliefs as to how to raise her own children, do you think you could deal with that?

RitaOrange · 06/03/2015 19:18

" WTF is FOO"

haha Its what the Foo fighters fight !

It was a typo- I meant food !

RitaOrange · 06/03/2015 19:20

If anyone asks what/who are the FooFighters - I will shoot myself and them

bigbluestars · 06/03/2015 19:38

Fanfeckintastic- you ask such utterly bizarre questions.

Nervous about returning to work? FFs. And resenting what exactly? What is there to resent?

Fanfeckintastic · 06/03/2015 19:49

I'm just trying to understand why how other people choose to raise their young children bothers you so much when your own children are almost adults. I think that's what is bizarre.

Only1scoop · 06/03/2015 19:56

Big....I thought you had tinies!! Not young adults.

bigbluestars · 06/03/2015 19:56

It doesn't bother me in the slightest how other people raise their kids. Why do you think I am so concerned?
We are discussing the subject- I have no emotions about other's lives.
The fact that my kids are older does not mean that my views are invalid.

bigbluestars · 06/03/2015 19:58

My teenagers have told me they loved having me at home when they were small.

solidarityplease · 06/03/2015 20:05

Britain was a very very different place economically 15 years ago.

Utterly insane house prices are now often responsible for limiting people's choices when deciding whether they can afford to stay at home or not.