To say loud and proud that it's better for my kids that I don't work

[yetanotherchangename]

There have been lots of threads about WOHM/SAHM at the moment, which frankly are beyond boring. HOWEVER on all of them I've seen SAHMs attacked (either for being naive, vacuous, lazy, money grabbing, downtrodden) etc., and I've seen a lot of SAHM explain why being at home is the only option for their family.

I've rarely if ever seen a SAHM openly say that it is a good thing for kids if they have a parent who doesn't work. I think we are too afraid of offending mothers who do work. Am I unreasonable to claim back some pride in what I am doing?

What an insulting op. My husband stays at home to look after our dc and I work because it makes sense for us. Bore off. I hate to break it to you but you could be at home with your kid for 18 years and they still might turn out to be a massive dick. Nurture doesn't always trump nature.

who we are, what matters to us and what our finances dictate. These variables and how we view them are based on our circumstances, no one else's.
That's where it stops being the best for your kids and starts getting better for you too.

Why not say, in my opinion it's better for us that I stay at home. Better for the whole family. Not just the kids.

And a lot of people tend to wildly overplay their idea of "nurture", some of the most attachmenty parents I know are the very ones that think nothing of sticking their DC in front of the telly for hours on end, but once a month or so when they get a Mister Maker magazine they'll plaster their crafty creations all over Facebook and you'd think they lived in a beautiful little cuddling, crafty wonderland

Live and let live for fuck sake!

There is no "better" ... there is only "different" ...

Now let's all put on our Elsa dresses and Let It Go .....

Look, if you are a SAHM, you will stick by the view you have to work/its good for you/your kids and same for working parents eg I /DP was bored, didn't suit me/DP/ We need the money. etc. I've dome both and only read or defended stuff that backed our choice.

I can see benefits in both, and the cons too.
The choice we made was the appropriate for our family.
DS had his dad at home, because he stopped working due to social anxiety.
The original plan was for DS to go to nursery close to my work so I could just pop in.
There isn't one right choice, just one that is right for each family and that is chosen by each family.

This thread does nothing but add to the school of thought that a mother's place is in the wrong.

We are truly our own worst enemies.

Feckin- your statement "Live and let live for fuck sake" is wildly ironic.

You spent the paragraph before criticising a certain type of parent- you are not really practicing that idea.

You often find that on these threads.Seems that some like to proclaim their choice from the hills and why it was better for them but really don't like others doing the same if it differs from theirs.

It happens on ff/bf threads,grammar school/comp.........

why have them in the first place if you are going to palm them off on someone else oh please

the woman's place is in the wrong
^^this

Why are men who work full time 'hard working' but women 'selfish'? Why is it about sahm/ wohm not parent Depressing thread, feminism has a long way to go

My two pennies worth after 8 years of observing -

Optimum is Sahp who is happy and wants to do it.

Also optimum loving thoughtful parents who've sourced top quality childcare tailored to their child eg nanny share with great nanny or lovely nursery

Suboptimal Sahm who doesn't really want to / Sahm doesn't suit her skill set. Bored sad parent = unhappy dc lots of shouting and cbeebies

also not great are the find the nearest nursery and bung the baby there for 12 hour days brigade. Sorry but I was horrified to view my local nursery babies left in a windowless basement. Sent my toddler to a commercial nursery and stayed a few times. It was bad. Very very bad. Withdrew her pretty fast.

Or the lets granny to do it for free crowd. Hard to watch a frail 70 something wrangling enormous boisterous 18 month old twins as I saw at a toddler group

The 'let granny do it free' and then moan because granny gives them their nap half an hour later and dares to give them a sweet brigade.....

There's nothing wrong with gps looking after children as long as they want to do it. Mine are absolutely able to say no and they have dc once a week. And they aren't in their 70s (and I dint have 18 month twins).

I'd love not to work. I think it would be far better for my children to have me at home. I don't have a feckin' choice. My ex husband left, doesn't support the children and the alternative is benefits. I take total umbridge with these threads where half the people posting are labelling me as a piss poor parent because of the choices someone else made for us as a family. And I'd be pretty sure that the same people would have comments to be making about 'single parents on benefits' if I did what was best for my family (which is what these threads advocate, isn't it?) I'm doing the best I can, given the circumstances. Stoping fecking judging me.

I would have no problem at all with SAHMs if they would a) stop being so smug and self satisfied and rude in going on and on about how much better a parent they are, and b) if they were all able to do this without expecting me to pay them benefits and tax credits for their lifestyle choice. When their husband does die/leave them/have a stroke through over work, they will expect me to pay them benefits because they are unskilled and useless at anything other than taking kids to clubs, baking and making a nice home.

Athrawes- so you do in effect have a problem with SAHMs, despite your proviso.

fedupbutfine I think providing for your children is pretty high up in being a good parent.

Just why did the OP start a thread telling us how perfect her life is as a SAHM while prefacing it with "these SAHM/WOHM threads are so boring"???!!

OP, you are entitled to feel proud of whatever you choose. If you think your current set-up is best for your family, then that's great.

Personally, I would not make the same choices. My mum was a sahm and it certainly wasn't best for our family, as she became very depressed in our teenage years, and that was a difficult burden to carry.

I work FT. I am neither proud nor ashamed of that choice, but I am very happy with what I do, and it's definitely the best choice for our family.

Fedupbutfine....

Well said....I'm sure in your circumstances reading such shite would annoy me.

Maybe Op gets a little bored now and then and enjoys an evangelical moment.

I wish people would use the word "some"

It's the massive generalisation about both SAHM and WOHM that cause the massive problems on this type of threads

Ok you have met a smug up herself SAHM.....you haven't met all SAHM FFS!

We all do the best for ourselves and our families

althrawes

bigbluestars wasn't it you berating a poster for abandoning leaving Her 6 month old baby with his dad to have a weekend away with friends and banging on about how wild horses wouldn't drag you away from your baybees?
You just seem determined to make anymore who does things differently to you feel bad. Anyway, my 3 seem to have turned out OK despite all being dumped in childcare from 9 months old.

I have a rule of thumb; anyone who says all children thrive best like this, or all families are happiest like this are lacking intelligence, wise experience and imagination.

I remind myself that such people can't help it!