Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go to the other wedding?

87 replies

Luxme · 04/03/2015 11:50

My BIL is getting married just before christmas. My university friend is getting married the same day. BIL hasn't asked DD to be a bridesmaid but my friend has....AIBU to go to my friends wedding with DD and let DH go on his own to his brothers?

OP posts:
Original poster
Luxme · 04/03/2015 11:51

I would really love to give DD the experience and pleasure of being a bridesmaid!

OP posts:
Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 04/03/2015 11:53

If you have already accepted the invitation for your BILs then you have to go.

And be honest, it isn't about your DD, it's about you getting to go 'awww' and take photos of her in a pretty dress.

CheeseToastie123 · 04/03/2015 11:53

Who invited you first?

fredfredgeorgejnr · 04/03/2015 11:54

Go to whichever wedding you want to...

fredfredgeorgejnr · 04/03/2015 11:54

(and it's 8 months away, even if you've accepted, you can decline)

Original poster
Luxme · 04/03/2015 11:55

None of the invites have come out yet!

I still have fond memories of being a bridesmaid when i was that age!

OP posts:
WizardOfToss · 04/03/2015 11:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DecaffTastesWeird · 04/03/2015 11:56

YANBU at all! Would 100% go to friend's wedding they're usually more fun than family weddings anyway

WizardOfToss · 04/03/2015 11:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Goldmandra · 04/03/2015 11:58

Who cares if you'll enjoy seeing your DD being a bridesmaid? That's a valid reason for your choice.

YWNBU to suggest that your DH attends one while you and your DD attend the other. Both are weddings of significant people in your lives and you haven't accept any invitations yet.

MaidOfStars · 04/03/2015 11:59

AIBU to go to my friends wedding with DD and let DH go on his own to his brothers?

Given that neither of you has accepted any invitation yet, I think this is OK. However, while your BIL might be cool with you not attending, will he be upset that his niece isn't?

Samcro · 04/03/2015 12:00

BIL trumps friend as family

Scotchmincepie · 04/03/2015 12:01

YANBU - husband to BIL and you to friends. Sounds like a great solution.

Original poster
Luxme · 04/03/2015 12:03

We aren't especially close tbh and I do care more about my DD's feelings than him obviously!

OP posts:
BackforGood · 04/03/2015 12:03

I too would say BiL's would take priority as he is close family - it's not like it's a cousin or long lost Aunt, this is your dh's brother.
As long as he hasn't suddenly announced it with little notice, after your dd has been for fittings etc, then his has to take priority.

CrystalCove · 04/03/2015 12:05

Samcro, why should family "trump" friends automatically?

Original poster
Luxme · 04/03/2015 12:05

I totally get that family is priority, but we haven't been very close. In contrast, I lived with this friend for 6 years!

OP posts:
Original poster
Luxme · 04/03/2015 12:06

crystal cove- i totally agree, DH's family haven't helped him in his hour of need and are fragmented and dysfunctional.

OP posts:
StayGoldPonyBoy · 04/03/2015 12:06

How close are you to BIL? Would he particularly miss you?

I think this matters, I'm really close to my SIL and DH is close to my siblings, but we aren't close to his brother at all.

We'd pick the friend. And since DH is going who is the more 'important' of the two of you, it's not like you've totally snubbed him.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 04/03/2015 12:07

The invitations may not have come out, but which one told you the date first? If you had already verbally agreed the bridesmaid one when you found out about the BIL one then one of you going to each is a good compromise. If OTOH you had already discussed the BIL one and not given them any reason to think you can't go, then that should take priority, especially as it's a family event.

How old is your DD? Mine was a BM aged 7 for my friend and only knew one of the other 6 bridesmaids and none of the bride and grooms extended families, so she hardly knew anyone at the wedding, she was fine with it and liked her dress and shoes, but it wasn't that big a deal to her.

ChipDip · 04/03/2015 12:07

I think your DH needs to decide on this. It's really not about your dd being a bridesmaid. Would your DH be ok with your dd not being at his brothers wedding. I also think bil trumps friend.

StayGoldPonyBoy · 04/03/2015 12:08

X-posts!

Original poster
Luxme · 04/03/2015 12:09

He has seen DD twice in the past year....

BIL hasn't told us the date yet, we only know through my FIL.

Sorry Chipdip but my DD's feelings were much more important to me than BILs

OP posts:
Hippee · 04/03/2015 12:10

I was always sad that I didn't get to be a bridesmaid at my godmother's wedding when I was little - even 30 years later I remembered what it felt like, so I said that any little girl who came to mine could be a bridesmaid (ended up with seven). Is there any chance that BIL will ask your daughter to be a bridesmaid nearer the time? I'd want to go to the friend's wedding - would your husband be okay with that?

ZingNinjaRoll · 04/03/2015 12:11

i would do exactly what you suggested OP

DH goes to BIL's, you go to friends. your family is represented at both weddings, nobody can say that you don't care, or choose one over the other!
unfortunate coincidences happen, you want to make the best of the situation.

and oohing over your DD looking lovely and giving her a sweet memory are totally valid reasons to go to friend's wedding. after all it was an honour for her to be chosen, why shouldn't she do it?

good luck, you sound very reasonable

Swipe left for the next trending thread