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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go to the other wedding?

87 replies

Luxme · 04/03/2015 11:50

My BIL is getting married just before christmas. My university friend is getting married the same day. BIL hasn't asked DD to be a bridesmaid but my friend has....AIBU to go to my friends wedding with DD and let DH go on his own to his brothers?

OP posts:
ZingNinjaRoll · 04/03/2015 12:36

There's your answer then Lux

gavel?

PintofCiderPlease · 04/03/2015 12:42

I love my friend more!

There's your answer!!!!

Although do be prepared for a falling out over it.

ZingNinjaRoll · 04/03/2015 12:46

I don't think a falling out is necessary. MrLux will attend his brother's wedding to show his love and support on behalf of Lux & LuxGirl.
really, that's fine!

LovesYoungDream · 04/03/2015 12:48

Having admitted that even if your bil asked your dd to be bridesmaid, it wouldn't sway your decision about attending your friend's wedding, would suggest that you have already decided to go to your friend's wedding regardless. it's not mn you need to convince, its your DH and your ILS.

Original poster
Luxme · 04/03/2015 12:52

I actually said I don't know whether i would go to BILs instead if DD was a bridesmaid. Its not something i am thinking about as i know she's already chosen the rest of her family to be bridesmaids.

OP posts:
NeedABumChange · 04/03/2015 12:53

You have clearly already decided to go your friends wedding. Guessing this thread was just to ease the guilt when everyone agreed with you?

This should be your DHs decision as it's his family.

TopTheTeapotUp · 04/03/2015 12:55

I don't believe in this blood is thicker than water bollocks. You love your friend are obviously close so absolutely the friends wedding.

AuntieDee · 04/03/2015 12:55

If you go to your friend's over your BILs expect a family feud...

GroundhogGirl · 04/03/2015 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ajandjjmum · 04/03/2015 12:57

Go to your friend's wedding and enjoy it. If the timing and logistics allow, perhaps go to the Church to see BIL get married, and leave it at that.

ajandjjmum · 04/03/2015 12:57

And you can say that you've already accepted your friend's invitation, and couldn't possibly refuse now because that would be so rude!

Icimoi · 04/03/2015 12:59

If your DD has already been asked to be a bridesmaid and you've agreed, and you haven't officially been given the date to BiL's wedding, then it seems to me that your prior commitment to your friend must come first.

LovesYoungDream · 04/03/2015 13:02

Have you told your dh and il's that you plan to snub bils wedding go to your friend's wedding instead? If so, what was their reaction?

Shesparkles · 04/03/2015 13:02

I love my friend more!

This!

Ask yourself who'd drop everything to help you in a crisis, and there's your answer. My money's on it being your friend.
Experience has taught me that family, and especially inlaws, are only accidental relationships, you generally have maybe grandparents in common, or you happen to be married to a person's brother or sister. This doesnt really mean much in a day to day sense.

There's the expression "friends are the family you choose for yourself"

ChipDip · 04/03/2015 13:05

YY Needsabumchange

It's clear the op had decided to go to her friends wedding, where her dd was only asked to be a BB after she complained about not being asked by sil. She hasn't answered about what her DH has suggested to do. I would think as it's his family wedding he should be deciding.

CarlaVeloso · 04/03/2015 13:07

It's pretty clear what you want to do.

So do it.

caryam · 04/03/2015 13:09

I don't agree that family always trumps friends. My friends have supported me at times when my family has been absent.

CarlaVeloso · 04/03/2015 13:10

Personally I think it's pathetic to even consider the bridesmaid thing as a factor in your decision. She's a child. These are weddings, for grown-ups, not occasions for little princesses to dress up and be the star of the show.

That's the bride's job Wink

I do think that family comes first in these "dilemmas" unless you are all particularly dysfunctional.

A very close friend of mine didn't come to our wedding because she had her SIL's wedding on the same day. I was really disappointed but never once considered she'd do anything else.

letscookbreakfast · 04/03/2015 13:11

It's up to your SIL who she has as bridesmaids, what does your husband think? It seems like you have already decided regardless.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 04/03/2015 13:17

You still haven't told us how old your DD is? If she's say, under 5, she's probably not going to really understand anyway and she can dress up beautifully and be made a fuss of at either wedding.

ajandjjmum · 04/03/2015 13:21

Of course the bridesmaid thing counts Carla - most young girls would love to be a bridesmaid, and why not. No-one has mentioned her being the star of the show.

caryam · 04/03/2015 13:29

You love your friend, of course you want to be at her wedding. Your partner can go to your BIL's wedding. I think that is fine.
And Carla, I don't think your family has to be dysfunctional to choose friends over more distant family members, it simply means you have close friendships that you actively value.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 04/03/2015 13:50

Reading back, could two weddings in one day could be feasible? Maybe go to the daytime part of the friend's wedding then the evening part of BILs wedding? I did that once, although there was no evening part to the first wedding, which I was a BM at (I changed dresses before heading to the second one). Again, depends how old your DD is I suppose, if she's fairly young that might be a bit later for her. Is she very excited about being a BM?

Original poster
Luxme · 04/03/2015 14:13

I think I said earlier on that my DD is 3.

DH and I have agreed (him reluctantly) that I'm going to to go my friends wedding and he's going to go to his brothers. Its where DD goes thats now the challenge.

Its hard for me to say if DH's family are dysfunctional or not. Mine are very close and see each other all the time, so I've only really got my own to compare them to. We see DH's family maybe twice a year, if that?

OP posts:
Kvetch15 · 04/03/2015 14:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.