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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Me or dp at fault over childcare cock up? Who should have to take the time off?

101 replies

attheendoftheday · 04/03/2015 07:42

So, dp and I have made a cock up with our childcare and one of us is going to have to take time off work, dp thinks it's my fault and I think it's his.

I am a nurse and dp is self employed. We have a calendar on the wall on which everything is booked. Dp text me (while I was at work and he was at home). Saying "Can you pick the kids up on x date. You are on an early shift. I have a meeting in London." I replied "No problem."

So, x date is Friday. I am not on an early shift, I'm on a late shift, so I can't pick up the children. Dp thinks it is not his responsibility to know my shifts, I think he led me to believe he checked the calendar.

One of us is going to have to take time off. Dp thinks his work takes presidence because he's booked a meeting. I think it's his turn as I've taken the last two times the kids were ill off as he always has "unmissable" things going on, and my ward's already short that shift.

Mumsnet verdict, who's fault is it and who should take the time off?

OP posts:
NotTheKitchenAgainPlease · 04/03/2015 07:43

He should without question

LaurieFairyCake · 04/03/2015 07:44

His fault. He said the words 'YOU are on an early shift' - this implies he KNOWS that rather than trying to string you up.

Twat.

caravanista13 · 04/03/2015 07:46

He should. It seems like you've got a good system in place with the calendar and he shouldn't be arranging meetings at times when you can't do the childcare.

JsOtherHalf · 04/03/2015 07:46

Do you have the original text still? Because if that was the exact wording, then I think that it is his error.
Either way, he only has one meeting that can be easily rearranged surely? Whereas you have a lot more people depending on you.

TheMoa · 04/03/2015 07:46

His fault, and I'd be irritated at being misled.

As for who takes time off, I'd say he should. Unless missing/rescheduling the meeting will result in the loss of hundreds of thousands of pounds, or years of future work or something.

nevergooglebrandybutter · 04/03/2015 07:48

his fault.

and tell him you're going away next weekWink

SweetValentine · 04/03/2015 07:49

He should rearrange his work.

CrazyHorse · 04/03/2015 07:49

He is in the wrong.

CrazyHorse · 04/03/2015 07:50

If is meeting is that important he will find childcare from somewhere.

Kerberos · 04/03/2015 07:51

Agree. This is his error.

CaulkheadUpNorth · 04/03/2015 07:53

His fault, but, I think it should be whoever can get the time off more easily. If his meeting involves eight other people, then rearranging diaries and getting another meetings will be tough, and he may have booked train tickets already (if that sort of thing applies).

I understand that you are a nurse and he is self employed, but I think it's a bit more complicated when you look at Taking Time Off.

He is still in the wrong though! Wink

WaxOnWaxOff · 04/03/2015 07:54

His fault, he needs to sort childcare.

I can't understand why he told you that you were on an early though? Was he looking at the wrong date on the calendar or did he pluck it out of thin air?

HolgerDanske · 04/03/2015 07:55

His error. He takes the children.

Even if it wasn't his error, I'd say that as you have taken time off twice, it's his turn in interest of fairness. You are BOTH parents and the children are your shared responsibility. Additionally, he works from home so the effects of his taking time off will not have the same disadvantages as yours.

I'm really quite surprised he's arguing about this, if I'm honest.

HolgerDanske · 04/03/2015 07:58

Ok fair enough if his meeting involves quite a few people that will need to reschedule then yes, I agree, you might need to cover it this time. But only if it's completely unreasonable to expect everyone to reschedule. Otherwise your work as a nurse and the relevant rotas should definitely take precedence. And he'd better really appreciate it if you take up his slack this time.

Littlef00t · 04/03/2015 07:58

Any chance of childminder or babysitter, helpful school friend etc willing to help so no one has to let work down?

TheChickenSituation · 04/03/2015 08:04

His error. But I can well imagine showing him this thread won't help. He will expect us to side with you, regardless.

Of course it's his error, though. And even if it wasn't... you covered the last two times the DC were ill, so he needs to step up now.

Original poster
attheendoftheday · 04/03/2015 08:04

I was hoping I was in the right!

Have shown dp this thread, and he thinks I have missed out some info (I didn't intend to drip feed!)

Due to me working over my hours a lot I have accrued a lot of time owed to me by work. So me taking the time off will have no financial implication. A lot of the time I work late I can do so because dp collects the kids and puts them to bed.

Also, my manager is lovely and would almost certainly authorise the time, even though the ward is short.

Dp also points out that it isn't clear in my op that he does generally do half the childcare, and has taken time off for sick kids in the past (I've just done the last 2 times).

OP posts:
MaCosta · 04/03/2015 08:04

I don't think its as simple as who sent the text. Its a mistake (clearly he wouldn't have done it on purpose) so you ow have to decide whose job is more important on that day. Are you the stable income where it is vitally important as a family that you don't lose your job or is he the big money earner and missing the meeting will cost your family thousands.

This is how we resolve things like that. My meeting would come first because I earn a lot more than DH and am self employed so if I p off a client then they will go elsewhere. The rest of the time I have more flexibility and DH's income is stable and a security blanket for us and so I tend to do the juggling when I don't have a client meeting.

In your scenario the meeting in London would take precedence. However we are both lawyers and so understand that a client meeting trumps everything.

Otherwise I'd get a babysitter.

cathpip · 04/03/2015 08:05

Assuming that your shifts are in the diary and seeing as he was at home whilst he text you, it's his fault. He's tried to pull a fast one on you knowing that you will probably give in anyway when he has realised that he has booked a meeting when he's on child care duty.....

MaCosta · 04/03/2015 08:05

With your update you definitely need to take the time off.

addictedtosugar · 04/03/2015 08:06

Agree, any chance of getting a friend to take them home for a couple of hours? I know a friend who when her parents evenings (shes a teacher) etc coincide with DH's late shift, I bring all the kids back here for a couple of hours. I guess it depends on how late he will be back from London tho?

Ohfourfoxache · 04/03/2015 08:06

His error, it's up to him to sort it.

And it is far, far easier to rearrange meetings than it is to rearrange a shift on a ward.

Haggisfish · 04/03/2015 08:08

That does change it. I think he should grovel but in this occasion you should take the time off.

MidniteScribbler · 04/03/2015 08:12

Just hire a babysitter.

FinallyHere · 04/03/2015 08:12

I'm strongly with cathpip on this one. He deserves an additional thwack for not checking the calendar before phoning you to check.

Why wouldn't anyone check the calendar, exactly so as to avoid this type of mistake. V V U indeed.