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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Me or dp at fault over childcare cock up? Who should have to take the time off?

101 replies

attheendoftheday · 04/03/2015 07:42

So, dp and I have made a cock up with our childcare and one of us is going to have to take time off work, dp thinks it's my fault and I think it's his.

I am a nurse and dp is self employed. We have a calendar on the wall on which everything is booked. Dp text me (while I was at work and he was at home). Saying "Can you pick the kids up on x date. You are on an early shift. I have a meeting in London." I replied "No problem."

So, x date is Friday. I am not on an early shift, I'm on a late shift, so I can't pick up the children. Dp thinks it is not his responsibility to know my shifts, I think he led me to believe he checked the calendar.

One of us is going to have to take time off. Dp thinks his work takes presidence because he's booked a meeting. I think it's his turn as I've taken the last two times the kids were ill off as he always has "unmissable" things going on, and my ward's already short that shift.

Mumsnet verdict, who's fault is it and who should take the time off?

OP posts:
TeWiSavesTheDay · 04/03/2015 08:13

it's still his mistake and he should take the time off.

NotJustaPotforSoup · 04/03/2015 08:14

He set you up. Has he admitted that?

Lariflete · 04/03/2015 08:14

Are you able to book a babysitter so that neither of you has to take time off? Because his meeting is important but it's not really fair on your colleagues or your patients to leave a hospital ward short (shorter).

WaxOnWaxOff · 04/03/2015 08:15

OK after your dripfeed I think you should, on this occasion, take the time off.

Why did he tell you that I you were on an early shift though?

HappyRacer · 04/03/2015 08:16

On the face of it, DP should take the time off. He's been a twat who led you to believe he'd checked the calendar as he should have done before texting you.

Practically speaking it makes sense for the person who will lose the least income to take the time off. If that's you, it's you (and it sounds like it is). If the ward is short staffed that's a management problem, not yours. The management would fnd a way to deal with it if you'd an attack of D&V and couldn't get to work that day so finding a way to deal with a day off with notice is entirely possible too.

In your position I'd be making it clear to DH that he owed me a day off and he won't find me accommodating if he pulls the same stunt again.

MaCosta · 04/03/2015 08:17

Oh come off it with the man hating. He "set her up"?! Don't be ridiculous. Why one earth would he do that knowing it will then cause problems? Hmm. Far more likely that he just glanced at the calendar, read it incorrectly and made a mistake.

OP has time she can take, her DH is usually good with childcare, pulls his weight and it sounds like they can rely on each other to work together as a family. Mistakes happen, not everything is about the oppression of women you know.

letscookbreakfast · 04/03/2015 08:20

Has the OP said that her DP deliberately mislead her? If not then the name calling is uncalled for.

After the dripfeed I think that it's easier if the OP takes the time off.

NakedFamilyFightClub · 04/03/2015 08:29

His mistake, he told you you had an early shift, he should take the time off. The update doesn't change that.

How long is his meeting? Aren't there websites for hiring babysitters that would solve the problem for both of you?

ScaryChicken · 04/03/2015 08:30

Aw, I feel sorry for your dp for reading all this abuse on mn..

He is still in the wrong though!

As previous posters have said though, unless you operate your relationship on a tit for tat basis (which it doesn't sound as if you do) then whoever can more easily arrange it should take the time off (or get a babysitter). Your dp should then cook you your favourite dinner/give you a massage and generally grovel for your forgiveness Wink

NotTheKitchenAgainPlease · 04/03/2015 08:30

You should take the time off then. If it's not a problem. I take back my first post Grin

differentnameforthis · 04/03/2015 08:30

Didn't it occur to you to check the date before you said OK?

I don't see how this is all his fault, to be fair.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 04/03/2015 08:30

Well it's his error so if he wants you to cover it for him he needs to ask you very nicely to do it as a favour to him. It's certainly not your problem to sort out.

Blu · 04/03/2015 08:34

"It's a management problem"? As an employer I would be very Hmm at a member of staff who frequently cancelled shifts at short notice due to flaky childcare issues and said the ensuing staff shortage was 'not their problem'.

However, I am in a two-f/t-woh-patent family, and know these things happen all too easily . He really should have checked properly , you will know never to agree anything without doing your own check again, and on this occasion I would beg or pay for some emergency childcare.
Work out how problems happen, agree whatever solution and move on. When juggling , balls get dropped sometimes .

differentnameforthis · 04/03/2015 08:35

Oh come off it with the man hating. He "set her up"?! Don't be ridiculous. YY!! Overreaction or what!

Some men just get it wrong, they don't all have the mindset that we "need telling, put in our place, setting up" etc.

I still think the op should have checked before she she said no problem. Regardless of whether or not her dh 'checked' the calender.

PumpkinPie2013 · 04/03/2015 08:35

Could you swap shifts with another staff member so that you do the early and they do the late?

IAmAPaleontologist · 04/03/2015 08:36

He stuffed up so he is in the wrong. However, now it is done it is still more practical for you to take the time off though I'd hope he has learned to check the calendar more carefully!

We're the same as you, wall planner, my shifts, dh's days he has to work away, childcare. everything is on there. If dh asks me something about work or childcare my stock response is "what does the wall planner say? " before i engage in any discussion!

Staywithme · 04/03/2015 08:44

Hold on OP. It doesn't matter if you have time owed. You agreed to work a shift and you can't simply say, oh well the ward owes me hours. That's not going to make your co-workers any happier or the patients that rely on you. The ward will still end up short staffed.
Op's husband. Did you check the planner or not? If you dud, then YOU made the mistake and if you didn't then you tricked your wife. Not a good thing to do. If it's either then it's your fault. Do you have any idea the hassle it causes when a ward is short staffed and OP your workmates will start to resent you if you have the attitude "it doesn't matter as much because the ward owes me time".

ScrambledSmegs · 04/03/2015 08:48

His fuckup, he fixes it.

Of course he could do this by grovelling to you and you graciously helping just this once, but I actually don't think your update changes anything. If he does equal amounts of childcare he should know that passing the buck is not on.

MinceSpy · 04/03/2015 08:51

Dp misled you knowing you had toil you could use.

diddl · 04/03/2015 08:53

Did he just say that you were on early or did he misread?

If it was a genuine error & it would be easier for you to take the time in this instance, then I don't see why you shouldn't.

He should at the least apologise for his mistake though!

Nolim · 04/03/2015 08:56

Make a plan to avoid this in the future.

If you can take time off then do so and he owes you a few girls night out since he didnt check the calendar.

Morelikeguidelines · 04/03/2015 08:58

His error.

Is there any possibility of hiring a babysitter or asking a friend/relative?

I would feel badly about cancelling on basis that boss is lovely.

He needs to admit it was his fault but try to find a solution with you. I understand his meeting is important but he did cock up.

TwoOddSocks · 04/03/2015 09:15

YANBU He basically lied about your shift then expects you to take responsibility? Did he do that on purpose expecting you to miss work when you found our? Put your foot down!

DecaffTastesWeird · 04/03/2015 09:24

His fault! Shouldn't have said "you are on an early shift" if he didn't know. Ask him if he would speak with such confidence at work if he didn't actually know what he was talking about.

Pedallleur · 04/03/2015 09:25

easy enough to look in sent box on the phone if the message hasn't been deleted. If you have smart phones why not sync calendars or enter shifts/meetings into phones copying the other phone in. Then the dates are in there