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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really fucked off with MIL?

84 replies

WasabiPeace · 03/03/2015 07:49

I know, I know. Another Mil one. We get along fine for the vast majority of the time.

She's just called me and caught me on the hop. They're booking tickets for Harry Potter and wanted to know if DH would like to go. I said I wasn't sure as it's something we talked about all doing together (three HP mad children and we're all fans). She asked if she should ring him later and I said just to ring him at work, that he'd probably go with them and then we can go another time.

Oh good, she said. I'll ask him. Oh. It's on his birthday, you don't have any plans do you?

His birthday is in August. It's his 40th. We don't have any plans YET. So I said that and she said, great! I'll give him a call.

And now I can't get hold of him. So he'll say yes because she'll say i said it's fine. And my husband will spend his 40th with his parents and brother instead of his wife and children.

Aibu?

OP posts:
flanjabelle · 03/03/2015 07:51

Yanbu, but I think you should have said that although you dont have plans yet, you would like to do something special with him and ask if they could go another day.

stolemyusername · 03/03/2015 07:52

Can't you and the children go along too?

Janethegirl · 03/03/2015 07:52

HP in August will be hell. YANBU

ahbollocks · 03/03/2015 07:52

That is utterly bizarre

londonrach · 03/03/2015 07:54

Dont understand is mil buying tickets for all of you or just her children. Seems abit strange. How old are your children? Cant you all go?

Janethegirl · 03/03/2015 07:54

I assumed all of you including the children would be going, but if the invite is just for your dh I would be even more pissed off. Tell her no fucking way.

ChipDip · 03/03/2015 07:54

Yanbu, totally disrespectful and dismissive of you and your dc. Wouldn't your DH check with you though before confirming with her. Actually she sounds a bit nasty excluding all of you on a very significant birthday.

Marshy · 03/03/2015 07:55

That is a bit odd. Won't the dc be disappointed that dad is off to HP and they're not?

Can't you all go?

FenellaFellorick · 03/03/2015 07:55

Why didn't you say oh, hang on. His birthday? No, we will be doing something together on his birthday. Don't buy the tickets for his birthday.

MangoBiscuit · 03/03/2015 07:56

Sorry, but I think YABabitU. You could have said "we don't have plans yet, but we will definitely want to do something as a family on his actual birthday." If you've told her it's ok, how is she to know it isn't?

That said, not inviting you and your DCs too when she knows it something you all really want to do is a bit mean.

Goldmandra · 03/03/2015 07:58

Phone her back, clarify what she intends and then say that, although you have no concrete plans as yet, you would like to spend your DH's 40th birthday with him so please could she arrange HP for another time.

Original poster
WasabiPeace · 03/03/2015 07:58

She was very clear that this was just DH.

I've just spoken to him; he said no. He said he was a bit surprised I'd said yes. I said I didn't say yes, I'd just said it's his decision.

I am pretty angry with her and I don't know if it's just thoughtless or a bit spiteful.

OP posts:
BiancaDelRio · 03/03/2015 07:58

I don't understand how people let themselves be stepped on like this.

MIL: I'm going to book tickets for Harry Potter on DH's birthday but you and your DC aren't invited.

You: No MIL that doesn't suit. I've already started making plans for that day. You'll have to arrange for another time.

It really is that easy.

Original poster
WasabiPeace · 03/03/2015 08:00

The reason I didn't say a flat no is because I'm not his keeper and I'd feel really uncomfortable about forbidding it or fibbing about plans.

OP posts:
Original poster
WasabiPeace · 03/03/2015 08:01

Bianca. If she'd put it like that is have said no. Bit she didn't, she asked if he'd like to go and I said he probably would (while thinking what about the rest of us) and then just dropped in the birthday stuff. We were just about to leave for the school run and I was totally railroaded.

OP posts:
DeliciousMonster · 03/03/2015 08:02

Why would you ask one person if someone else would like to do something? I think it was a deliberate attempt to manipulate you.

Nice.

Has she got form for this?

ChipDip · 03/03/2015 08:03

Actually she sounds very spiteful especially knowing that there's dc who would probably enjoy it too!
Good that your DH has told her no as well.

Inertia · 03/03/2015 08:06

Pretty mean of her to leave out you and DC.

Lesson learned though - next time just tell her that you are still making plans so she shouldn't book anything until you and Dh have confirmed what you are doing. Luckily your DH has said no, so problem avoided this time.

DH and I are not one another's keepers, but we still confirm plans within our family unit before considering anything else.

Original poster
WasabiPeace · 03/03/2015 08:07

I think she did it this way so she could say to him I'd already said yes. Otherwise the first thing he'd say is he'd have to check with me.

OP posts:
LineRunner · 03/03/2015 08:08

They want to take their 40 year old to a Harry Potter theme park for his birthday?

Does your husband find this odd, too? Your FIL?

ChipDip · 03/03/2015 08:08

Then she's just shown you how manipulative she is. Has she got form for this.

Marshy · 03/03/2015 08:10

Perhaps she was booking tickets and just got a bit carried away with herself without thinking it through?

I can understand how you would have felt railroaded. Good on dh though eh? Maybe he needs to have a quiet word with her at some point to say that obviously he wouldn't want to do something like that without you and the dc.

diddl · 03/03/2015 08:10

Way OTT reaction, I think.

She asked him if he'd like to do something on his birthday with her & his siblings & he declined.

You could have said now that you were already doing something or as it's his birthday count you all in as well.

If you usually get on, just put it down to thoughtlessness & move on.

DrEllieSattler · 03/03/2015 08:11

Of course your DH was surprised you said yes. You are surprised and cross that you said yes and then regretted how you handled the conversation and so tried to blame it on your mil for asking.

Fortunately your DH said no. Learn from this and move on.

Floggingmolly · 03/03/2015 08:12

How bizarre; that your kids could have potentially waved their Dad off to a Harry Potter extravaganza that they're not welcome to join in, and to be told it's his birthday treat. Some people are most odd.