To be really fucked off with MIL?

[WasabiPeace]

I know, I know. Another Mil one. We get along fine for the vast majority of the time.

She's just called me and caught me on the hop. They're booking tickets for Harry Potter and wanted to know if DH would like to go. I said I wasn't sure as it's something we talked about all doing together (three HP mad children and we're all fans). She asked if she should ring him later and I said just to ring him at work, that he'd probably go with them and then we can go another time.

Oh good, she said. I'll ask him. Oh. It's on his birthday, you don't have any plans do you?

His birthday is in August. It's his 40th. We don't have any plans YET. So I said that and she said, great! I'll give him a call.

And now I can't get hold of him. So he'll say yes because she'll say i said it's fine. And my husband will spend his 40th with his parents and brother instead of his wife and children.

Aibu?

I was a bit passive but honestly it was 7.30am, I had a wailing toddler and two lazy arsed preteens to cajole, as well as getting ready for work myself, and it was all a bit frantic. It was a three minute conversation and I got off the phone and went, 'what the hell just happened'.

Also, this is something I knew he'd like, it was just the fact it's on his birthday that fucked me off, and so there's no way I'd have said a flat no without offering him the option to answer. I was totally baffled as to why she was asking ME. If she'd have just said, 'do you have any plans for his birthday because we're booking HP and wondered if he'd like to come' I'd have been a lot clearer about it not being a convenient date. But because she went the other way round I was put on the spot.

And I did say very clearly that we didn't have plans yet but that we would. And then said, 'you need to ask him, really, not me'.

I'm not usually so wet, honest.

I am super fucked off about the lie she told DH about it being the next available date. It makes me think she just wanted both sons to join her on a day out on their 40th (twins) without their wives and children.

i think you come out of this well
she brought a fight to you, and you won, without even fighting back
she manipulated a weird 'can he come out' situation
and you said - well hes an adult, he makes his own decisions (not being the bad guy)
she went to manipulate your husband (Wasabi says yes, spend the day with ME) and it backfired because your husbands loyalties lie in the right place and instead of bending over backwards to please her he said 'WTF, why would I want to do that instead of spending time with my family?'

now of course the 40th birthday is out in the open and she cant make another play to occupy it as her cards are all visible and she would look like an utter loon if she tried again....plus she looks like an utter loon anyway if you point out the booking issues are a bit odd and are clearly crap
so you and your husband can discuss and make lovely plans for his 40th
and are both wise to her manipulations for the next time....

I'd be equally annoyed about the fact that she phoned at 7.30am!! WTF?!

7.30am ?Sorry, I missed that. If anyone called me at that hour, it had better be an emergency! You are a far nicer person than me OP, my reaction to such a call, at such a time, would have been along the lines of 'Seriously? You want to talk to me about this trivia now?' and may have been accompanied by expletives.

If she has form for this, you need to have a reliable way of dealing with it. Maybe as soon as she starts in, just say 'sorry, can't talk about this now, in a rush, I'll call you back.' That gives you time to decide how to deal with this specific bollocks she's serving up to you.

And you are right to be fucked off with her lying. Just confirms that she's spiteful rather than thoughtless though, doesn't it?

Whilst my MIL is lovely she does have form for manipulating the situation and we have been snookered a couple of times. As a result I don't answer certain questions straight away. If it something like, 'Are you busy on.....' Or 'do you have any plans...' I am always vague and say 'I'm not sure we might be doing x or seeing y.' I try to find out a bit more about it before answering sometimes even blaming the kids and I need to sort them out and will call back later. We can then decide in our own time what we what to do. If she tries to catch me on the hop I say that I can't talk now and will call back later.

Be aware for next time. She sounds quite manipulative.

Wasabi, call your MIL, be lovely!

"I've just seen that there's loads of availability for HP land this weekend (insert convenient time) so why don't we all go? That way you still get to enjoy the experience with Your DS and buy him an ice cream/butter beer and you get to enjoy it with your grand children too"

7.30am is really rude, I can see why you were distracted. Glad your DH was on the ball.

I am baffled by her only wanting to take DH? Why would she exclude and you and her grandchildren? On any day if your DCs love HP too.

i think you would be better off saying what you mean instead of what you think you should say.

you could have said of course if dh wants to go that is up to him but the kids and i would be upset to not spend his birthday with him especially as it is a big one