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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really fucked off with MIL?

84 replies

WasabiPeace · 03/03/2015 07:49

I know, I know. Another Mil one. We get along fine for the vast majority of the time.

She's just called me and caught me on the hop. They're booking tickets for Harry Potter and wanted to know if DH would like to go. I said I wasn't sure as it's something we talked about all doing together (three HP mad children and we're all fans). She asked if she should ring him later and I said just to ring him at work, that he'd probably go with them and then we can go another time.

Oh good, she said. I'll ask him. Oh. It's on his birthday, you don't have any plans do you?

His birthday is in August. It's his 40th. We don't have any plans YET. So I said that and she said, great! I'll give him a call.

And now I can't get hold of him. So he'll say yes because she'll say i said it's fine. And my husband will spend his 40th with his parents and brother instead of his wife and children.

Aibu?

OP posts:
dancestomyowntune · 03/03/2015 08:13

Good on your husband for saying no!

xvxvxvxvxvxvxvxv · 03/03/2015 08:14

Yanbu
And I also find it odd that someone would want to take their son to a child's theme park on their 40th without their children.

AJNH · 03/03/2015 08:15

Exactly What linerunner said!!

DeliciousMonster · 03/03/2015 08:19

Gosh, sorry i assumed it was just to see a film!

Taking a 40yr old to Harry Potter World without his own kids - how fucking weird is that?

Happy 40th birthday son, do you want an ice cream? Thanks mummy.

TendonQueen · 03/03/2015 08:19

That's totally weird of her. Why on earth book it specifically for someone's birthday like that, unless they had already said that's what they wanted? You'd pick another day. And why the urgency over booking it now? It's like Bridget Jones's mother ringing her on August Bank holiday to ask if she's coming home for Christmas.

At least DH was sensible and said no. I think the lesson from this is to always say 'not sure, let me get back to you' as your default. It sounds so weird that it's either a moment of sheer madness on her part, or an attempt to exclude. What's she normally like about making arrangement and celebrating birthdays?

DrEllieSattler · 03/03/2015 08:20

If you want to put it in a category xvxvxv then it's closer to a museum than a theme park.
There's no rides
It's very much a walk around and look type affair with a number of interactive qualities and specific "hunt for the" activities for children.

...also it won't be "disgustingly busy" in the holidays. They sell an absolute max number of tickets for each time slot. It's essential to the tour. It's just nigh on impossible to get tickets last min because they sell out months in advance!

Nope... I have no idea why I feel the urge to defend HPland Grin

Bakeoffcake · 03/03/2015 08:22

I thought my MIL was bad when she announced she'd ordered a cake for DH's birthday, when she knows dd and I always enjoy making his birthday cakes, but booking a day away, on his birthday!!

You really need to be a bit more assertive- next time she does something like this, just have ready the phrase 'Oh I'm not sure what's happening, I'll get dh to phone you tonight'

MinceSpy · 03/03/2015 08:25

You should be annoyed with yourself. MIL asked if you had any plans you could truthfully have said "yes but not sure what we will actually do, birthday is five months away".

Odd though that MIL leaves the grandchildren out.

SuggestmeaUsername · 03/03/2015 08:27

Remind me of the Ronnie Corbett sitcom "Sorry!" in the 1980s.

Firstly, MIL should have asked if you all wanted to go and not just DH. she is being rather rude.
Secondly, any normal person would realise that its his 40th birthday in August and therefore would assume other plans will be made for that and so should not hijack that date.
Thirdly, why would DH parents want to take a 40 year old to a children's theme park.
Fourthly, you should have said no to her.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 03/03/2015 08:28

I find it really strange that she wouldn't ask you all if you wanted to go! There's no way my DH would go with a load of adults to what is essentially a child's attraction, that his children would also want to go to. Does she have form for just inviting him to things and not the rest of you?

Definitely sounds like she was trying to manipulate the situation.

MidniteScribbler · 03/03/2015 08:31

Why on earth would you invite your adult child to what is essentially a children's theme park, and deliberately exclude his wife and child?

There is just no excuse for that behaviour. Absolutely no defence against such absolute arsehole behaviour.

VeryAgedParent · 03/03/2015 08:36

HP world, like a PP said, is more like a museum than a theme park. TBH when I went I was with my son and his wife, a really small child would have hampered us! That is not to say children were'nt enjoying it, but an adult really appreciates the amount of work that has gone into the making of the films.

BarbarianMum · 03/03/2015 08:37

She was rude but I'm still unclear why you just let her walk all over you like that. If my MiL asks me if dh would like something I just say I'll ask him and get back to her. If your MiL is pushy lie first, then check with your dh and go from there. But actually, the phrase "we'll talk about it tonight and let you know" is very useful to establish you're a team.

Original poster
WasabiPeace · 03/03/2015 08:40

The older dc have actually already been without us, with friends. So I imagine her thought process was that dh would want to go and I'd have to stay behind to look after the kids.

Dh says it was only that date as that's the earliest they could book. It's also a weekday so he would have to book precious time off work. (He works early so any plans we make will be for the afternoon).

It's not the first time I've been WTF at things mil has done or said. They booked a two week holiday abroad slap bang in the middle of our youngest's due date for example. Which of course is their prerogative, but they had the whole rest of the year to go away and choosing that date felt a bit of a snub.

Dh says I should try to see the good in people more and let it wash over me. Ultimately it doesn't matter, she asked and he said no.

OP posts:
Aridane · 03/03/2015 08:40

^Of course your DH was surprised you said yes. You are surprised and cross that you said yes and then regretted how you handled the conversation and so tried to blame it on your mil for asking.

Fortunately your DH said no. Learn from this and move on.^

This

Aridane · 03/03/2015 08:41

(italics fai)

Justyouwaitandsee · 03/03/2015 08:41

I think in this case it all turned out for the best - you didn't appear controlling (as you wanted to avoid) and your DH turned her down flat. This presumably gives a strong message that he puts your and the DC first, with or without you needing to influence him.

ajandjjmum · 03/03/2015 08:42

I assume your plans for his 40th won't include her - I know that's me falling to her level, but still!!!

musicalendorphins2 · 03/03/2015 08:42

A theme park ? I thought it was on stage or something. How very weird. She may be thinking he is turning 4, not 40! Perhaps she is loosing it? Maybe your dh should have a quiet word with his dad about getting her assessed to see if she is getting dementia. Grin

DeliciousMonster · 03/03/2015 08:51

Dh says it was only that date as that's the earliest they could book.

a - I've just added three tickets for tomorrow to my basket. Seems that the above is a lie. Whose though? Screenshot attached.

b - if it were true, that suggests to me that she knew and waited until the very moment that she could book to mention it.

c - do your own research and stop believing what they tell you!

To be really fucked off with MIL?
Goldmandra · 03/03/2015 09:00

I understand why you didn't stop her in her track, OP.

She phoned you at a time when she knew there was a very good chance you would struggle to concentrate fully on the conversation.

She asked if he would like to go. Your answer was, of course yes.

She asked if you had plans for his birthday. Your answer was a perfectly truthful no. It's months away.

Quickly glossing over the fact that you will want to make plans to spend a nice day with your DH on his birthday sometime in the next few months, she grabbed her opportunity and finished the conversation. If she had really not intended to manipulate you, she would have checked whether it was OK with you for her to whisk your DH off for a day with her on such a special occasion. She didn't hang around to check or give you the opportunity to process what was happening and clarify the situation.

Good for your DH!

At least you'll be ready if she tries it on again.

xvxvxvxvxvxvxvxv · 03/03/2015 09:00

Museum or theme park still bit odd to spend your 40th birthday there with your mum when you've got your own kids who'd want to go.

LineRunner · 03/03/2015 09:06

Apparently it's an old aircraft factory that became a film studio, full of Harry Potter sets & props and games and family 'experiences' that you tour round. You can have an 'enhanced' version for more dosh.

GloopyGhoul · 03/03/2015 10:11

Gosh, I think everyone's a bit keen to overreact about this. I'm not all that much younger than your husband, and I'd be thrilled if my mum wanted to take me to HP world for my birthday. I would be a bit miffed if my husband and daughter were specifically excluded, but (in my family) this could be for a number of reasons.

How about you just let it go, eh?

TSSDNCOP · 03/03/2015 10:37

I think you're cross because you didn't think fast enough. I think she's got carried away with a plan and just wanted to do a nice thing for her son.

Not everyone that gets carried away has a black hearted agenda. Sometimes it's just a case of bull in a china shop.

He's not going so it's smile and wave time.

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