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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told my MIL SIBU over this.

83 replies

IsabellaofFrance · 02/03/2015 14:40

We have a fairly good relationship and I usually bite my tongue over the trivial things, but this is making me quite mad, and is upsetting my DD.

MIL believes that children shouldn't get given anything outside of birthdays and Christmas time. She is generous at these times but only at these times. If this is what she believes then I respect that, but she makes comments all the time about it.

Yesterday DD and I went into town, and as she needed some new leggings we picked some up. MIL tut-tutted when we got home, making comments like 'couldn't she have waited until her birthday (in October Hmm). She then came out with DSIL'S Daughter is always a good girl and waits til her birthday. DD got quite upset as this, mainly at the implication that she isnt a good girl because she grew out of her clothes. I told MIL that she needed to be quiet, that DD is my daughter and I make the rules.

She left soon after without saying goodbye. DH and I have talked about it before and he laughed it off as 'just how Mum is'.

WIBU.

OP posts:
rinabean · 02/03/2015 14:42

No! It's clothes fgs, if it was a toy I could see that maybe she thought your daughter was twisting your arm but she hardly grew on purpose. It's horrible to put into a little girl's mind that growing makes her a bad girl!

Original poster
IsabellaofFrance · 02/03/2015 14:42

In the conversation (out of earshot of DD) she said 'well you will insist on spoiling them, and I don't think its right'. She then gave examples of the school bookfair and buying DD a new winter hat even though she already had one.

OP posts:
sliceofsoup · 02/03/2015 14:44

YANBU. I don't get it. Clothes are required more than twice a year.

WhatHo · 02/03/2015 14:45

YANBU. What's your daughter meant to do - wander round in clothes a size too small, like a Dickensian orphan? There is a massive difference between presents and clothes. My 5yo DD required two total changes of clothes last year she grew so fast.

I bet your sister in law buys her daughter clothes outside of birthdays for exactly the same reasons - she just hasn't been shopping with her.

Silly knee-jerk reaction from MIL.

BudsBeginingSpringinSight · 02/03/2015 14:45

Its none of her business you need a stock phrase to repeat.

Thanks but its not how we do things.

SukieTuesday · 02/03/2015 14:45

So if she grows a foot between now and October she's supposed to have cold ankles? Go bare foot? Honestly it's too daft to get angry at. I'd laugh at her and say clothing isn't a gift it's an essential to keep the cold and Social Services away!

SaucyJack · 02/03/2015 14:46

Even if she does believe that children should only be bought new things for birthdays/Xmas (which is entirely her right) she is still being entirely unreasonable to shove that opinion down your throat to the point that it makes your daughter upset for being given new trousers.

quirkychick · 02/03/2015 14:46

Obviously it's better for your dd to be walking about in rags Hmm.

My dds have birthdays near Christmas, that's a whole year to wait! They also grow quickly, so often need new clothes. I would class that as essentials rather than gifts. Also, v unfair to upset your dd like that.

YANBU

BudsBeginingSpringinSight · 02/03/2015 14:47

Growing, needing new clothes, none of it is relevant, if op wants to go to harrods and buy the whole dept for her DD its her business and not that of her mil

HazleNutt · 02/03/2015 14:48

so you are supposed to give children clothes for their birthday? "Oh mum, socks, how lovely! Just what I wanted!"

TheChristmasTreeFairy · 02/03/2015 14:49

Books and clothes and she thinks you're spoiling your DD?
Depending on how old your DD is I'd be laughing it off infront of her if she's little or explaining to her that different grown ups have different ideas.

I'd be getting DH to tell his mum to back off and keep her opinions on the matter to herself

FenellaFellorick · 02/03/2015 14:49

clothes are a necessity, not a luxury saved for birthdays and christmas.

It's not her business.

Cheby · 02/03/2015 14:50

YANBU. Providing clothes that fit isn't spoiling a child.

sliceofsoup · 02/03/2015 14:50

I have to say, your MIL would be steaming from the ears if she knew me.

MagelanicClouds · 02/03/2015 14:50

SIBU!
Would she prefer her granddaughter running around in old clothes that no longer fit?
Did tell DH he was being annoying by buying DS a toy he really wanted less than a month before his b'day, but that's a totally different kettle of fish. As far as clothes go I buy them when they are needed - or in advance if it's a good offer.

I'd have been tempted to say "Fine I'll stop feeding her then she'll stop growing out of her clothes" but I have been known to put my foot in it...

Only1scoop · 02/03/2015 14:51

Sibu....

Wow a pair of leggings

Is she for real

Original poster
IsabellaofFrance · 02/03/2015 14:51

MIL thinks that I should buy DD clothes for the next size up for her birthday.

MIL does this, unfortunately she buys stuff that DD doesn't particularly like (lots of jogging bottoms and character Tshirts) so maybe this is another bone of contention about the whole issue.

MIL is lovely, but quite tight.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 02/03/2015 14:52

Mil is obviously very domineering abs interfering....

Shop minus mil for a pleasant life.

ConfusedInBath · 02/03/2015 14:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NancyRaygun · 02/03/2015 14:55

She would be disgusted with me - I buy my DC stuff all the time. Not expensive and often from the charity shop but still.

It's a long wait til their birthdays

SIBU - and very dictatorial over how you do things!

Pico2 · 02/03/2015 14:55

She's loopy. Does she really want to be seen with your DD in outgrown clothes?

Bud is right, it is none if her business and definitely not just about clothes.

Jacana · 02/03/2015 14:55

Oh, your poor daughter! And boo-sucks to your horrible, ignorant mil. Time to reinforce your boundaries,Isabella, with her? She can give her gifts as and when she wants, and I'm sure your dd thanks her for them, but by the same token you can give her whatever you like when you like.tell her to butt out.Angry

DeliciousMonster · 02/03/2015 14:57

I've heard some bollocks before but this is totally ridiculous.

CrapBag · 02/03/2015 14:58

I think giving children bigger clothes as presents is shit (unless it's in with other stuff or is something specific that they'd love).

Children grow, they need clothes when they need them. We buy the odd magazine, craft items, books. Your MIL would have a fit. It's not often but they aren't spoilt children and now and again it's nice to just say yes. Plus they both have birthdays straight after Christmas so they'd never get anything throughout the year.

Your DH needs to tell her though rather than this "ha ha its just what she is like" crap. No it's fucking rude and no one asked for her constant opinions on something that has nothing to do with her.

LittleBairn · 02/03/2015 15:04

YANBU. My parents are very much of the opinion you only get gifts at Christmas and your birthday, but even they wouldn't view a growing child needing clothes as receiving a gift. Especially if they weren't paying for it.