To have told my MIL SIBU over this.

[IsabellaofFrance]

We have a fairly good relationship and I usually bite my tongue over the trivial things, but this is making me quite mad, and is upsetting my DD.

MIL believes that children shouldn't get given anything outside of birthdays and Christmas time. She is generous at these times but only at these times. If this is what she believes then I respect that, but she makes comments all the time about it.

Yesterday DD and I went into town, and as she needed some new leggings we picked some up. MIL tut-tutted when we got home, making comments like 'couldn't she have waited until her birthday (in October ). She then came out with DSIL'S Daughter is always a good girl and waits til her birthday. DD got quite upset as this, mainly at the implication that she isnt a good girl because she grew out of her clothes. I told MIL that she needed to be quiet, that DD is my daughter and I make the rules.

She left soon after without saying goodbye. DH and I have talked about it before and he laughed it off as 'just how Mum is'.

WIBU.

Wonder what your MIL would say if you needed to buy your DD some essentials like bras or knickers outside of birthdays or Xmas? Would she still insist on stocking up 2 sizes too big?

She then came out with DSIL'S Daughter is always a good girl and waits til her birthday. DD got quite upset as this, mainly at the implication that she isnt a good girl because she grew out of her clothes. I told MIL that she needed to be quiet, that DD is my daughter and I make the rules.

This is quite nasty, IMO, upsetting a child like this...for...growing out of her clothes.

She isn't paying for the stuff, it's none of her business, in the first place, and if she comes out with that sort of stuff again, she needs to be told to butt out.

Wow! at your MIL. First of all, if she believes that kids should only get presents on birthdays and Christmas them that's absolutely, 100%, A-okay, fine. For her and her kids, she has zero right to impose her child-raising rules on you and your children.

Next, clothes are not presents unless it's a non-essential item that the child has asked for, like a dress-up outfit or the new 'cool' shoes/jumper/whatever.

Then, criticising your parenting in front of your child is not on. Neither is contrasting two grandchildren unfavourably. No grandmother should ever say anything like "Your cousin finds this easy, why do you have a hard time with it?" or "I don't know why you're being like this, your cousin is so good and well behaved."

I'd try to get DH to see how unacceptable his mother's behaviour is (easier said than done, I know) he really should back you up a bit more.

Unless you are really hard up, I think it's a bit sad to give a child clothes for birthday or Christmas presents, so I would say your MIL was BU.
Also little treats out side birthday/Christmas times, brighten up life for the giver and the receiver so much more than their actual monetary value, so again I'd say MIL was BU.

MIL sounds to be a bit of a miser, and not only with money, she is a miser with joy and pleasure too. She shouldn't dictate how you deal with your daughter, so ignore her harsh words, and buy your DD whatever you want.

Oh! And books are an essential to life, so get DD as many as possible!

My DC are both January born and the thought of buying shorts and t's for the summer is not on my list of priorities. Some people buy them clothes at birthdays, fine. I see clothes for my kids as necessity not a gift, so I buy them as necessary.

You could explain this to your MIL. Or if it was me I would probably go with 'if you don't want to buy DD clothes at any other time than birthday or Christmas that is your choice. However, she is my daughter, it's my money and I will buy her what I like and when I like. I do not appreciate you inferring to DD that she is not a good girl because she gets new clothes when I choose. Similarly, if I want to buy new toys or books I will do that also. This is the end of this conversation, please do not mention it again.'

She needs to get telt OP. The comment about other grandchild being a 'good girl' would have steam coming out of my ears. Your DH absolutely needs to be on board and telling her very seriously to never comment on your acquisitions for your child again. Ever. Nasty woman.

I still think that the SIL does buy stuff but doesn't say anything to MIL.

And your DH needs to be very firm to his mum. When she phoned to complain about the purchases, he should have backed OP and told his mum it wasn't her business.

By treating it as funny, he's probably left MIL with the impression that she has a right to complain about how someone's else's money is spent.

Well your MIL knows how to suck the life out of you all doesn't she? What a misery- and a nasty one at that. The comment about the cousin was unforgivable.

I would be giving her a very wide berth and would be telling her why.

There was a thread on here a few months ago about people who complain about the price of everything and suck the joy out of trips with their comments. Your MIL would be right at home with them.