AIBU to think ADHD bashing is plain ignorant?!

[Emily34austin]

My DD has ADHD .She struggled through primary academically and slipped behind her peers .She struggled to concentrate , organise her self and her belongings and her concentration really held her back in terms of progress. She was never "naughty" well not never but not anymore than other children the same age. After two long years of observations and endless meeting's she was diagnosed with ADHD .

The first reaction I got from teacher was "Oh how unusual she is so polite". Since then it's been endless not always directly to me but comments like " ADHD another word for spoilt brat syndrome " "ASBO disorder" "Bad parenting". Then there have been the well meaning parents who tried to advise me it was caused my sugary foods and if I cut those out her symptom's would vanish.
Don't get me wrong now she is a teenager her behaviour has been an issue but isn't that the way with most teenagers (stompy,eye-roller,shouty etc!!) nothing to extreme .
DD won't tell anyone she has ADHD she has become ashamed due to ignorance and assumptions in the past .

Why do people not talk like this in regards to depression , anxiety etc.?! Why does ADHD have such a stigma ?!

This is a really interesting thread, I have a friend who has been recently been diagnosed with ADHD as an young adult, she did well at school/while living at home with parents but really struggled with independence/the organisation side of being at university rather than the academic work.

It seems like such a frustrating illness (for her), she is constantly losing her purse/bag/oystercard or not getting off the train when she should.

interesting discussion. i (personally think) part of the reason the suspicion arises is due to the pharma industry either 'creating' certain illnesses (osteopaenia or pre-osteoporosis might be one - am not an expert), or trying to over-diagnose a condition in order to sell more drugs.

coupled with this, as there is no blood test/scan to diagnose, then people may become wary of psychiatric conditions because the questionnaires can be subjective.

what is reassuring is to hear about the children helped by ritalin.

Yes - 'the Parent and Child Game' is Sue Jenner

DD is on a non-stimulant medication due to her already lacking appetite !

Stella that is interesting - and my experience as well.

DD has gone off to university/college and, at 16, is trying to cope on her own. At school she was a prefect, and worked extremely hard for her CGSEs. Her profile is different from those students for whom lack of impulse control manifests as classroom incidents - she was, in the words of her teachers, a "model student" - but they, and she, could not figure out why she tried so hard and then just could not make exams work. All her coursework was A* level but she lost points massively on her exams. Now at her current institution she has been tested and found to have dyspraxia and ADHD and has been told she should unequivocally have 25% extra time for exams. It's so frustrating, and I just despair when moves are made to make everything exam-based.

When she was home and not just doing her school work but a massive amount of out of school activity, the structure of her life must have worked in her favour. She is finding it much harder to organise herself now - though she is managing. She'd love a car with her DSA allowance. I suspect she will get a hand held recording device because she can't concentrate in lectures.

I never actually suspected ADHD as, years ago as a primary teacher, I had a student who was on ritalin - really this is so long ago that it was a real talking point in the staffroom. Many staff showed the attitude that many of you have experienced - that it was bad parenting, and horrible to medicate children, etc etc. My student was a fairly average boy, looked a bit vacant or confused at times (who doesn't at 7) and did a few naughty things that you could discipline him for or talk to him about. One day his morning ritalin was somehow not taken. I have never seen anything like it. He was clearly unable to control himself, to an extreme degree. He was defiant, dangerous, and very, very unhappy - though I think I was only able to be aware of how unhappy he was because I knew him from half a year of being able to communicate with him. His mum came in with his medication and soon he was back to himself. But I never questioned the existence of ADHD after that!

Of course DD's issue is that she doesn't have those manifestations; they are all much more as Bertie describes. So I never really picked it up.

IME the exam thing is likely to be related more to dyspraxia than ADHD but of course individuals vary. But I am much better in exams than coursework. I can go in, hyper focus with no distractions and it's done. Especially science and maths type exams where you work the answers out as you go rather than essay type exams (although I was great at Psychology and Sociology essays which involved regurgitating the main points of studies. Philosophy and English type exams where you have to think and formulate longer arguments I was awful in.) Coursework involves organising myself over a longer period of time which is much harder without someone sitting there on my back about doing it, and of course if someone is telling you what to do it's not your own work.

I think as well that if you've known a child with medication and then suddenly see them without medication, it's going to be a much starker contrast. Both because you're not used to it, and because it's harder for them to manage when they aren't used to applying several layers of coping mechanisms over the top of their problems and, indeed, aren't used to their own symptoms. There might be a level of instability caused by withdrawal as well. If you only know a child without medication, it's more difficult to see because there's nothing to compare it to, you're more used to it but crucially they are used to it to and most if not all people develop coping mechanisms.

Emily I ma so sorry when you say about homework, and stuff getting lost, it sounds really awful to manage. We get a small bit of it at home. Can I ask how old she is? My DD is 10. And re Staff even told DD it was much nicer when she was off ill shock .I spoke to teacher who said it was as trying to keep her on task was a draining job ! That is shocking and horrible.

Bertiebots re 8She wasn't good at being a child, but there was nothing wrong with her. Indeed, many qualities we value in adults we disapprove of in children, so it's quite baffling really.*

I often feel for my dd (who is not diagnosed with anything except dyslexia at the moment) that she is not very good at being a child! She wants so much to be independent! I'm constantly frustrated at how we want to crush kids in some hope of making them good at being good adults! When I say we I mean the system of course!

I think that's great Italian :) You should try and nurture and support that in her as much as possible - give her responsibility and freedom up to a point (you keep those "reins" on of course :)) help her explore alternatives where she can be more independent.

Bertiebots it is hard because she is not as responsible as the average 10 year old but actually think she knows it all (she really does!)

sorry.... but actually think she knows it all (she really does think she does!)

Bertie, that may be so about exams; DD had mostly humanities subjects. A certain amount of her coursework was also performance based, where of course the hyper-focus thing worked to her advantage. Obviously it's her experience, not mine, though I have been trying to read about it as much as possible, and some of the books are pretty good at explaining the experience of having ADHD. What I am struggling with finding out about, at least from the books I've read so far, is things to try that might help. Because some of her coping strategies up to now have included unchanging timetables and a mum-taxi, and now she is finding it harder, and starting to feel pretty down about it. So if anyone knows of any resources or sources of information (I'll look at the book mentioned earlier) I'd be very grateful.

Thank you for starting this thread OP, I have a dd with adhd, really she just had add. It's hard, on her, our family and honestly nasty and unsympathetic comments are so unhelpful.

I really wish the general public could be a bit better educated on the condition

hareinthemoon I can really identify with your daughter, I too managed to succeed at school, and my behaviour was not disruptive. The hyper focus thing isn't something that I can switch on, its something that just happens if something grabs me. The structure of further education and the exams and deadlines was a nightmare for me. I think the best approach with education is to step back and stop trying to conform and force it into a package. I think the best approach for someone with ADD, is to allow them to find their thing, the thing that they really love doing, and then to let the hyper focus drive them forward. The career and money will follow.

I qualified as a nurse 20 years ago, and I really struggled because nursing is so regimented. Eventually by chance I started to specialise in one particular area that interested me, and involved a specific clinical procedure. I hyper focussed on it, and specialised, and I am now one of very few in the country able to do it. I was head hunted for my current position, and stated my terms from day one. I can do the procedure, but forget admin and all that messing about - I will let you down. She has realistic expectations, and has provided me with support in the admin area. I get on with my procedure - heaven.

hare That's what I am struggling to find too unfortunately. I can only share what has helped me personally.

So You're Not Crazy... has been the most practical book I've read so far. The Adult ADD Workbook is too rigid and one solution only. That solution doesn't work for me (or, I suspect, many people with ADD!) so it's lost.

DS has ADHD as well as Autism and Dyspraxia. I strongly suspect that I have inattentive ADHD too as I have struggled all my life. It makes me so angry when I hear ignorant rubbish said with regards to ADHD. These people simply do not have a clue.
DS has always been well behaved in class and outside of school too. His ADHD diagnosis led to medication at age 8. Within three months of starting medication my son could finally read.....massive progress and all down to one small pill. Over the next three years he went from not rea hing NC Level 1 to being almost on a par with his peers. He left Y6 with an award for Outstanding Progress in KS2. I was and am so proud of him.

He is now in Y7 and is struggling wo the larger environment.....but that's a while other story.

what I'm trying to say, is allow the ADD to run its course without applying pressure to conform to societies expectations. Identify the passion they have for something, and allow them to hyper focus. The mix of creativity and hyper focus will sky rocket them and blow their NT peers out of the water. Hopefully they will develop skills and talent that will become a commodity - the ADD has given them the advantage.

What I find truly amazing is that the medication ( Concerta ) now gives me the best of both worlds. I have retained the creativity and manic drive, and now have the means with which to apply it to order. ( also I have lost weight - Brucey bonus !! )

gratefulhead go and see your GP if you suspect you have ADHD (its a poem It won't hurt and might significantly change your life for the better

Something thats worth considering - my consultant said that often when you look back, people with ADHD have often had a complication during birth. I was born breached and Mum said they were struggling to deliver me. I know of twins - one has ADHD and not the other, their Mum said that the delivery became complicated for the ADHD twin.

Huh, interesting. I was born late, the night before induction was planned, and lacked oxygen when I was born and apparently they were in such a rush to get me to the trolley thing to give oxygen that they forgot to cut the cord and tried to pull me away still attached! Then I was wheeled off and in an incubator for a while.

there you go ! When I ask fellow ADDers, there is usually something

hypoxia - damage to frontal lobe

Bertiebots next time you have to pay your fees for the overdue Library books, or get your third reminder for the kids dinner money you can look them squarely in the eye and say "piss OFF ! I suspect I have slight damage to my brain...here...at the front" no more apologies

Oh shit I forgot to take the library books back again Thanks for reminding me!