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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel a bit 'cat's bum face' about this?

77 replies

bigredtractor · 27/02/2015 20:43

I'll start with a caveat - I know that this isn't really my business, but I can't help but feel bothered by it.

My sister's DH - my BIL - has 2 boys from a previous relationship. They are 7 & 9 yo. They live with their mum and have contact with their dad Fri-Sun every other weekend, plus shared school holidays.

My sis has a job with an early start & a commute so works long hours. On the weekends when they have the boys they'll quite often out a sign on their bedroom door saying that the kids aren't allowed to disturb them before 10am (typically) so that sis & BIL can have a lie in.

AIBU to think that this is quite a long time to expect two quite young boys to entertain themselves for? They can make themselves breakfast, warch TV, play etc so don't have to be in their rooms, just don't have adult company till later on.

To be honest I'm a bit more judgy towards my BIL than sister - its his contact time and (I think) a bit shabby to not spend the early morning with his kids. The lie in is my sister's suggestion but he goes along with it.

If DH & I split and I found out he was doing this to our kids during 'his' time I'd be so disappointed in him. And I feel a bit sorry for them, to be honest. AIBU?

OP posts:
Musicaltheatremum · 27/02/2015 20:46

I think 10am is too late. Mind you a lie in for me is 7.30.

greeneggsandjam · 27/02/2015 20:48

I think its very sad that they are putting signs up. Not welcoming at all. I am sure it will have an affect on the relationship with the children at some point if not already. I think its pretty selfish and cold.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 27/02/2015 20:49

It is shabby.

Irelephant · 27/02/2015 20:50

My 9 year old will get up and get her own breakfast on weekends when I take DP too work at 5am.

She watches telly and wakes me up about 9/10 when she gets bored. If they can entertain themselves no harm done.

Depends on the child I think.

PrettyFeet · 27/02/2015 20:50

I find this rather rigid and strange to be honest.

The boys should be able to go and wake their dad and he should get up with them.

GatoradeMeBitch · 27/02/2015 20:50

YANBU. As he only sees them two days out of fourteen he should get up, lazy get. I guess he won't be going for 50/50 custody any time soon...

WestEast · 27/02/2015 20:51

Seems a bit shit to me. I love my early morning snuggles with DSD. When she's all warm and smells of bed, talk about our dreams and make plans for the day. It's lovely.

Toughasoldboots · 27/02/2015 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 27/02/2015 20:52

What time do the boys get up? What time do you think is reasonable for the adults to get up? I think 9 would be better personally, but if they get up at 10, get dressed and get into full on parent mide straight away, it's not too bad, If however they get up at 10, faff about for ages, plonk themselves on the sofa or pick up the Ipad and don't really interact then not so good. But either way it's not the end of the world and really, none of your business.

LaurieFairyCake · 27/02/2015 20:53

How long are they realistically up for? A couple of hours at most - good time to learn new skills like making breakfast and watching cartoons.

Seems fine to me, 10am is hardly the middle of the afternoon.

If you expect your 7 and 9 year old to
entertain themselves for a couple of hours at any point then first time in the morning is as good as time as any.

I expect children that age to entertain themselves.

Wolfiefan · 27/02/2015 20:54

How odd! I would understand them asking the boys (given their ages) to not wake them say before 8. A notice on the door and the rule of 10 seems harsh.

usualsuspect333 · 27/02/2015 20:54

They are old enough to watch the telly for a bit and get a bowl of cocopops.

I wouldn't get my knickers in a twist over it.

cinders456 · 27/02/2015 20:55

That's v sad. He needs to grow a back bone and focus on his kids.

LaurieFairyCake · 27/02/2015 20:55

I'm a bit hmm about people saying the sign is unfriendly.

It's the same as a bunny clock which basically means don't bloody wake me up til it goes off.

usualsuspect333 · 27/02/2015 20:57

No way was I up at 8 0 clock on a weekend when my kids were that age.

cinders456 · 27/02/2015 20:57

Yes, they can entertain themselves and may well choose to do this sometimes but need to have the security of knowing their dad is available.

usualsuspect333 · 27/02/2015 20:59

Well I'm sure if disaster struck he would get up.

ChippyMinton · 27/02/2015 21:00

None of your business.
The boys are not guests. And they are plenty old enough to make breakfast and amuse themselves. I bet they live the freedom.

Justmuddlingalong · 27/02/2015 21:00

Would the kids be comfortable chapping the door if need be, because the sign on the door seems a bit extreme?

YellowTulips · 27/02/2015 21:02

Not at 7/9 years tbh....

They should be capable of getting up and a bowl of cereal at that age.

Original poster
bigredtractor · 27/02/2015 21:04

I think it's more the fact that they're in their less familiar setting - & the fact that they didn't get to see their dad ordinarily in the morning.

I was shocked when I saw the note (I stayed over a couple of weekends ago) so quite happily chatted / mooched in PJs / buikt a bit of lego with them.

I don't think its the time so much I.e. 10am being right or wrong, more the principle - & the context of them not living there day to day.

OP posts:
RabbitSaysWoof · 27/02/2015 21:04

I don't think it's bad to want a lie in, seriously at 7 and 9 they should get to be the parents alarm clock when they've been at work all week?
I'm quite surprised at the responses specially after reading all the threads about mners 7 year olds capabilities doing the washing/ cooking things independently etc that 2 children of junior school age can't amuse themselves until the adults wake naturally.

mcarthurspark · 27/02/2015 21:05

You say she has a long commute - does he? If I only saw my kids Fri-Sun there is NO WAY on earth I'd have a sign on my door telling them not to come in before 10. No way.

SocialMediaAddict · 27/02/2015 21:06

My 9 year old twins get up, watch TV. They often don't come into our room until 10. BUT they are completely welcome to have a snuggle if they want.

usualsuspect333 · 27/02/2015 21:06

I wouldn't play bloody lego first thing in the morning either.