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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think an adult man should be able to choose how he decides to grow his facial hair?

53 replies

Rollergirl1 · 26/02/2015 22:23

My BIL (DH's younger brother) constantly gets a hard time from his Mum and Dad (my PIL) about the fact that he has a beard. FIL (his Dad) absolutely hates it and MIL is always berating him, saying things like "Why can't you just shave it off when you're coming home, you know your Dad hates it." BIL gets really pissed off and says that it's his personal choice how he grows his facial hair and they don't comment on anyone else's hair style or clothing. I totally agree and think it is really out of order of PIL's to keep bringing this up. He is an adult and should be free to do whatever he wants. But DH agrees with his parents and thinks that it's not much to ask and he should just have a shave if it pleases his Dad. But why should he???

OP posts:
KingJoffreyObviouslyWatchesHol · 26/02/2015 22:27

If I were him I just wouldn't bother going back...

His hair/beard/clothes are no one else's business.

And there's this small thing called unconditional love. Have they not hear of it??

ineedabodytransplant · 27/02/2015 14:01

Controlling much?

Dad'll have to get over it. I have a beard and can't ever remember my mum or dad ever mentioning it, let alone hating it.

And I think your DH is out of order expecting his brother to Kowtow to the old fools.

FenellaFellorick · 27/02/2015 14:07

why should he shave? If he likes a beard and he shaves it just to visit his parents, then he's got to keep growing it again.

If your parents liked your husband with a bald head, would he immac it before a visit?

If I was the brother, the next time I went home it would be with a zztop style beard, purple Mohawk and 42 facial piercings. You can get quite realistic ones Grin

It absolutely is too much to ask. They are ridiculous and controlling and well done to your husband's brother for not standing for it.

Ohfourfoxache · 27/02/2015 14:12

Urgh how pathetic and controlling - your poor BIL Sad

Totally agree, it's his choice completely.

I don't understand how parents can feel that they should have a say in what their adult dc do with their hair. Mil tried for years to get me to change what (now) DH did with his hair - without success. It eventually stopped when I told her that she would have a say in how he wore his hair the day that he had a say in how she wore hers. Not a peep since Grin

ApocalypseThen · 27/02/2015 14:13

Sure, he can have a beard if he wants. Other people can call him a tool for having if they want, too.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 27/02/2015 14:13

"Merry Christmas mum and dad. Still got the beard. Ring you next year, eh?".

Suddengeekgirl · 27/02/2015 14:13

MIL is like that about dh's beard.

EVERY time we see her she mentions how scruffy it is (it isn't) and then pointedly asks if I like it.
I shrug and reply with "it's not my face, it's up to dh what he does with his."

She refused to take the hunt so last time I added in that I certainly wouldn't be happy if dh told me what to do with my hair!

Bloody family can be so controlling at times. Hmm
host of irritating back story at the minute

FenellaFellorick · 27/02/2015 14:26

Having a beard makes you a tool?

farewellfigure · 27/02/2015 14:34

He needs to tell them to stop it or he will stop going over there. My DM was always making little comments about my hair. It's too short. It's too long. It doesn't suit you. I had to tell her to stop. She apologised (very uncomfortable for about 2 hours), then apologised again later that evening, and has never commented about it again. They won't stop unless he gives them an ultimatum by the sound of it.

yellowsnownoteatwillyou · 27/02/2015 14:36

My mil does this to dh everytime she sees him.
He doesn't technically have a beard, is just really lazy and doesn't have a job he has to be clean shaven for so doesn't bother all the time.
I like it, but it's his face so he can do what he likes.
He does always ponder on shaving if he's going to see them, just so he doesn't have to deal with them moaning, sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't.

Fil is always clean shaven, I wonder it's to do with that, or now that I have a son, I think I will be slightly sad when he grows up and has a hairy face, but I Wouldn't moan about to him.

ThatBloodyWoman · 27/02/2015 14:40

Yanbu.
Of course a grown man should decide for himself how he has his facial hair.

ApocalypseThen · 27/02/2015 14:41

Having a beard makes you a tool?

Not always, but it is an early warning indicator for the dreaded hipsters.

TruJay · 27/02/2015 14:42

DH's grandma is the same, always commenting about DH looking scruffy and if he does visit clean shaven she'll say in front of us and the dc "thank god daddy has shaved!" Bit rude really, DH looks hot unshaven Grin

FenellaFellorick · 27/02/2015 14:43

what are hipsters?

To me beard = geography teacher, santa or my dad. Grin

DontDrinkandFacebook · 27/02/2015 14:43

I agree with you.

ApocalypseThen · 27/02/2015 14:49

what are hipsters?

The scourge of the planet. The young lads who go around in beards and self conciously untrendy but costly clothing, the genesis of bizarre cereal cafés, the ones on massively expensive bicycles, craft beers, artful tat sold at ambitious prices, you know them.

To me beard = geography teacher, santa or my dad.

Also my dad, though in fairness to him, it's a by product of his natural scruffiness.

ahbollocks · 27/02/2015 14:50

I like beards :) my dad has one and he has such a kind face.
Yanbu, dhs ex apparently meithered on and on and wanted him clean shaven everyday. He stillapologisees now if he's stubbly but I really could not give less of a fuck xxxx

ArmyDad · 27/02/2015 14:52

Not in the Army you can't

misskatamari · 27/02/2015 15:00

My dh has a beard and luckily comes from a beardy family so his parents have nothing but pride for his beard growing abilities. It's awful that your pil and dh are so rude about your bil, absolutely none of their business. If I was him i'd be having words and avoiding them if they couldn't keep their anti-beard moaning to themselves! Cheeky sods!

Spadequeen · 27/02/2015 15:03

I like beards. Good for your bil and shame on your dh

iklboo · 27/02/2015 15:05

MIL kept doing this to DH & trying to get me to agree. I told her over & over I like DH with a beard, but it was his face & he could pretty much do with it what he liked.

He got drunk shaved it off one night after some ribbing and regretted it the minute he sobered woke up the next day. DS hated dad without a beard & he just didn't look right. It's been hairy faced DH since.

EElisavetaOfBelsornia · 27/02/2015 15:07

I have a beardy DH too. When he first grew it, a work colleague said "don't take this the wrong way, but you look like a paedophile" Grin I am still wondering what's the right way to take that. What makes people think they can be so rude? YANBU.

Nomama · 27/02/2015 15:09

I really want to agree that a man can do what the hell he likes with his facial hair....

But if DH tried it he would be sent to the bathroom to get rid of it... NOW!

Then again I work in FE and am surrounded by those 'hipsters' staff and student alike Sad Grin

GirlAnachronism · 27/02/2015 15:12

my dh doesn't look like my dh without a beard or facial hair, he looks an 8 year old if he shaves it off, he knows this, and knows i love beards on men, but ultimately i would get used to it if he didn't like the beard. his face, his decision. Feel so sorry for your BIL

FenellaFellorick · 27/02/2015 15:19

Thanks, Apocalypse. this particular fad has clearly passed me by.

I do like my men hairy, mind. Something on the chest to grab hold of, furry legs, scratchy face.

Probably why I'm banned from twycross, tbh.