to think i have been to easy going and have turned into a mug....

[ghostspirit]

i let my 17 year old have her boyfriend over when ever she likes and stay over when ever he wants. which is alot. i have work and yesterday daughter had college. her bf was meant to go to college in the afternoon so he was in the house on his own and was going to leave for college later. i got in from work at 3.30ish and he was still in bed. he said he had a good reason. his alarm was not set. he did not have to leave till 12pm. no college for either of them today. kitchen bit of a mess so i asked 17 year old to clean it said i wanted it spotless she said ok. got home the kitchen just looked slap dashed. asked daughter about it she said oh bf helped me. so i said if there are 2 of you doing it all the more reason it should be better. oh and her bf was in bed again when i got home. although he was dressed. daughter said he was just in bed watching tv but has been up. but im fed up with coming home to him in bed and the curtains all shut and lights of and place gloomy and dark... not my bedroom so maybe nothing to do with me really. also he is not my kid so him staying in bed dossing about is it even anything to do with me...

im 31 weeks pregnant and time i have got home from work im in alot of pain i feel like crying and i can hardly walk. my back and hip/legs really hurt and i get strong braxton hicks and i get rather breathless. so i have asked the kids to help out a bit more go the extra mile just do something to be kind just to help a bit. daughter says but you dont ask (i do) but i get met with YES I KNOW I KNOW YES I KNOW... if i do. if she is tidying the kitchen and the is a bit of rubbish on the floor in the door way she wont pick it up because its not her job to because its not the actual kitchen.

shes basicly going to college mon/tues. and then staying in bed rest of the week get up in the afternoon slap dashed the kitchen and gets the kids from school for me 3 days a week. as i said i allow her bf to stay. he eats in the house as well which i really do notice.. she also gets her phone contract paid. get 10 pounds a week in cash. and extra if there is a good reason for it. example i gave her 70 pounds so she can do something for valentines. couple days before that 20 pounds for cinema. and couple weeks will be one year shes been with bf so she will want money then as well.

although she gets the kids and slap dashes the kitchen i dont feel she gives much in return. i feel the bf is taking the piss as well.

in blunt i just want daughter to get butt, out of bed clean kitchen get kids from school.

Thank goodness you seem to have got rid of the lazy boyfriend! Your DD wants to think herself lucky you were so lenient and let him stay, I wasn't allowed boyfriends staying over at her age!

I also agree that at 17 coming 18 and only at college 2 days a week she should be getting a job no matter what it is, and still be doing her fair share! I was at college full time at that age and when I finished I then worked full time but I still paid something towards my keep and helped out with chores at home.

The only thing that may be going on here is your DD may feel a bit resentful at having the other DC even though she is getting money for this, my mum had my little sisters when I was 16 and 17 and then returned to work after 6 weeks leaving myself and my other sister (3 years younger than me) to look after them and when they went to nursery/school I quite often ended up dropping and picking up as I drove and sister didn't and tbh it did start to grate after a while as they weren't my kids. Even after I had my first DD at 20 I still was lumbered with little sisters until I eventually told my mum I just wasn't doing it anymore I had my own child own job and own home by then but had been to soft for too long.

Maybe it's time for a bit more tough love pull her act together help out more get a job and stick in at college and change the disgusting attitude or she's out, it may seem harsh but she really is taking the mick at that age

ghost have you insisted she does her CV with her college careers service?

Rebecca, she is getting money from her mum in exchange for her help. Lots of teenagers babysit. And she's not a young teenager - she's less than one year away from legal adulthood!

thank you faux 88 i would never kick my kids out. not over something like this although its stressing me out a bit. its also probably typical thing that some familys go through.

sooty my bad i completely forgot about it. i will defo do it with her over the weekend get all her bits together with her and tell her to contact the careers service within the college... im stuck with this part though if i say to her when your at college see your careers service. and i tell her how good and positive it can be and that her cv can look really good and it will make her feel better about things as well.... she wont go. but then if i contact the careers service on her behalf. not sure i can/if its allowed? im treating her like a baby.

had a talk with daughter about what happend last night. seems to have been resolved a bit to easy but we will see. i also said about the boyfriend staying i said most parents would not allow what i have with the boyfriend staying. i told her that i have not spoken to one single parent that have said they would allow it. im the only one. but she does not get it at all. and i don't really know how to explain. i just told her my way of thinking is not within the norm. and thats just how it is. and said its about respecting the house. and that its not a hotel.

I think you just need to keep reinforcing the message.
No I wouldn't go to the careers interview with her, but I'd make it clear there'd be no extra cash for nights out etc until she went there and came home with a job ready CV.

yeah thats a good idea :)

At least that way she'd have an incentive to go even if she moans, you'd have proof she's been and you wouldn't have to infantalise her by going with her. If they do it at college check they've emailed it to her though so that she has an electronic copy and tell her she needs to start applying for jobs with it and update it on a regular basis as she acquires new skills and qualifications.

indeed. and im defo cutting back on money... there was a job going couple weeks ago in super drugs. it was only 4 hours a week i think. but it was 25 week a day so i guess that 4 hours meant to be done in that one day like 10-2 or something like that. she said the money was not good enough and she gets more from me. could not get her to understand it was a foot in the door and gives her a bit of money and if she done well they may hav given her more hours

That gives a real message doesn't it ghost?
It's just the sort of job she needs to be looking at if she can fit it round college but she won't while it's easier just to hold out her hand to you.

yes defo does.... once a week was not going to put her out at all... anyway get the cv sorted and see where is gos.

is this kitchen reasonably tidy or slap dash. i call it slap dash or am i just being a moany cow?

You are not being moany. It's easy to see that you could tidy that up a bit better. It would only take a few minutes. Put the plates away, tidy the stuff on the floor. It's not rocket science.

Slapdash.

nope would not take an extra 10 mins to do it properly.