To ask you all what would be on your 'not to do' list when having a wedding?

[Clockingoff]

Seems to be tons of wedding threads at the moment, so thought maybe we should have a go at extrapolating from them what should definitely not be done when planning a wedding if you don't want to piss guests off.

The obvious ones seem to be:

No poems demanding cash gifts;
No awkward far flung destinations and then sulks when guests can't afford the money or time to attend them;
No disappearing for hours to have photographs taken while the guests kick their heels back at the hotel.

Anything else?

apparently, don't ask people you have uninvited to help decorate the venue

also don't bad mouth people on facebook who have to pull out due to a family bereavement...

No excluding BF babies just because you have a 'no children' policy, and even worse if they are family and all possible babysitters are at the sodding wedding!

Remember that no-one cares about the wedding as much as the B+G and it is unreasonable to expect otherwise.

Watching this with interest as I'm getting married in 12 weeks!
I'm doing ok so far, no poem or mention of gifts on our invites & def no far flung destinations! I haven't sorted a photographer yet but have no intention of disappearing for hours or spending a fortune!
Will see what else gets a mention!

Don't send a gift list/request/instruction with an invitation.

Oh I forgot:

No ridiculously expensive hen parties;
No inviting guests to different bits of the weddings, and leaving them to hang around aimlessly for the hours in between.

Please tell guests if there is no food at the evening do. Nobody minds if there isn't, unless you don't tell them first (and they get sozzled on free wine and throw up in the cab home....)

Don't leave your guests for ages with no opportunity for anything to eat or drink!

If its a paid bar no problem at all. But there needs to be drinks available whilst the bride and groom have photos!

I wouldn't bother with favours either. Or chair covers. They are both a waste of time, spend the budget you save on more booze! :)

Don't get annoyed when people turn down your invite- some people can't stand weddings.

Prioritise the things that will make your guests happy. For instance, no one really gives a stuff about chair covers, table decorations or favours. They do care about being able to have a drink (I don't expect a free bar, but wine on the table and more choice than water for people who don't drink alcohol), and enough food.

Oh, people only have a 'memorable' wedding if it's really simple and alternative or really lavish and extravagant. Nobody notices if you have almonds or blue roses or personalised cupcakes at an average wedding. That's really bitchy I know, but I just don't see the point in spending ££££ on things which nobody notices or cares about except the B&G.

Can you tell I'm not married! (I love a good knees up though, so all for that bit!)

Don't have a welcome line. The guess find it awkward and it delays sitting down for lunch.

Have worked in wedding catering...

Don't try and be clever by having "special" separate desserts for the men and women.

It does not go down well with the guests who always end up wanting what their DP is having.

Never heard of that last one. What a ridiculous idea.

No expensive hen/stag dos.

Don't have a tragic sad singletons table (because you're loved up and you mistakenly assume that by putting all your single friends who don't know each other from Adam on the same table they will magically get loved up too) - seat people with their friends, not complete strangers. (You can tell that one has been inflicted on me, can't you? )

When doing group shots after the service, don't specifically exclude 1 or 2 people and leave them hanging around for ages.

Make sure you have enough food - just because you get fed first doesn't mean tables 7-10 should have to fight it out for the last burger

Don't have your ceremony at 1 and then dinner at 4......nothing worse than being at a wedding absolutely starving, stop being fucking tight and get your hand in your pocket for a few canapés....B&G are off having photos whilst all your guests are bad tempered and famished.
Unpopular this next one but if you HAVE to have children at a wedding please keep them quiet, you might think little johnny screeching through the ceremony is cute but I guarantee nobody else does and FYI same goes for sliding around the dance floor when the music starts....leave them at home!

Don't chose a tiny venue and then not invite your friend's partners, especially if you've known them years. My friend has done this and it has been a massive headache for her.

Don't have relatives write and perform a (serious, humorous might be ok) 15 minute song about the happy couple...

It wasn't a wedding I attended, but 6 family members who were there still go, seriously, WTF? Lol

Don't let people get hungry. Lob food at them at every possible opportunity. People will put up with anything so long as there is lots of nice food and drink.

Relax and enjoy. Don't spend over a year planning every detail. You will not enjoy the day if you are spending your time worrying about perfection.

Don't ask non-bridesmaids to organise your hen do. Happened to me twice now

No to paying for chair covers. Who the fuck remembers the chairs?

Don't separate people from their family and friends by 'mixing up' the guests when organising tables. People are not there to speed date. They want to sit with people they know, not the groom's cousin and the bride's aunty Dora who they have never met in their lives.

Don't have a best man who will give a speech that reveals the groom had an affair with his female teacher when he was in 6th form and went on holiday with her, and read excerpts from her book that she wrote about it, when parents and bride don't already know about these things.

F was at this wedding, the whole room's collective jaw fell to the floor.

Just to add to the question you were really asking - don't give anyone a bill, ever, for anything at a wedding. Guests get fed for free and choose where they stay and for how long.