To ask you all what would be on your 'not to do' list when having a wedding?

[Clockingoff]

Seems to be tons of wedding threads at the moment, so thought maybe we should have a go at extrapolating from them what should definitely not be done when planning a wedding if you don't want to piss guests off.

The obvious ones seem to be:

No poems demanding cash gifts;
No awkward far flung destinations and then sulks when guests can't afford the money or time to attend them;
No disappearing for hours to have photographs taken while the guests kick their heels back at the hotel.

Anything else?

Ha also don't send an account number with wedding invite asking for money 3 months before the wedding so you can use it to pay your honeymoon deposit. It's really rude.

Don't wear high heels if you're not used to them! Ouch.

Some people disagree but I say don't have the bar in a separate room to the main wedding room because it really breaks up the party and spoils the mood. Some people like being able to separate off though, but it's something to think about and might get forgotten/taken for granted.

apparently, don't ask people you have uninvited to help decorate the venue

That was a fab thread!

Dont forget to feed your guests enough food, the most important part!

Don't let your choice of venue be more of a priority than your and your guests' enjoyment. It's about having people there to share the day, not the photographs. Pick somewhere accessible, with affordable (or even better, free) drinks, and which is big enough to accommodate your guests and their partners/families. If I could have my.time again that's what I would do, it makes me feel bad to think of my skint friends forking out for expensive hotel rooms/bar tabs just because I wanted the swanky venue. Also don't have a looooong day. The better weddings I've been to were late afternoon ceremony, straight into the reception with an informal buffet/carvery type meal and no separate evening do. Stops that slightly awkward two tier friends system and all the hanging about between parts of the day. Speaking of which, if you're going to insist on have people hanging about while you have hundreds of photos taken, for the love of God don't leave them without anything to eat!

My cousin did away the coordinating table linen in favour of a drinks reception with substantial canapes instead of a starter at the meal. That worked really well as people were able to eat & chat while b&g had snaps done. There was light entertainment with coconut shy and funfair games while waiting for lunch. It was a fun wedding.

Things not to do:
Expect your guests to pay for the wedding. If you can't afford something then don't have it. Simples

Make sure that any guests to the service have a means of getting to the reception - it should not be up to them on the day to go from group to group begging for a lift!

Think about things like "where are your guests going to park" - just because you have an official car and don't need to worry they do.

To be fair the last wedding I went to was my brothers (2nd time around) and it was brilliant. The bar was rather expensive BUT there was also plenty of free drink, ample food and everything was arranged around sharing with their guests.

So glad to read this - seems I'm doing mostly ok! Getting married in August.

Specifically chose a venue where people could stay if they wanted (only slightly more expensive than Travelodge, and includes breakfast) or if not - 10/15 min taxi home for most people.

Wedding and reception both in same place so no one has to faff about getting to different places/parking

Wedding 2-2:45ish, sit down for meal starts at 4:30 with food served at 5pm. Gives 90 mins to have pics and mingle a bit - guests will have a drink/canapes while they wait and there's a park next door where kids can go if they get terribly bored!

Hen do for closest friends only - one night in Brighton, another night out locally for food and drinks for others who couldn't come/couldn't justify hotel but still want to be involved.

OH wants to put in a 'no gifts, but money only if you want to' poem but I'm trying desperately to persuade him it's not ok! We're only going on a UK mini-moon for a few days, no expensive honeymoon we're expecting others to pay for

No choice of food (kitchen too small) - but it's been chosen so 95% of people will like it, free wine on the tables, kids have special kiddie menu, also going to put some money behind the bar to kick things off in the evening.

Essentially it's just a big party (me and OH been together a decade - we're well past the whole romantic, most-significant-day-of-our-lives thing!) and we want everyone to get drunk and dance their arses off have a good time!

Don't ask who would like to stay in the reception venue accommodation (at huge cost) without mentioning that it is tiny single bed dormitory style only.

Don't allow the band to play so loudly that non dancing guests can't hear themselves think, never mind have a conversation with anyone.

Don't choose venue and church an hour from each other, it's annoying.

Have someone poised to deal with kids who scream in ceremony.

Feed people between ceremony and meal, famished guests are grumpy.

Don't mix up your groups - my poor mum ended up sitting on back table with my cousins uni friends instead of the same table as the rest of her family. She was very upset.

Don't expect people to come all the way to your wedding, give you a gift and pay for their booze all night but give them a shit dinner. They won't mind paying for your big day but will feel pretty peeved if there's not at least something nice for them as guests to eat.

Don't disappear for hours having photos of you pillow fighting in the bridal suite bath while your guests stand around bored stiff.

if you don't want to have guests and fuss, DON'T bother to inform parents of it - just elope. They'll feel crappy anyway and express it to you at great length but at least it won't cause the wedding to be put off again while you try to explain your reasoning to those who don't understand that the wedding they want you to have is your idea of hell on earth.

(yes, I am feeling bitter.. that's what has just happened to my intended "him, me, the kids and 2 witnesses" wedding... :( )

Don't try to tell guests what to wear.

Don't let the father of the bride get so drunk that he lets all the family skeletons out of the closet in his speech.... nor the mother of the bride so drunk that she falls over on the dancefloor (seen both of these, thankfully not at the same wedding though!).

Make sure your church/venue decorations won't catch alight from the candles! (Thankfully that was at a rehearsal before one wedding, not during it....).

Don't forget to enjoy yourself ! [ie. Don't stress about stuff that no-one else would ever notice]

Here's a test of what's important to everyone at the wedding. [^If you can accurately answer questions 1-3, you're already bridezilla, have probably been planning your wedding since birth and there's no hope for you.]

1. What was the table centre piece at the last wedding you went to where you were not part of the wedding party? Can you name a flower within it or the bridal bouquet?
2. Think back to the last three weddings you've attended. Was there a theme or theme colour that you admired/gave a fig about/made any difference to your experience of the day? Was the table plan pretty?
3. Detail the food you ate at the last two weddings you attended? Can you remember any of it in fact?

Then ask yourself these questions.........

1. Can you remember eating a bad meal at a wedding? Why was it bad?

Were you expected to attend a lengthy hen/stag weekend affair?

1. Were you at a venue miles from any sort of reasonably priced accommodation/transport?
2. Was there a free/subsidised bar for any part of the day?
3. Were the canapes/food before dinner if there was a break good and stop you from getting too tiddly?
4. Did you sit with friends you haven't seen for a while and have a great catch up?
5. Did you have fun?

Final question
Unless it was a form of food or drink, have you ever bothered to take a wedding favour home with you?

Don't have a photographer!

Oh and please do not have a dresscode! No, just no.

No poems demanding cash gifts

No demanding cash gifts, period.

No getting mad at someone for not getting you an "expensive enough" gift, or for getting you a gift that wasn't on your registry.

Don't expect to make a profit. Don't expect people to give you a gift equal or greater in value than what you spend on inviting them to the wedding, and don't complain if they don't.

Unless it's a very casual wedding, guests should not be expected to help decorate or clean up. If they are expected to do this kind of thing, make sure they know that before they decide whether or not to accept the invitation.

Guests like short ceremonies.

Don't spend so much time and money on your wedding that the rest of life is empty as a result.

Do remember that vegetarians and children have functioning taste buds too.

Plenty of tasty food for everyone and you can't go wrong.

Oh god, definitely no 'receiving lines' or whatever they're called - they are excruciating and boring.
A friend of mine had one, (v. large amount of guests). The staff had been told to lay out the starters as soon as the guests started to move along the receiving line, which they did.
It took over an hour for everyone to shuffle through, it was a very hot day and the air con was inefficient at best.
Suffice to say that the starters (fish!) could have walked off the plates by themselves by the time everyone was seated
Oh, and another one I was at, the best man's wife joined in the receiving line (why?) - she and I absolutely HATED each other, (with very good reason), so there was a nice awkward moment when we glared at each other before each moving on to the next person .

Don't invite 50 people to your wedding then only invite 48 of them to the meal afterwards... The two that are excluded will feel hurt.

Don't give your guests cheap wine, whilst you drink the finest champagne.
Don't have your first dance to a song about a prositiute.
Don't stand up on the table after dinner and pull your wedding dress over head, just to prove you've waxed.

Dont have a meat only meal/buffet . ensure there is a decent vegetarian option

Don't make your bridesmaids wear 6 inch heels.
Don't fuss too much, be happy and enjoy it.
Don't leave your guests standing outside freezing while you have 2000 photos taken.
Don't invite only one half of a relationship-you've seen the threads.

If you only want a small wedding definitely go for that far flung destination.

Don't have your music so loud that half the guests escape outside to get away from the noise.

If you have disabled or elderly guests check that the lift is actually big enough to take a wheelchair and carer. I never even made it inside to one wedding venue as I couldn't fit into the lift and there were loads of stairs!