attending children's birthday parties, when you have no children of your own?

[poppyseedbagel]

So looking for a little advice, or perspective about this. I have taken a bit of a hump with one of my friends.

Basically, DH is friends with a large group of men who he has been close to since school. We were the first to be married in this group, however 4 of the men are now dads. We socialise regularly altogether (and have done for 5+ years), as a large group so I would consider the girlfriends and fiancees of DH's friends my own friends now too and we often do our own meet ups to go out for dinner or some drinks. The ones who are now parents often do their own meet ups, going to soft play together or having play dates in their own houses, without inviting along the ones without children which is fair enough.

However, one of the mums has a little boy who is turning one next week. DH had found out from his friend (little boys dad) months ago they were planning a huge party for this and the mum was going to a lot of effort including getting invitations professionally made and hiring dress up characters for the kids coming. We didn't think much of it, until the dad of the little boy mentioned today that it was on Saturday. We did not receive an invitation and have been told of no other details other than the fact of its this saturday. I am a little miffed, especially as I have found out that the professionally made invitations had indeed gone out, but only to those of the group with children. Mum of the little boy had even set up a facebook group chat including solely those who have children just to request their addresses to send out invitations.

DH did not see an issue with this, he seems to think that we are still invited as his friend had said to him about it. However, I see it as a deliberate snub of the mum who is the one actually planning the party. DH's friend had apparently said to her about this, and the fact there is another 5 couples without children who know none of the party details and considering it is this saturday, most will already have plans.

I am probably looking into this far too much, but I can't help but feel a little left out. We don't have a lot of opportunity to spend time with the kids in the group as most meet ups are adult only. And DH and I had discussed in great detail finding the perfect gift for the little boy as we do have a bit of a soft spot, and his dad was best man at our wedding 6 months ago.

AIBU or do I have genuine reason to be upset over this?

Could I just say I am slightly aghast that anyone would spend months planning an extravagant party for a ONE YEAR OLD! If the attending children are aged only 4 months to 2 years who on earth is going to be in the soft play anyway?

I can understand your reluctance to phone the wife and I agree, I don't think you should.

But your DH's friend runs the risk of being pretty upset if none of his buddies turn up, and he doesn't realise it's because you haven't been formally invited, so I still think your DH should tell him to check with his wife/partner so he at least has the full picture ahead of time.

DH is letting his friend know that we will be unable to make the party due to having made other arrangements first. His friend is well aware of us only finding out the date yesterday, so I think having made plans already is expected.

8 couples so 16 people plus two. That's a big group. I'd hate to feel I had to invite everyone to everything.

I though you already knew the date before yesterday? Or did you just know there was a party but not the actual date?

I also think you're over-thinking the "snubbing" thing - who knows if her DC is sleeping through the night even (mine weren't by then and I was exhausted beyond exhausted; also had had a bad run of illness over the winter with respiratory infections. No way did I want to go out anywhere in the evening, not even with really good friends. Which by your own admission, you're not. I steered well clear of anything non-essential for ages, and it certainly wasn't personal). And if she's breastfeeding, it'll be difficult to leave. Or she might just not want to be far from her DC yet. Or if she's back at work, she may be reluctant to give up precious evening time with her child. All sorts of possible reasons that are nothing personal. Give her time.

The only way a couple without children would have been invited to my DS's party was if they were his Godparents. Otherwise it wouldn't have occurred to me to ask them.

Lucky escape, can't think why you would want to go? I would see it as a compliment they didn't invite you, don't want to put you through the torture of it.
If you are really offended though you could always gate crash & shit in the part bags. That'll learn them for not inviting everyone to their childs birthday party!