Was I BU

[Flissypix]

I recently celebrated a big birthday. I HATE my birthday its always rubbish and I didn't want to do much but I agreed to celebrate but didn't want a party.
So on the day we had booked a meal for close family (17 of us.)
In the morning my mum bought me a present a coach handbag, its nice but not my style and I had never heard of the brand. Anyway I thanked her and told her it was lovely, but I didn't scream and whoop with joy. She asked me if I liked it I said yes, she asked me if I wanted to take it back I said no of course not. (I DO) She seemed disappointed that I wasn't over the moon. I don't think it helped that I thought she had put my 'real' present in the bag (she always hides presents) as I like I said I wasn't aware it was a special bag,so I opened it expecting something else!

Anyway we went out for dinner, my mum barely spoke to,as soon as we arrived at the bar she insisted we all moved into the dining area as she was tired and wanted to eat. She then rushed us through ordering, the meal and then announced she didn't want dessert and it was silly to have any as we had cake. The moment the main was finished she brought out the cake, sang happy birthday, got the bill and left taking with her the majority of the family. My two sisters left before the cake arrived to go to their friends party in another town(which I knew about but they said they were going much later as it was going on till 2am) I was left there with my DH and 2 DDs.We were supposed to all be going out for drink afterwards. So I went home at 9pm.

I should point out that out of 17 people at the table I have organised 10 of their big birthdays including big parties,surprise parties,themed/costume parties I have usually done all the food and paid for the majority as well. Including my mums last year and my sisters 2 weeks ago! Where I actually organised 2 seperate celebrations both which took a lot of time and effort. I didn't want a party I just wanted a nice meal followed by drinks nothing major just that.

So was I being unreasonable to not be delighted? and AIBU for feeling really hurt and disappointed that none of my very close family made an effort.
(Btw my DH bought me lovely presents and organised a small party with friends the night before and afternoon tea the day after)

Goldvelevt, even present givers who buy gifts to please the receiver will sometimes get it wrong, and to be told it's 'wrong' when you've tried so hard is crushing. (I've seen my SIL do it to my mother).

Of course people get it wrong that's what gift receipts are for And where I can I include them and don't put pressure on a recipient to love my gifts. Although i'm normally confident they'll like them but like to have a safety net if not.

Simply asking what someone would like normally helps quite a bit in these situations. Then listening to what they say seems to help wonders although I've come across many people that do this (ask people) only to get something wildly different and usually more expensive and proceed to be miffed when they aren't thrilled?

If you are crushed if someone doesn't like your gift then it shows that the gift was more about you than them.

Present giving isn't that hard. People do make it hard for themselves and others IMO. By lying (recipient) or not listening (giver).

limegold in one post you told me I should have both faked it better and offered a sincere thank you! I did say thank you a lot.
I did fake being happy I just didn't do a somersault. Lord help me IF I had actually said I didnt like it/wanted to return it.I would never hear the end of it, she would probably have cried.
She never picked anyone up my brother drove, I paid the bill!

Momagain- Nope she didn't at all before she gave me the present all was great. My Dh had bought me a present an experience present which was cancelled at the last minute on the morning. I was a bit disappointed but it was no ones fault so just laughed it off.She was there when that happened and she said don't worry we will go out and have a lovely evening etc etc.

OH OH OH!

This Mulberry advert is the reverse of this thread ....

Goldvelvet yes that's it she asked what I wanted then ignored it and then was upset I didn't respond to the gift she bought instead in the exact way she wanted.
If I bought something for someone and I got it wrong and they acted like I did I would feel bad FOR THEM and would offer (sincerly) to switch it for something else. My sister did this with a watch I bought her, I thought she would like it she was polite but underwhelmed and it was quite expensive so we went back the the jewellers and swopped it for one she liked. I would much rather she had a gift that she would use/wear/like then one that sits on her dressing table.

Just to add the only time I think you should fake is if someone makes something for you. Because that's an entirely different situations and is normally about the time and not the money and deserves heaps of gratitude.

Piranha- I think that is the response she wanted! If it had been a mulberry I would have at least known that one, still wouldn't have been on my list but I would have known that was the response.

Except maybe food..... as I know people who have lied to people about loving a certain food that they received once (shell chocolates) and receiving it for every birthday and christmas from that person for 10 years. And someone did the same about a meal at the in-laws and had to sit through that meal every time they visited for the whole of their marriage. Honestly is key

I get where you are coming from with the bag. I haven't got a clue what a coach is or what it costs. I don't do handbags. My entire family have never ever seen me with one.

If I got brought one (and I have been by DS) I would have said it is lovely and shove it (as I have done in the cupboard).

I would have been thinking WTF , trying to hide it and say gosh how lovely. Probably failing miserably to spare the givers feelings.

OP's mother must have some idea what her daughter likes. She is the one obsessed by handbags. It sounds like one of the occasions where she brought a present she would like to receive rather than a present her daughter would like to be given if that makes sense.

And it does sound like her mother was making a deliberate point with the meal. The courtesy of waiting until everyone has sat down completely passed her by. If she was that starving she could have had a bag of peanuts at the bar while people got their first drinks in. She was rude.

Barth - Id rather display a plastic dog than someone spent hundreds £s on something I didn't need/want/like (my garden used to have a rather fetching gnomb at one point!)

Gnome - have lost the ability to spell!!

I'm glad you came back and explained as I thought at first you were being ungrateful however yanbu. I'm sorry you didn't get to enjoy the family dinner properly, your mother was quite rude as were your siblings. I would never treat my sister/brothers in that way. I also don't like a big whooha made out of my birthday but it's nice to have something. I would not appreciate being rushed through dinner by anyone even my 3 yr old niece has better manners.