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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect dh to understand why I get up later

112 replies

lostinegypt · 23/02/2015 02:35

I'm so fed up with dh right now. We have a 5 week old baby who I am breastfeeding and a 4 year old who wakes at least once a night. I see to ds the majority of the time but if he wakes up whilst I am feeding the baby I have to wake dh up to put him back to bed. dh is always grumpy about this. We have just had a row about this and i told dh 'ffs u have had to get up once im up loads' to which he replied 'yes and u make sure u wake everyone else up' this is bs as dh is happily snoring away when the baby or ds wake up! he denied this then said but you sleep all day so u can take ds to nursery tomorrow. I dont sleep all day!! i get out of bed at approx 10am and dont sleep again for the rest of the day. I am usually awake around 6/7am feeding the baby and sometimes get up to put the washing on and load/ unload the dishwasher but then go back to bed. aibu to think dh should get up with ds in the morning so I can have a lie in?

OP posts:
DontTurnAround · 23/02/2015 15:53

FFS - you are letting yourself be walked over by this arsehole. Why the hell would you have 2 kids with someone like him? I despair.

Sootgremlin · 23/02/2015 16:27

My DH was perfectly capable of sharing the work while I breastfed - settling, bathing, housework, lie ins, playing with older child.

The only person who needs to change their routine is the DH, not OP or baby.

petalsandstars · 23/02/2015 17:38

If OP switches to bottles that will just add work for her.

No chance in hell that he would take turns

Jackieharris · 23/02/2015 21:07

Change the locks!

OP has 3 DCs not 2. What a pathetic excuse for a father. He doesn't deserve those kids.

I hope you've got your own bank account and no joint debts.

Is he even nice to you?

Get out, stay out and don't look back.

Artistic · 23/02/2015 22:39

My DH handles morning school runs for my 7 yr old while I tend to my 5 month old. This along with a full time job that he has. I usually wake up with the baby - be it all night, 7am or 10am. Once when he asked me if I can wake sooner, I asked him to manage the baby for 1 night & wake me for feeds as needed. Needless to say he was fast asleep until 11am next morning with just 2 feeds in the night. Never again did he ask me that question! Grin

Sadly my baby now wakes sooner & sooner & I have no choice but to wake up with her. I'd say you enjoy it for long as it lasts & you need it. If your DH has a dose of a single night he might appreciate your situation much better!

realgonekid84 · 24/02/2015 07:00

All this why have a child with stuff is unnecessary. My dh was fine with 1st 2. Would get up with eldest when 2nd one came along and did a full time job. (she was a fairly good sleeper though) Had a complete transformation when unplanned 3rd came along. Sorry I don't have a crystal ball. Maybe it was the same for op and he was better with 1st. Time for a serious chat op and good luck.

MissDuke · 24/02/2015 07:24

Op, whose idea was it that he gave up work? Was he ok with it? Is he ok with being known as a SAHD? Does he have history of this (eg going ot the pub when you are out with the children). I am presuming no, when you decided to have two children with him - or is it only hitting home to you now due to the exhaustion? I am wondering if he could be depressed?

Sorry for all the questions, but it really peeves me off to see all the calls of 'cocklodger' (vile word) when we don't know his side.

ApocalypseThen · 24/02/2015 10:14

Yes, trying to bully a woman who had a baby five weeks ago and is now breast feeding through the night into maximum productivity probably has a persuasive other side.

Original poster
lostinegypt · 24/02/2015 14:19

Just had yet another row with dh :(
asked him if he could do the ironing this afternoon whilst I am out and he said no! I said I always do all the ironing and asked again. He said no again. I got cross and said the ironing is for YOUR children. Again no. So we had a row. He said are you going to br doing somme cooking then. I said you cooking for yourself and my dad doesn't count. I said will you take ds to his swimming lesson then. He said no you started that off if you want him to go you take him. I said you do fuck all and mentioned what I did yesterday and what he did. His answer - you have only just started doing stuff. Ffs ik sorry that I was hheavily pregnant with YOUR son and was feeling crap and prior to thst I was leaving for work at 5.30am and returning at 5pm whilst ds was FULL TIME at preschool!!!I said I am on maternity leave and im breastfeeding our 5 week old babt. He had the cheek to say exactly maternity leave the clue is in the name. I asked.what he meant by this and he said you are meant to look after your children not papm them iff every chance you get. Im livid!! He then said he is thinking about leaving i told him to do it. i dobt care anymore. told him he is being a dick and doesnt know how easy he has it so goos luck with that with him having no place to live, bo job and no moneu

OP posts:
ApocalypseThen · 24/02/2015 14:23

Well I'm sure the aggravation is the last thing you need right now, but good for you. Also, maternity leave - the clue is indeed in the name. It's recovering from birth and caring for a newborn. All other tasks are out for some time.

Original poster
lostinegypt · 24/02/2015 14:24

oh and im fucking knacked today. not only was i breastfeeding baby through the night agsin but ds got up 4 times in the night and that lazy twat didnt get up once!! beyond mad!!

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 24/02/2015 14:31

That man is neither use nor ornament. He sounds incredibly lazy and selfish. If he were my husband he'd have to shape up or ship out.

kitchentableagain · 24/02/2015 14:43

I'm the SAHP. I get up to them in the night (and I don't get a lie in for it - if he gets up with dc1 in the night he still has to get up to give dc1 breakfast and take them to nursery!). It's his job.

Halogenaque · 24/02/2015 14:50

Christ sorry to be a MN cliche but LTB! What a cunt.

ImperialBlether · 24/02/2015 14:57

Trouble is that if she leaves him he can claim residency because he's the SAHP. She could end up paying him child support and leaving him in the marital home.

HouseAtreides · 24/02/2015 14:59

You are already doing everything, just with the added arse ache of a complete twat dragging you down and making you feel like crap. LTB

HazleNutt · 24/02/2015 15:01

Oh wow. So it's your job to take care of your children. And his job as a Stay at home parent is what exactly, sit on his arse?

LittleBairn · 24/02/2015 15:03

He's not doing anything that I would consider SAHP duties, he doesn't help take care of the house or the children.

Basically he's just an unemployed bloke, I would ask him when he was planning on going to the job center because if he can't work in the home then he needs to find a job working outside of the home.

ApocalypseThen · 24/02/2015 15:03

He's the foreman.

realgonekid84 · 24/02/2015 15:24

you should say. you're the sahp. The clue is in the name! You really will be better off without him.

Lweji · 24/02/2015 15:34

Even if you divorce him, he is not the type to actually want to take care of the children. I suspect you'll be safe there.

petalsandstars · 24/02/2015 16:03

If you kick him out now you've got a year of ml. Don't let him spoil it

Kitsmummy · 24/02/2015 16:21

Op, he sounds like an UTTER CUNT. Really, your life would be so much easier if you weren't with him Sad

MinceSpy · 24/02/2015 16:37

OP your husband is telling you he is unhappy in your relationship and bitterly angry at the division of chores/ being a sahp. You both need to talk. If he wants to be a sahp he shapes up, if he would rather work he gets a job or if he doesn't want to do either he goes now. You would then have your maternity leave to sort things out. What do you want?

jackydanny · 24/02/2015 16:43

I had a friend who went through similar, tried to claim he was the sahp but friend evidenced f/t nursery that she paid for, and mostly dropped off and picked up while he was unemployed.

Things will ease off as children get older but is this really who you want to spend your life with OP?