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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect dh to understand why I get up later

112 replies

lostinegypt · 23/02/2015 02:35

I'm so fed up with dh right now. We have a 5 week old baby who I am breastfeeding and a 4 year old who wakes at least once a night. I see to ds the majority of the time but if he wakes up whilst I am feeding the baby I have to wake dh up to put him back to bed. dh is always grumpy about this. We have just had a row about this and i told dh 'ffs u have had to get up once im up loads' to which he replied 'yes and u make sure u wake everyone else up' this is bs as dh is happily snoring away when the baby or ds wake up! he denied this then said but you sleep all day so u can take ds to nursery tomorrow. I dont sleep all day!! i get out of bed at approx 10am and dont sleep again for the rest of the day. I am usually awake around 6/7am feeding the baby and sometimes get up to put the washing on and load/ unload the dishwasher but then go back to bed. aibu to think dh should get up with ds in the morning so I can have a lie in?

OP posts:

MrsTawdry · 23/02/2015 11:46

Poor OP. She's not been back. She's probably shocked at all the confirmation that her partner's not being nice at all.

Original poster

lostinegypt · 23/02/2015 11:48

to answer what does dh do with ds when he isnt at nursery.
I take ds and baby out for tea then ds has a swimming lesson. dh doesn't come.
I take ds and baby to the library once a week. dh doesnt come.
I take baby to water babies and dh takes ds swimming at the same time.
If we take ds to a soft play place dh goes to the pub, for a wander round town etc for the majority of time ds is there. I sit in the cafe/play place with baby and watch ds.

OP posts:

MrsTawdry · 23/02/2015 11:53

WHy don't you do something about him OP? Lay down the law!

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 23/02/2015 11:53

Oh OP that sounds miserable - how does he think that it is acceptable to be so unengaged and down right lazy when he's supposed to be a SAHP? YANB even the slightest bit U.

ilikepie · 23/02/2015 11:53

oh lost even your last post shows you know he isn't pulling his weight. You poor thing. I think you need to get tough on him and if he doesn't like it then you probably would be better off without him. easy for me to type i know, but he really does come across as a spoilt man-child waste of space.

Mrsjayy · 23/02/2015 12:30

Och that sounds rubbish and lonely poor you he needs a kick up the backside

Oldraver · 23/02/2015 12:43

Is there actually any point to him being at home at all ?

Itsgoingtoreindeer · 23/02/2015 12:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

juliej75 · 23/02/2015 13:23

And so fucking what even if you were sleeping all day as well as staying in bed til 10am? For 9 months you were growing a child in you, then a mere month ago you gave birth. In my experience, both need serious recovery time.

Please don't doubt yourself and your need for a lie in. He's not going to look after you, so make sure you do it for yourself

Lweji · 23/02/2015 13:29

You need an ultimatum here, and to be prepared to kick him out if he doesn't step up.

Meanwhile get evidence (witnesses) that you are actually the parent who does everything.

magoria · 23/02/2015 13:31

Wake him up every time you breastfeed or other DC gets up for a week or so.

Mrsteddyruxpin · 23/02/2015 13:37

Oh my god.

I can't believe what you are putting up with at all

Fairylea · 23/02/2015 13:51

I feel really sad for you. This is an awful situation and he is a total cocklodger. At this stage he should be taking on the majority of childcare and all the housework while you recover from the birth - at this stage you could have had a c section and still be recovering from major surgery.

bigbluestars · 23/02/2015 13:51

Cocklodger.

PenguinVox · 23/02/2015 13:55

YANBU. When i was breastfeeding my second baby, my DH would go to our toddler if she woke and he never complained about it.
I did all the night feeds/wakings when we just had one baby but it is completely different when you have 2 plus kids to when you just have one baby!

expatinscotland · 23/02/2015 14:10

Your partner is a lazy cocklodger.

ThunderAndFrightening · 23/02/2015 14:27

WTF he is a lazy arse.

Sounds like you need a frank discussion, hard to have when you're sleep deprived I know. Maybe start with ... 'Now, we're settling in to life with two DCs let's talk about who does what' and then talk about what is a reasonable division of childcare as household jobs now and when you go back to work. I'm guessing it isn't just since you've been on mat leave that you've done the lions share of all child and house related stuff??

Sootgremlin · 23/02/2015 14:57

Seen your update.

for you OP.

You know that's not how it's meant to be, don't you?

ApocalypseThen · 23/02/2015 15:07

Is he now your at home line manager measuring your productivity or what business is it of his how long you rest on maternity leave? He needs to get himself some kind of an interest rather than having so much time for pointless meddling in things that don't concern him.

For what it's worth, I think 10am is far too early for you to rise given the amount of sleep you're getting.

NeedABumChange · 23/02/2015 15:14

Why would you have a 2nd child with a man who does nothing with the first?

Purplepoodle · 23/02/2015 15:23

Why is he spending no time at all with u and the kids. My OH was a sahd, wasn't amazing at it but took eldest to swimming lessons or we all went. Stayed in softplay with us. Why on earth wouldn't he want to go for dinner with u and the kids

Halogenaque · 23/02/2015 15:25

I'm appalled! I feel hard done by with my life but DH is a fecking Saint compared. Poor you. I'd spend a few days writing a list of exactly what you do and what he does so you can show him very clearly.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/02/2015 15:26

A better question is why someone would have a second child when they don't want to raise them, hang out with them, work for them and be kind and respectful of their partner. But I suppose we don't have the OP's partner here, do we?

nottheOP · 23/02/2015 15:31

I'd bottle feed and take turns.

Humansatnav · 23/02/2015 15:44

He is being a cockwomble and your letting him.

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