J'Accuse... I do not believe a sizeable minority on here when they say "I blah blah blah"

[Salmotrutta]

E.g. :-
"I cook from scratch" - I hate "from scratch". We used to say "everything was homemade".

And those of you who state "homemade potato wedges" ? ...yeah, I'm impressed. So that would be some potatoes shoved in the oven then?

I'm a totally shite mum by MN standards. Do I care? Do I hell!!

Spare I too am a veteran of Ketchip scalds. It was so worth it though. 80's food was brilliant no additives spared.,

Oh, a healthy set of double-standards is vital to getting on MN I find.

My DSs never, ever expressed an interest in wearing anything princess related, Disney or otherwise - where did I go wrong as a parent?

Dc just had choc milkshake with breakfast - one then had coco pops, one had weetabix with chocolate bits and the other had porridge with hot choc powder sprinkled on top (but of a chocolate theme). Mn would hate me. They'll almost certainly have squash later and left over birthday cake (that was homemade so do I get mn points? Decorated wroth sweets though so I'll probably lose them immediately).
I started as a mum who refused dd biscuits and squash for 3 years. She's now underweight and has issues with food. Dtds eat everything in moderation and are much healthier. I also stopped giving a crap what others thought.

I'm a lazy slob on the weekends if we don't have plans and commitments. A trip to McDonalds is quite likely. Six hours of telly, very likely. Sweets, chocolates, wine (for me not my dc, I'm not that bad), 100% definite.

Well my DS who is 10 is currently into rainbow everything and seriously obsessed with unicorns. I don't know how this has happened, because I have always forced Marvel and Doctor Who related items on him. Sadly though he doesn't seem interested in dresses. Where did I go wrong?!?

Oh all those judgy threads about ipads! Crazy in this day and age. If I give DD a book she tries to eat it.

I am by baby led weaning. Like if you give pureed food it's somehow lacking. What's wrong with good old fashioned mush?

On the odd occasion I might blend a banana for breakfast if I can be bothered but so far DD seems to love her sachets and jars of food just as much. I'm such a good parent I let her eat all the fruit flavours she wants and laugh when she spits out cauliflower at great speed. And ends up wearing the stuff rather than eating it.

Although I am a sucker for Ella's Kitchen, the branding totally gets me. And it's organic dontcha know. So therefore I am the most epic mum ever and the fact I buy organic premade baby food negates the fact I rarely make her food from 'scratch'!

Oh and the only way she will take water is if DH squirts it into her mouth from the bottle in the manner of playing with food and drink shame.

Baby led weaning? Pfft.

< puts more gin on the cornflakes >

Excellent. 6 pages overnight!

I worried the arse off myself in DD's first year.

I have found giving fewer fucks makes me a better parent.

We are currently in bed together watching mister maker. DH has trotted off to deliver me coffee and dd probably some sweeties or and ice lolly. It makes us all very happy to start Sundays this way

The baby led weaning FB group is just a blood bath.

I let DS feed himself the majority of the time, but quite frankly I am not making porridge fingers or letting him smear soup or yoghurt in every orifice. That's when I like to use a great invention called a SPOON.

But when I joined the BLW group I was told that was very remiss of me.

Dd went through a phase of only eating ellas kitchen pouches squeezed straight into her mouth. I was so frantic about it that I took her to the doctors twice!

First doc gave her a wee check over and smiled reassuringly. Second doc did face and said "maybe she just likes it that way"

I learned to be smug about the lack of mess.

And yes, I remember the baby led weaning caterpillar party.

It took me several goes at staring at the linked picture to not read 'The Very Hungry Caterpillar'
'Hungover Caterpillar' just Did Not Compute…
V good.

This thread has more posts than the squash one.

Can you cycle? We are a family of 12 who all cycle together everywhere. It's saves so much. I can't understand how anyone affords a car. So bad for the environment. Have you tried growing your own or getting an allotment? We are mortgage-free vegans who homeschool in central London and DH and I never drink or smoke. Have you tried selling your tablets or phone on Gumtree? We use an abacus and megaphone and our lives are so much nicer for it.

I remember a HV advising BLW saying that she had heard back from lots of mummies who were getting excellent results.

Now come on. We all know what the results of weaning. Spoon or finger or otherwise and the results are, literally, a load of shite.

passmethecrisps but that is quite genius! I did not think of the tidiness element. I actually suggested to dh we just feed her straight from the sachet but he gave me a look like I was a crazed woman. This however might persuade him

People are judgy about using a spoon to wean a baby??? off to look for the FB group in manner of horrified fascination

I've just opened DD's school bag for the first time since Thursday 12th February and she has home work...

This parenting lark is a piece of piss

It is a good thread. Thank you for starting it Salmo and allowing us more ahem... lax parents to crawl out of the woodwork.

I admit if I see a thread boring on about 'screen time' I hide it. When did parenting become so hard? Why does everything have to have a label? When really we're all just muddling along the best we can.

Cloth bum makes me boak, one parenting forum had signatures and they were all like this:

~~ Charlotte, Mummy to Alfie and Daisy, Cloth Bummed, Breastfed, BLW, Lotus Birth, Baby Wearing, Attachment Parenting ~~

Honestly! Why?

Posters that debate whether to give 1 or 2 biscuits a week to their child and fume when a stranger/MIL etc gives them a sweet that wasn't scheduled into their diet.
Then talk about wine o'clock, how they're addicted to diet coke/cream eggs etc.

Threads about DC that have to do loads of activities and have limits on their screen time when you know OP spend half their free time on MN.

Giving kids coke to drink. Bad

Cooking your Gammon in coke in the fucking slow cooker. Good.

Omg expat yes yes yes! The cycling thing! Well your whole post is spot on really but I know you've copied and pasted it from somewhere because I have seen actual posters saying those exact things. Sanctimonious and oh so head tilty. Bet they're the ones cadging lifts here there and everywhere all the while yammering on about the environment and crude oil and carbon footprints, it's ok for others to subsidise you though, yes?

love this thread.

A friend of mine shared on facebook an article about reuseable toilet paper. And then proceeded to explain how simple it is to use once you have a system. How did I get friends like this? I put empty wine bottles in the bin because I can't be bothered taking them to the bottle bank.

Don't get me wrong, I have chums who use slings, washable nappies, eat only organic, limit screen time etc etc. They are lovely and non-judgemental and awesome. Each to their own and do as you will.

They are not the type who reply to a woman posting that she has 4 kids under 3 and hasn't slept more than 20 mins at a time for 4 years with a husband who works 283738 hours a week "have you tried a sling?" "What about co-sleeping?" "A slow cooker?"

Reusable loo paper [vomit face]. Like reusable sanitary towels. I don't want a system. Shudders.