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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want a cleaner even though I only work part time?

104 replies

fuddleduck · 21/02/2015 16:19

I work three days a week (leave at 7am get home about 5pm) and DH works full time Mon-Fri (he leaves at 7am and gets home between 7pm and 8pm usually) but also regularly brings work home on weekends. I also occasionally have to bring work home on weekends but not as often as DH. While my job is great in terms of hours and I love it, it is emotionally draining and has a reputation for being a stressful field to work in. Lately I am starting to feel quite overwhelmed by the competing demands of work, looking after a toddler, and trying to keep the house in some kind of order.

I am becoming increasingly stressed out and annoyed with myself about my failure to keep on top of the housework. I am finding it impossible to clean the house properly on my days off with a DD. She will entertain herself for just about long enough to load the dishwasher, do a load of laundry, have a quick tidy round the living room etc but that's about it. She's only 15 months so not enough that I can just stick her in front of a DVD and crack on with cleaning the house.

Consequently, a lot of things get left until the weekend when one of us can look after DD while the other gets on with the cleaning. I am starting to resent this as the weekends are the only time we have together as a family due to DH's working hours and most of it gets taken up with jobs like cleaning, ironing, admin, DIY, batch cooking for the week etc. I also feel guilty because whenever DH suggests going out and doing something nice at the weekend my initial response is "I can't, I need to clean the house!". I dread people dropping round unexpectedly and if we have guests coming over we're both running round like headless chickens trying to sort the house out and it sort of takes the enjoyment out of it for me to be honest. DH is always trying to get me to take time for myself and I do crave a bit of alone time these days but I can't relax and enjoy it as there is always something that needs doing. DH is great, very willing to help out around the house but he doesn't have a lot of time and also he doesn't seem to notice the mess as much as me so he'll say "it's fine" when in my mind the place looks like a tip.

I am so tempted to throw money at the problem (even though we're not exactly wealthy) and get a cleaner. I keep thinking about how much it would reduce my stress and although it might be expensive I think I'd rather cut back on other things and not have to worry about the housework while DD is little. Even just a fortnightly clean would take the pressure off. I've thought about all the things in my life that are causing me stress at the moment and come to the conclusion that this is the only thing that I can outsource iyswim.

Would I be ridiculously lazy, entitled etc. to consider this even though i'm at home two days a week? I do realise there are probably lots of people on here who have 3+ small children, work full time, cook everything from scratch and manage to keep a clean house without help so I am prepared to be told IABU and to just get on with it!

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 21/02/2015 16:22

I work three days a week and after months and months and months of arguing and pleading with DH about getting a cleaner he has finally relented Grin Grin

We are having a huge deep clean done the week after next and I can't wait!!!!

Nothing wrong with throwing money at the problem Grin

Cabrinha · 21/02/2015 16:23

This will sound rude, though I don't mean it to!
But - what a pointlessly long post!

You want a cleaner. Get a cleaner. It's that simple.

thewavesofthesea · 21/02/2015 16:27

I work part time and have a cleaner. Why justify it with a bunch of strangers? If you want one and can afford one then get one!!

Siennasun · 21/02/2015 16:27

Agree with Cabrinha.

YWNBU to get a cleaner if you didn't work and had no children. It's your money, spend it how you want.

KeepsTrying · 21/02/2015 16:27

I work part-time (technically 2 days a week but it can be anything from 20 - 30 hours depending on my work-load). I have a cleaner (4 hours fortnight), I have a gardener (once a month during the growing season) and someone else who cuts the grass and I don't have a toddler (school age children)! I don't feel even mildly guilty. The amount of domestic duties that we pay someone else to do is way less than the amount of paid work I do...but even if it wasn't I wouldn't feel guilty, as long as I felt it was the right thing to do.
Just do what is right for you and your family at this moment in time.

ISpyPlumPie · 21/02/2015 16:28

YANBU. I could have written your post (except youngest DC is now 2) - I work pt Wed-Fri in emotionally draining, stressful job,often have to bring stuff home,DH full time in same stressful field etc etc and we have a cleaner. She comes once a week for three hours. Obviously it doesn't solve everything and still seem to find myself doing a bit of the headless chicken thing, but it means the basics are sorted and it has definitely freed up some more time for me to spend with DC.

Go for it Smile

TwoLittleTerrors · 21/02/2015 16:29

Get a cleaner if you can afford it. Why is it entitled?

Brandnewattitude · 21/02/2015 16:29

Why the guilt? Get a cleaner.

ChipDip · 21/02/2015 16:32

What a long post! Get one if you want, why do you need strangers to approve it ?

Purplecircle · 21/02/2015 16:33

It's a no brainer...get a cleaner

bonzo77 · 21/02/2015 16:33

I work one day. DH works 5 days: out of the house 7am till 7.30 pm. 2 DCs. Pregnant. We have a cleaner. No guilt. Have done since we were married, though stopped while on mat leave with DS1 and reinstated when about 6 months preg with DS2.

woowoo22 · 21/02/2015 16:34

Do it, do it, do it.

BallsforEarrings · 21/02/2015 16:34

YADNBU this is the kind of situation the cleaning industry is mainly for - to give adults more time together at weekends!

The vast amount of our clients are in your shoes, I used to be in your shoes myself which gave me the idea for my own cleaning business.

How can families operate effectively with all the pressures of modern life upon them, nobody can do everything and not burn out.

My advice is go for it - just make sure the service you hire is trading legally, ask if they are insured and registered as either self-employed or a company to make sure they are paying tax otherwise you will have the legal liability hanging over you.

A good cleaning service can save your sanity, we are always fully-booked until we hire and train again, almost everyone we serve is in the situation you describe. Some of our clients are not well-off they just choose us above other luxuries they could choose instead. This doesn't make them 'entitled' - I would call it 'survival' and the clients do too!

It's hard to find a good service that is not booked-up but ask friends who they use and see if they have a place for you.

AppleSnapple · 21/02/2015 16:35

If you fancy one, and can afford one, get one- it's not a big deal! I work 2 (long) days. I have one, and my house is still a state most of the time... No helping some people Grin

Cantdecideondinner · 21/02/2015 16:36

I had a cleaner twice a week when I was a SAHM. Work part time now and have a cleaner and an ironer and a gardener every 2 weeks.

Jacana · 21/02/2015 16:37

I don't have a job except some seasonal stuff and the season hasn't started yet, , live alone, moved to much smaller property, still hate cleaning, so I don't do it. Local co.send in two ladies for 2hrs once a month, job done.

Unrepentantly happy Grin

tinkerbellvspredator · 21/02/2015 16:40

We had a cleaner before we had kids, while I was on maternity leave and when DH was SAHD. We could clean if we wanted to but we don't. We have more than enough to do with laundry, tidying, cooking, DIY. Get a bloody cleaner. And I hope you don't do any ironing either!

blacktreaclecat · 21/02/2015 16:40

I work 2 days and have a cleaner. I don't enjoy cleaning and tbh find it difficult to get much done with a 2 year old in tow. Not sure why it would be unreasonable, if you can afford it.

FortyFacedFuckers · 21/02/2015 16:43

Honestly I would just do it. I work 4 days and have a 9 year old and would do it if I could.

MamaLazarou · 21/02/2015 16:46

YANBU

'Days off with DD' aren't really days off, are they? You can't really clean and look after a toddler at the same time.

If you're using an agency, check first that they are paying their staff a decent wage (many don't). Otherwise, hire someone yourself.

Pagwatch · 21/02/2015 16:47

It's not a moral issue. You don't get brownie points for being knackered stressed but still hoovering.
Get a cleaner.

Bodicea · 21/02/2015 16:49

I work two days and have a cleaner. I can afford it. I hate cleaning. I would rather be doing fun stuff with my 15 month old than cleaning the bathroom. Just do it.

Pagwatch · 21/02/2015 16:50

I don't work at all and my DC are in school .
Mwahahahaha

Feminine · 21/02/2015 16:51

Of course you should.

AmateurSeamstress · 21/02/2015 16:51

When my youngest started school, my DH suggested I now had time to source a cleaner!

I still haven't done it but that's my problem. Do it.

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