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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want a cleaner even though I only work part time?

104 replies

fuddleduck · 21/02/2015 16:19

I work three days a week (leave at 7am get home about 5pm) and DH works full time Mon-Fri (he leaves at 7am and gets home between 7pm and 8pm usually) but also regularly brings work home on weekends. I also occasionally have to bring work home on weekends but not as often as DH. While my job is great in terms of hours and I love it, it is emotionally draining and has a reputation for being a stressful field to work in. Lately I am starting to feel quite overwhelmed by the competing demands of work, looking after a toddler, and trying to keep the house in some kind of order.

I am becoming increasingly stressed out and annoyed with myself about my failure to keep on top of the housework. I am finding it impossible to clean the house properly on my days off with a DD. She will entertain herself for just about long enough to load the dishwasher, do a load of laundry, have a quick tidy round the living room etc but that's about it. She's only 15 months so not enough that I can just stick her in front of a DVD and crack on with cleaning the house.

Consequently, a lot of things get left until the weekend when one of us can look after DD while the other gets on with the cleaning. I am starting to resent this as the weekends are the only time we have together as a family due to DH's working hours and most of it gets taken up with jobs like cleaning, ironing, admin, DIY, batch cooking for the week etc. I also feel guilty because whenever DH suggests going out and doing something nice at the weekend my initial response is "I can't, I need to clean the house!". I dread people dropping round unexpectedly and if we have guests coming over we're both running round like headless chickens trying to sort the house out and it sort of takes the enjoyment out of it for me to be honest. DH is always trying to get me to take time for myself and I do crave a bit of alone time these days but I can't relax and enjoy it as there is always something that needs doing. DH is great, very willing to help out around the house but he doesn't have a lot of time and also he doesn't seem to notice the mess as much as me so he'll say "it's fine" when in my mind the place looks like a tip.

I am so tempted to throw money at the problem (even though we're not exactly wealthy) and get a cleaner. I keep thinking about how much it would reduce my stress and although it might be expensive I think I'd rather cut back on other things and not have to worry about the housework while DD is little. Even just a fortnightly clean would take the pressure off. I've thought about all the things in my life that are causing me stress at the moment and come to the conclusion that this is the only thing that I can outsource iyswim.

Would I be ridiculously lazy, entitled etc. to consider this even though i'm at home two days a week? I do realise there are probably lots of people on here who have 3+ small children, work full time, cook everything from scratch and manage to keep a clean house without help so I am prepared to be told IABU and to just get on with it!

OP posts:
Momagain1 · 21/02/2015 21:58

Get a cleaner. You arent buying just cleaning, you are buying back you (and dh's, and dc's) limited time at home together, rather than wasting it on housecleaning and being stressed about housecleaning.

SpringTimeIsComing · 21/02/2015 21:58

I have a cleaner and I'm a SAHM. I LITERALLY don't know anyone who doesn't have a cleaner!

Lots of people don't have cleaners for various reasons! I LITERALLY find your post quite rude.

I PERSONALLY note the use of capitals to get my point across to you mummyluce have a lot of friends who don't need nor want a cleaner. It's not a bloody status symbol.

Momagain1 · 21/02/2015 22:06

Why, samsam? Where do you draw the line on services purchased that you /dh could do for yourselves? Do you garden? Can your produce? Bake your own bread? Sew your own clothes? Knit your own socks?

People don't think twice if the man of the house doesn't do manly tasks like car maintenance, gardening, house-painting, a little roof repair now and again. But let a woman hire a traditionally woman's task out, and she is lazy.

TheRestofmylifeiswaiting · 21/02/2015 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheRestofmylifeiswaiting · 21/02/2015 22:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QOD · 21/02/2015 22:46

I'm with you. It was dh s suggestion that we get a cleaner as I went on holiday wwithout him and Dd 3 times within 5 weeks hehe and he found it impossible
I have 2.daya off a week and Dd is 16 nut we have someone come every other week for 2 hours.
in fact I'm having shoulder surgery next week so she's coming weekly for a month

life is too short.
She does our downstairs, we have 3 reception rooms, downstairs bath aand large hall and kitchen and now I just poke the hoover round downstairs and keep on top of kitchen and loo etc

also have a.roomba

RevealTheHiddenBeach · 21/02/2015 22:49

sorry to hijack op, but... We have no children but dh works full time and I am a trainee teacher about to take on my own class. The state of the house is driving me nuts. am I allowed to get a cleaner too?

MustChooseASecondary · 21/02/2015 22:53

Get a cleaner.

There is no moral high ground in cleaning your own house. Time is the most precious thing we all have. It makes sense to spend your money in ways that give you more time than it does to save your money but waste your time.

It's your money. Spend it in ways that make you happy.

MustChooseASecondary · 21/02/2015 22:54

Reveal, if you can afford a cleaner, and you want a cleaner. Get a cleaner.

MrsTedCrilly · 21/02/2015 23:15

Yanbu! Don't compare yourself to others Smile Your fb friend might have had 10 redbulls and a sleeping toddler while she was domestic goddessing, but she won't mention that! Wink Can't stand braggers on there, my life is tons happier without it.

wartsnall · 22/02/2015 00:21

If you want a cleaner and can afford it then get one - No need to justify it to anyone.

Bluecarrot · 22/02/2015 00:33

Haven't read more than your title and a skim of first paragraph but honestly, if you can afford it, get a cleaner.
I'm a SAHM and getting a cleaner in to do a one off deep clean. I shouldnt need to but I want to, I can afford it ( not loaded, but I consider this value for money!) and will happily ignore any judgey pants hoiking!

Runnyhunny · 22/02/2015 08:02

Why on earth do you feel you have to justify getting a cleaner?

LaLaLaaaa · 22/02/2015 08:05

If you want a cleaner you go ahead! You don't need anyone's permission :)

Hell, I'd pay someone to do everything for me if I could afford it!

ifgrandmahadawilly · 22/02/2015 08:06

If you can get a cleaner, get a cleaner! There's nothing worthy about domestic drudgery. I wouldn't think twice about it if I had the money. Think how much boredom and stress you will save yourself.

Trickydecision · 22/02/2015 08:24

you might all be able to afford cleaners and gardeners window cleaners but I think its just laziness to get someone else to do it

I'm retired and have kept on the cleaner we had when I was working because I am lazy. What's so awful about being lazy? I love it.

Iloveweetos · 22/02/2015 08:30

Get a cleaner! They are amazing. I had one in my maternity leave lol mainly to build up trust etc for when I go back to work but mostly cos I'm terrible at housework

Pagwatch · 22/02/2015 08:33

" samsam123
you might all be able to afford cleaners and gardeners window cleaners but I think its just laziness to get someone else to do it"

Hmmm.
Having a nice life or caring what some random on the Internet thinks?

What shall I do. It's so hard when someone just wants everyone to be as miserable as them?
Actually I'll do what I like.

EternalBeauPlate · 22/02/2015 08:33

What's lazy about having no time to clean because of working lots of and/or and having small children? Surely the point is you are too busy doing stuff to do it? Hmm

Writerwannabe83 · 22/02/2015 08:52

Is ordering a take out or going out for a meal because you can't be bothered to cook lazy too?

If so I'm very frequently lazy Smile

When I go to work I'm out the house for 15 hours and so on my days off I'm beyond shattered with a 1 year old to look after. I'm not too lazy to clean, I'm just too busy Grin

Pagwatch · 22/02/2015 09:03

There's no point responding to the 'lazy' comments. She far too busy cleaning her grouting to post.

MrsThor · 22/02/2015 09:49

of course its fine, I work part time from home and still have a cleaner

Although perhaps if I wasn't spending so much time reading mumsnet........

DraggingDownDownDown · 22/02/2015 10:00

I work two days a week and have school age children. I have a cleaner once a week and she also takes the ironing home with her to do.

I love it. I would much rather work one hour extra in my job to pay her to do her job.

She is my "20 fags and bottle of wine" per week i.e MY indulgent and treat.

However - if we got financially tight then she would also be the first thing to go

Feminine · 22/02/2015 11:30

Of course... Of course... Of course you get one.
Life is really tough, even with a comfortable salary.

It isn't worth not doing what you want!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 22/02/2015 15:22

Isn't one of the benefits of working is that you can pay someone to do stuff??

Why would working people want to spend precious free time on something neither of you enjoy doing??

Some people Confused like being martyrs... Get up before they go to bed, lock t'road clean etc etc Grin

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