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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want a cleaner even though I only work part time?

104 replies

fuddleduck · 21/02/2015 16:19

I work three days a week (leave at 7am get home about 5pm) and DH works full time Mon-Fri (he leaves at 7am and gets home between 7pm and 8pm usually) but also regularly brings work home on weekends. I also occasionally have to bring work home on weekends but not as often as DH. While my job is great in terms of hours and I love it, it is emotionally draining and has a reputation for being a stressful field to work in. Lately I am starting to feel quite overwhelmed by the competing demands of work, looking after a toddler, and trying to keep the house in some kind of order.

I am becoming increasingly stressed out and annoyed with myself about my failure to keep on top of the housework. I am finding it impossible to clean the house properly on my days off with a DD. She will entertain herself for just about long enough to load the dishwasher, do a load of laundry, have a quick tidy round the living room etc but that's about it. She's only 15 months so not enough that I can just stick her in front of a DVD and crack on with cleaning the house.

Consequently, a lot of things get left until the weekend when one of us can look after DD while the other gets on with the cleaning. I am starting to resent this as the weekends are the only time we have together as a family due to DH's working hours and most of it gets taken up with jobs like cleaning, ironing, admin, DIY, batch cooking for the week etc. I also feel guilty because whenever DH suggests going out and doing something nice at the weekend my initial response is "I can't, I need to clean the house!". I dread people dropping round unexpectedly and if we have guests coming over we're both running round like headless chickens trying to sort the house out and it sort of takes the enjoyment out of it for me to be honest. DH is always trying to get me to take time for myself and I do crave a bit of alone time these days but I can't relax and enjoy it as there is always something that needs doing. DH is great, very willing to help out around the house but he doesn't have a lot of time and also he doesn't seem to notice the mess as much as me so he'll say "it's fine" when in my mind the place looks like a tip.

I am so tempted to throw money at the problem (even though we're not exactly wealthy) and get a cleaner. I keep thinking about how much it would reduce my stress and although it might be expensive I think I'd rather cut back on other things and not have to worry about the housework while DD is little. Even just a fortnightly clean would take the pressure off. I've thought about all the things in my life that are causing me stress at the moment and come to the conclusion that this is the only thing that I can outsource iyswim.

Would I be ridiculously lazy, entitled etc. to consider this even though i'm at home two days a week? I do realise there are probably lots of people on here who have 3+ small children, work full time, cook everything from scratch and manage to keep a clean house without help so I am prepared to be told IABU and to just get on with it!

OP posts:
YouAreHavingAGiraffe · 21/02/2015 17:01

I have 2DC in primary school. I've just started a job 3 days a week, school hours. I got a cleaner sorted the moment I accepted the job.

YADNBU

Only1scoop · 21/02/2015 17:02

Yanbu ....sounds like a brilliant idea.

YouAreHavingAGiraffe · 21/02/2015 17:04

I have 2DC in primary school. I've just started an extremely non-stressful part time job, 3 days a week, school hours.

I organised a cleaner the moment I accepted the job.

YANBU.

YouAreHavingAGiraffe · 21/02/2015 17:05

Oops sorry for double post. Internet crashed halfway through so I didn't think it had posted Blush

sosix · 21/02/2015 17:06

Yanbu your worth it! swishes hair

LikeABadSethRogenMovie · 21/02/2015 17:09

I have a cleaner and I'm a SAHM of school age kids. Just get a cleaner!

fuddleduck · 21/02/2015 17:10

Sorry to those complaining about the long post. I guess I was just writing down all my thoughts on the subject as they occurred to me (I do have a tendency to over-think things!) and didn't realise I was waffling.

It's not about "needing approval from strangers", it's about me feeling guilty because I feel like I'm not coping as well as I should be. My own Mum worked crazy-long hours, was always doing stuff with us and still kept the house spotless. I know other women who are the same. I'm just beating myself up I suppose.

OP posts:
MadgeMak · 21/02/2015 17:13

YANBU. I'm a SAHM and I have a cleaner. If you can afford it then do it.

Pagwatch · 21/02/2015 17:13

Well what exactly will that achieve? Beating yourself up?

Your mum worked crazy long hours. Did that make her happier . Is being happy not worth perusing?

Would you rather model to your children living a happy balanced life. Or model for them beating yourself up about not managing?

Is that the best thing for your children / to teach them silently to never quite feel good enough and be miserable trying.

My children will tell you we laugh a lot and I teach them to find joy where they can. They have excellent work ethics and a great enjoyment of life.

I know which I'd prefer.

HorridHenrysBrother · 21/02/2015 17:14

Forget the guilt. I spent years arguing with dh saying we couldn't have one, we were two able bodied adults and if we weren't able to clean our own house then what hope was there for us. My mum was a cleaner and often treated badly so I felt like I was letting the side down.

Dc 1 came along and as soon as I went back to work I caved. Have had one ever since, even during two subsequent maternity leaves.

It's expensive but worth it imo.

PicaK · 21/02/2015 17:19

Dump the guilt. If you can afford it then do it. You are choosing to spend money to create family time. How is that a bad thing?

Jacana · 21/02/2015 17:25

My feeling is that I can afford to give work, and therefore money, to someone else who actually enjoys the work she does.

Perfect win/win situation.Smile

scratchandsniff · 21/02/2015 17:28

Do it!

I'm in same situation, if we could afford a cleaner on top of childcare costs I'd be sorely tempted. Feel like I'm always cleaning.

5446 · 21/02/2015 17:30

Get a cleaner.

DP and I are relocating abroad. I won't be working for a few months and I am still planning on getting a cleaner.

We don't have any vices etc so that's how I justify it. Life is way too short to spend your weekends cleaning.

Apatite1 · 21/02/2015 17:42

I don't have kids, I work part time, and I have no idea why I didn't get a cleaner earlier. When we move house, I'm getting a housekeeper and a gardener too. I've got better things to do than domestic drudgery. No justification needed, unless it's straining your finances. Even then, it's a valid choice.

autumnboys · 21/02/2015 17:46

I work 24 hrs a week, have 3dc who are all at school. I have a cleaner who comes and does the downstairs on a Friday. Worth every penny. If you can afford it, do it.

fuddleduck · 21/02/2015 17:51

I know that feeling guilty about not managing to keep on top of it all is daft and achieves nothing. Somehow it doesn't stop me though. The other day someone I know posted on FB something along the lines of "cleaned the house from top to bottom, done the grocery shopping, made a cake from scratch and it's only lunchtime...who says you can't get anything done with a toddler in the house?" I know it's utterly pointless and stupid to compare yourself to others (especially to people who are prone to bragging about being domestic goddesses on FB) but it made me feel shit for wanting outside help. Stupid, I know.

OP posts:
lertgush · 21/02/2015 17:51

Well... you could have cleaned the entire house in the time it took to write that first post...

Just kidding. Get a cleaner :-)

Pagwatch · 21/02/2015 17:54

I'm not saying its stupid so that you can add another thing to your list of things to criticise yourself about.

I'm trying to get you to recognise that you can give yourself a different dialogue. You can change how you look at this .
You should . It's not achieving anything.

And block anyone dull enough to brag about cleaning on Facebook. Seriously .

fuddleduck · 21/02/2015 17:55

She's been unfollowed don't worry Grin

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 21/02/2015 17:58
Grin

Quite right!

AmateurSeamstress · 21/02/2015 17:59

I know where you're coming from OP, my mum was the same and I am permanently guilty and apologetic about everything. My view: try it. If the guilt of having a cleaner is worse than the guilt of living with a mess, stop.

The main reason we don't have one is that I can't face tidying up for the cleaner every week! I don't actually mind cleaning, it's the tidying I hate.

mrsmilkymoo · 21/02/2015 18:02

If I go back to work afte maternity leave I'm getting a cleaner, even though I would be working part time. Life is short and I'd rather spend my days off doing things with dd and having people round rather than stressing about the state of the house.

littleleftie · 21/02/2015 18:07

I recall hearing Jenny Eclair saying that even when her sole income was jobseekers allowance she still kept a cleaner Grin

Just do it OP!!!!

fuddleduck · 21/02/2015 18:14

You've all been so lovely (in spite of my essay length OP!) and made some really good points.

Fuck it, I'm going to do it. I so rarely spend money on myself, if I do I agonise over it for weeks, what's the point in working??

OP posts:
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