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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be utterly furious with the GP for putting my DSD on sedatives?

250 replies

goldenteapot · 20/02/2015 17:25

She is 16 and finding her GCSEs very stressful - but she is fine the rest of the time, and happy with her hobbies etc.

She sees her mother every other weekend (with whom she has a difficult relationship) and her mother has taken her to the GP about the stress, to see if he could advise about taking exams in a separate room etc. or refer her to CBT.

He has put her on sedatives, twice a day (beta blockers) with no end in sight.

She now thinks she is 'mentally ill' and needs daily sedation. I just want to cry. I hate being a step mother and having no control over this sort of thing. She is so young and vulnerable and I feel that this could be the start of her unravelling. She is spaced out - with no offer of counselling.

AIBU to be furious? What can I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
goldenteapot · 20/02/2015 19:19

gobby: Actually, I don't know that she IS going to take it and I suspect she won't actually do so after this first few days ... so I'm probably totally overreacting. I can barely get her to eat breakfast or brush her teeth so that sort of thing is not very high on her agenda...

I don't want to get 'one up' on her mother, I am cross that her mother doesn't see what an amazing young woman she is and isn't grateful for having her as her daughter - not calling her 'weird'!

OP posts:
aprilanne · 20/02/2015 19:20

hi golden my hubby was on propanolol for years .they just slow the heart a little to cope with anxiety better .her mother,s comments won,t help right enough .they won,t make you spaced out if she is like that something else is wrong .

Iflyaway · 20/02/2015 19:22

"And if she suffers from stress and anxiety she is mentally ill"

OFFS!

This is ridiculous. Unless, I guess the whole world is "mentally ill"!!

ghostyslovesheep · 20/02/2015 19:23

my daughter has ALWAYS taken her aggression, anger, stress and anxiety out on my - when not taking it out on herself - she behaves much better at her fathers and his GF's because she says she has to keep it all in or they wont like her - with me she is secure enough that she knows I will love her even when she hates me

Please don't go down the 'her mum is a bad parent' route - my ex and his GF refused to accept my daughter had problems until she self harmed in school - badly - aged 10 :(

Back off a bit and consider that maybe her mum has a point?

ghostyslovesheep · 20/02/2015 19:23

me not my!

Pishedorf · 20/02/2015 19:24

anewyear at 16, patients can make their own decisions regarding medical treatment. So that's probably why people say at 16 she isn't a child. (Heck even competent younger teens can do this too if their are Fraser Competent).

OP I don't know if you have a young persons service in your area but perhaps you/DH could help your DSD self refer to there? They can provide some counselling/guided self help etc

Iflyaway · 20/02/2015 19:25

"but she is fine the rest of the time and happy with her hobbies etc."

Did you bother to read the rest of the sentence?

OhFlippityBolax · 20/02/2015 19:26

Her mental health is making her ill ergo she is mentally, not physically, Ill.

Anxiety is a mental illness

MilfordCubicle · 20/02/2015 19:29

Sounds like you're trying to take over. You need to accept that you're not her mother.

hamptoncourt · 20/02/2015 19:30

Agree with PP you need to back off and relax a bit.

She is not your child. She is a young adult. You seem to have a very aggressive attitude towards her mother and this appears to be clouding your judgement.

The tablets are not sedatives, will hopefully help with her exam anxiety.

I think you said it all yourself in your OP when you said I hate being a step mother and having no control over this sort of thing

You cannot control this situation so just stop trying.

goldenteapot · 20/02/2015 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheFairyCaravan · 20/02/2015 19:33

I take Atenolol for migraine prevention. It doesn't make me spaced out. DS1 used to take Propanolol for migraine prevention, he was fine. He slept a lot, but that wasn't the meds, that was being a teen! I could do with some 6 month prescriptions too!

I feel really sorry for the Young lady involved here. If we are to believe what is written down, the OP doesn't have a clue about medication and is blowing everything out of proportion which is no doubt why the father is taking her back to the GP. Then the poor girl has her mother screaming, shouting and fighting with her. On top of that she's weeks away from her GCSEs.

I think you all need to back off and realise that you're more than likely the cause of her stress and problems.

Original poster
goldenteapot · 20/02/2015 19:38

I know IABU - I only found out this today so I was CROSS when posting. And slightly hysterical.

I am very fond of her and don't want her thinking there is 'something wrong' with her.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 20/02/2015 19:40

If you work in the sector you will know that some people need medication not everybody can just pull their socks up and learn to cope poor kid sounds stressed betablockers will help the girl to stop feeling like she is going to have a heart every time she streses out she is sleepy because the adrenalin has stopped pumping so fast. She can take them if she wants she is 16. Btw are YOU and her mother always so bloody dramatic no wonder she is stressed stuck between to frigging drama Llamhas. Sedatives my arse

Original poster
goldenteapot · 20/02/2015 19:42

lol point taken Mrsjayy

I have calmed down now

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 20/02/2015 19:43

Heart attack* my own dd takes kalms when she is stressing at exam time there is nothing wrong In needing a wee bit of help

Mrsjayy · 20/02/2015 19:44

I see that you have stopped being hysterical

ghostyslovesheep · 20/02/2015 19:46

I'd be interested in what sector you work if there are 'professionals' who are anti medication - is it the NHS?

most mental health workers realise there is a place for both talking therapy and medication - often together

googoodolly · 20/02/2015 19:52

I hope she's not ashamed to have anxiety? There's absolutely nothing wrong with struggling with stress and needing medication to control that. Not everyone can just buck up and get on with it, and making yourself struggle on when there's help available will only lead to trouble.

Original poster
goldenteapot · 20/02/2015 19:54

I am happy to be messaged re. my work but don't want to talk about it in public!

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 20/02/2015 19:54

Actually, the thing that irks in this situation is that you are actually supporting the idea that a mental health issue means that she has 'something wrong' with her.

You attitude, your over reaction to the idea of medication and your insistence that CBT is the only proper way to proceed is perpetuating the idea that mental health issues are about will power and mind over matter.
That is not just bollocks but it's desperately damaging bollocks.

YouAreMyRain · 20/02/2015 20:03

How long has DSD been living with you? My DD has MH issues, having weekly psychotherapy etc but she behaves impeccably and keeps it together at her dad and step mums because she is terrified of rejection. I get all the anger and violence directed at me, because she feels safest with me.

The downside of this is that I am accused of being a bad parent or making it all up by my ExH and his new partner because they don't see what I see.

YouAreMyRain · 20/02/2015 20:06

Maybe this is aimed at step parents?

ghostyslovesheep · 20/02/2015 20:06

Exactly YouAreMyRain - and yes mental health issues aren't 'something wrong' to be dismissed or ashamed of

JudgeRinderSays · 20/02/2015 20:13

she behaves much better at her fathers and his GF's because she says she has to keep it all in or they wont like her - with me she is secure enough that she knows I will love her even when she hates me

Exactly what I was going to post
Op with the best will in the world, you are not her parent
I know quite a few children who have taken beta blockers to prevent panic attacks in teh exam hall!