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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be utterly furious with the GP for putting my DSD on sedatives?

250 replies

goldenteapot · 20/02/2015 17:25

She is 16 and finding her GCSEs very stressful - but she is fine the rest of the time, and happy with her hobbies etc.

She sees her mother every other weekend (with whom she has a difficult relationship) and her mother has taken her to the GP about the stress, to see if he could advise about taking exams in a separate room etc. or refer her to CBT.

He has put her on sedatives, twice a day (beta blockers) with no end in sight.

She now thinks she is 'mentally ill' and needs daily sedation. I just want to cry. I hate being a step mother and having no control over this sort of thing. She is so young and vulnerable and I feel that this could be the start of her unravelling. She is spaced out - with no offer of counselling.

AIBU to be furious? What can I do?

OP posts:
fizzycolagurlie · 20/02/2015 20:53

goldenteapot i think the fact that you came on here and you are genuinely concerned for this step dd shows what a good parent you are to her. You are a parent. Anyone who says otherwise is a fool. Plenty of families have two sets of adults supervising the children and that's what you are doing, and for those who doubt it, that's what parenting actually is. I admire it and I admire your concern with her well being.

ghostyslovesheep · 20/02/2015 20:54

sorry I think my last post wash a bit harsher than I intended

I am sure you have her best interest at heart OP I am - but I also think you have to take your stuff out of the picture

diddl · 20/02/2015 20:58

Ah well, if I wasn't a "druggie" I'd be dead & two teens without a mum!

If she is so stressed that she currently isn't coping then of course she needs help!

Why would you want her to have to put up with that until therapy can be found?

ImBatDog · 20/02/2015 21:03

i have propranolol for anxiety, they can make you feel a bit spacey, but if thats the case, get her to reduce the dose a little.

i am not on them permanently, the drs trust me to take them 'as and when' i feel its appropriate, so because i know what my anxiety triggers are, i can take them during times of extreme stress or before doing something i know will cause me anxiety.

They do help!

Original poster
goldenteapot · 20/02/2015 21:04

Ghosty: Thank you - and I do agree with your posts. You have been very helpful.

I did post when I had just heard and I was shocked about the whole thing.

I have calmed down a bit.

I do largely think she won't take it and we certainly won't nag her to do so.

OP posts:
RestingFuckFace · 20/02/2015 21:04

The mum abuses you DSD and you havent involved SS?

Lovely.

JudgeRinderSays · 20/02/2015 21:06

No!!!,No!!!,No!!! Fizzy
she is not the girl's parent! She is her step parent which is a very important role in the DSD's life but her DH and his ex are the parents , the ones with parental responsibility not her.She needs to be aware of this boundary.

Original poster
goldenteapot · 20/02/2015 21:06

Imbatdog: I had hoped they would just be for the 'bad' exam times - not twice a day for six months, which I think is total overkill.

OP posts:
Original poster
goldenteapot · 20/02/2015 21:08

Yes yes I am WELL aware of the 'boundary' and that I am NOT her parent, thanks very much, even though she lives with me and is with me for more hours than EITHER of her 'actual parents'.

And even though I LOVE this child (and she is a child, most of the time).

I am well aware of my position.

No we haven't involved SS - I suggested it, her father was against it. As I say, IF SHE WAS MINE I would have involved them. Totally.

OP posts:
Stratter5 · 20/02/2015 21:08

Tbh I don't think CBT or any other kind of therapy is going to work if it's GCSEs stressing her. They ARE stressful, incredibly stressful

Original poster
goldenteapot · 20/02/2015 21:10

Stratter you are probably right and I do need to accept that

OP posts:
SnowBells · 20/02/2015 21:11

Golden I know people who have taken beta blockers for interviews.

It is absolutely not a sedative.

More akin to smart drugs that may actually unfairly give her better exam results...

flippinada · 20/02/2015 21:12

Are you quite sure about that? That the GP has prescribed beta-blockers to your DSD to take twice a day for six months? Without asking her to come back at any point to see how she is getting on? That sounds very unusual.

My experience as a service user is that they will prescribe 'new' medication of this nature for (say) two weeks then ask you to come back to see how you are after that point.

diddl · 20/02/2015 21:14

"I do largely think she won't take it and we certainly won't nag her to do so."

So what, just leave her stressed then?

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 20/02/2015 21:16

Wow if getting by without medication is an achievement, I'm a complete failure at life.

Oh wait... no, the only way I'm not failing everything I attempt is the medication that just about keeps me going.

Hmm did you really work in any field of healthcare at all, OP?

Stratter5 · 20/02/2015 21:16

Stop projecting, and support her.

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 20/02/2015 21:17

Snow why would Propranalol give her better exam results? It's not an IQ-raiser. Rather, it will allow her to work to her full potential, getting the exam results she deserves without anxiety getting in the way.

Stratter5 · 20/02/2015 21:19

Oh, and I'm a massive medication failure. I fair rattle with pills, but I'd be dead without them. Please stop this 'medicine is bad for you' thing; it's not clever, it just indicates you have issues.

Original poster
goldenteapot · 20/02/2015 21:20

She isn't stressed, except when she is going into an exam. She would say so herself.

I don't think that taking beta-blockers every day is really necessary when she largely spends her time happily wandering about singing Frozen songs and playing instruments.

OP posts:
flippinada · 20/02/2015 21:22

I wonder if this poor young woman has been allowed to speak to anyone on her own about what she wants or what she thinks would help.

Her (abusive sounding) mother takes her to the GP. Then the outcome of that is that she gets medication. So Dad (?) and Stepmum think that is inappropriate so she gets sent back with her Dad.

How about she goes to the GP on her own and is allowed to speak to them in confidence?

Mixtape · 20/02/2015 21:22

CBT is often cited as a fail safe treatment for anxiety and panic attacks etc but it isn't For everyone. Of course it is popular as a treatment to be referred to because it is very solution focussed and short term - so cost effective. there are also questions about the accuracy of reports into effectiveness being based on services that involved
Payment by results, or where there was a high early drop out of clients.

I mention this not to undermine the experience of anyone here of CBT - it certainly makes a huge difference to many people - but to say that it isn't as simple as "don't worry about drugs - CBT is the answer." Also for those people for whom it doesn't work for feel like a failure and worse than they did before.

Sorry, this is a bit rambling, but I used to work for a young people's charity where we offered counselling, and it was seen by a lot of parents / adults as a magic bullet - they would say "oh I will drag them to counselling if needs be" or "I will make them come" - ignoring the fact that unless the person actually wanted to have counselling it was useless and a counsellor will not work with someone if they don't feel they are in the right place for it, it have other issues that need more immediate attention - in your DSD's case, the physical abuse she is receiving from her mother, for example. It is no good her having counselling if her mum is hitting her.

Pagwatch · 20/02/2015 21:23

this thread is so shocking.
The Victorian attitudes to anxiety and depression as well as the ridiculous idea that managing mental health issues without medication is a badge of honour is like a celebration of stupidity.

I use mindfulness to help my anxiety. I would use anything that helps.
To be prissy about what type of help a person in distress uses is judgemental and unhelpful.
I don't know what people are thinking tbh. It's just awful.

gobbynorthernbird · 20/02/2015 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
goldenteapot · 20/02/2015 21:26

Pagwatch: I was very poorly while medicated: I am much better without it. i.e. I can work and have a good life.

Medication has MASSIVE side effects for some people and once you are on that treadmill it can escalate. That happens to lots of people.

Yes if you can manage with medication and don't feel that it is controlling you in a negative way, that's great. Lots of people cannot - the same way that lots of women feel awful on the contraceptive pill, and a lot better without it.

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 20/02/2015 21:26

I feel pretty sorry for this young woman tbh.
She is an emotional football for those supposed to help her.
Someone who cares about her should get her an appointment on her own with a medical professional she likes and trusts.