AIBU not agreeing to look after my mums dog if she dies

[samsswampy]

I haven't said I will not look after him but I do not want to promise I will

I've talked about charities but she just says she wants me to have him

I'd just deal with it if the time comes. Promise her you'll do your best to find a solution. That if it's not possible with you, you will look for a suitable home etc.

I would probably say 'I will look after the dog' and my way of doing so would be to rehome it with the help of a dog rescue to an absolutely brilliant and appropriate home where it will be really happy.

Honestly, in this situation I'd lie. And my sibling wouldn't hold it against me one iota for doing so.

I did talk about to her about training classes but she won't go without me and the only class near is the time I meet DS from school

I'd say of course mum and then do whatever needed to be done.

The cinnamon trust help in difficult circumstances. My mum is a dog lover too and has 3 but there is no way I would have them. Too much responsibility.

In your situation op I think you really have to lie here. It's kinder to your mum. It really is. And then if the worst happens contact dogs trust and cinnamon trust and let them re home the dog.

If the lady is not ill or in danger of death soon then you should probably refuse kindly but firmly (easier to say than do I know :) )

Your opinion is equal to hers, would she be happy with the both of you finding a solution together? Its unfair of her to force you to have the little chap against your wishes and its certainly not fair on the pup.

If you're not happy lying, & I understand why you're not, then being truthful is the only way if she will not consider another option.

She could make an arrangement with the Cinnamon Trust, a charity that can help elderly people with their pets. If she did the paperwork, they could find a home and pay the vet bills.

Put your foot down.
Drop her off at training classes and join her with ds when you've picked him up.
Tell her she needs to play her part in securing the dogs future.

investigate The Cinnamon Trust who care for older people's pets and then rehome them if necessary. They will arrange a dog walker if she becomes unwell.

Thank you for all your advice, I just hate lying, this as caused a lot of trouble between us because DM was going to come out with me and DCs this week but has refused to come because I won't promise

Don't lie to her. Tell her you have no intention of taking this dog on, and that she should be looking to find someone else to rehome it. Then she might actually put a bit of effort into finding someone else - she won't do that if you say you'll take it.

She wanted a puppy and ignored the needs of the dog it would become. She also chose not to train it - blaming that on you not coming with her was just a red herring.

"I've talked about charities but she just says she wants me to have him"
Well 'I want' doesn't mean 'I get'.

I feel quite angry at your mother for putting you in this position!

Blimey. It sounds as if she is being vastly unreasonable. Have you tried getting cross and laying it on thick about how unhappy the dog would be with you? Will always be at the bottom of the pile; in any conflict between needs of dog and those of DC, DC will (obv) always come first; DC will tease it and make it unhappy, and if it ends up nipping one of them it will be PTS...?

I worry about this.

I don't like dogs and my DH has always know that although I am through gritted teeth happy to have visiting dogs, I will never be prepared to have a dog of our own.

My PILs have just bought a puppy. They aren't as old as the OP's Mum but they could easily be outlived by this dog. When they bought it I pointed out to my DH my fear that we'd end up with this fog (no siblings living in the UK). He says 'don't worry about it, if worst comes to worst we'll get it rehomed'. But I can well imagine that having lost his beloved Mum/Dad he's not going to be able to do that without lots of guilt.

Another alternative is that we have to look after one if his parents in our home (very happy to do this as necessary). With dog ().

I really, really really don't want a dog. Ever.

He says it won't happen that way but I'm going to end up as cruel and unfeeling on this one. I just know it and seriously wishe they hadn't bought another dog especially as they aren't training it and it's pretty badly behaved

X-post with OP. So now she's trying to emotionally blackmail you too ?

Its not just that I don't want her dog, I'm also worried about the cost, my DH is out of work and I am a stay at home mum so we haven't a lot of money and if D M did die she wouldn't leave much

I agree WhereYouLeftit People do not suddenly become incapable of being manipulative or of emotional blackmail just because they reach a certain age.

Was anything said at the time of buying the dog OP or did she just assume that you would keep him after her death? Have you ever been asked? Did she consider the problem at the time?

Her refusal to come out with you as you won't promise is disgraceful!

if shes not even ill, tell her to stop emotionally blackmailing you. She wanted a puppy. She knew how old she was, and she hasnt even trained the pup? Shes not being fair on you AT ALL, nor the dog.

who the fuck sold her a puppy?

Also i assume rehoming an untrained dog will be quite difficult. She isn't being fair on you or the dog by not training it.

I'd say in good faith that you will have the dog and when you find after day 2 that you can't cope with it then you can rehome it - you won't have lied ( you have tried) and she can stop going in about it .

She has always emotionally blackmailed me! I usually agree to keep the peace, I know how you feel cuddles, I've always said I would look after her but I don't want a dog! I have no siblings or other family

That poor dog, he/she faces an unknown future Your mum should have thought of this before she took the dog on.

Can you ask round friends, relatives etc. and see if someone else would be willing to offer the dog a secure and responsible home should your mum die first?

I agree it's not fair to guilt you into saying yes - this dog deserves a loving home with someone who genuinely wants it.

Boils my piss when people take on an animal with no plans for the future care of it.

You can register the dog with Dogs Trust to go there when your mum dies.