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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my kids are spoilt horrors

114 replies

flower68 · 20/02/2015 15:00

It's not been a great half term tbh. Well intentioned trip to Bankside resulted in major public tantrum about posing for a pic by DD (10) who scooted off into the crowds with the 4 year old in hot pursuit. I nearly lost both of them and we made quite a spectacle as I frogmarched her across the wobbly bridge for a time out on a bench. Then today my 8 and a half year old DS switched my phone off before hiding it in his dad's shoe in protest at being made to go to a talk about the Wimpy Kid at the Southbank festival. He was out with his dad at the talk and I spent 3 hours trying to find it going slowly beserk. DS did not own up despite being questioned loads - i found the phone on my own. I just don't know where I am going wrong - just wonder if I am trying to hard? They are both off computers /tablets and DS is not going to a party that's coming up. Wish I'd stayed at work this week and put them into a play scheme instead.

OP posts:

Hathall · 20/02/2015 18:23

The ops child really did not want to go to the wimpy kid talk. Why make them do something they really, really didn't want to go to? (Unless they agreed to beforehand)
My 9 yr old loves wimpy kid but he probably wouldn't want to go to a talk on it. He does enjoy 'worthy' activities but not something like that.
I don't listen to my dcs every whim and of course they need to do some things that they may object to, but when it comes to holidays and fun, I think they should have an input.
It does sound like the children aren't enjoying themselves generally. Whether that's to do with feeling they're controlled and not listened to is for the op to decide.

Moniker1 · 20/02/2015 18:27

Stop stressing - they sound normal.

Tryharder · 20/02/2015 18:41

Im in the agreement with the posters who thought that the DCs were badly behaved and ungrateful and deserved punishment.

I don't think children should necessarily be given a veto or choice on days out. If you asked my children what they wanted to do with their day, they would spend it playing Minecraft.

minifingers · 20/02/2015 18:54

I think it's shitty bad behaviour and I'd be really angry if my children behaved like this.

So what if they sometimes have to sit through/do something they don't feel like to please a parent who loves them and works their arse off for them?

Most children - mine included - do very little that they don't feel like. It's a life lesson having to please other people sometimes.

Bakeoffcake · 20/02/2015 18:54

Things my DDs haven't particularly wanted to do but I've "made" them come along..

The Ballet (it will be boring..)
A school residential trip (I won't like the food..)
French lessons (It will be boring...)
Visits to an elderly aunt.(It will be boring...)
Stonehenge (you can guess by now...)
Various museums .... I could go on.....

The success of these trips has varied from "never again" to "omg I love this". I don't regret a single trip and am pleased I didn't go by their first responses to the suggests.

FiveLittlePeas · 20/02/2015 18:59

There's 3 children, are you supposed to get all to agree before going anywhere? You'd end up staying at home all week.
May be taht's all they wanted to do. Get to stay at home and actually do whatever they wanted. Ever thought of that?

soverylucky · 20/02/2015 19:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FiveLittlePeas · 20/02/2015 19:08

I never said they should do ALWAYS whatever they want. But if it has to be fun FOR THEM, then maybe they can have a say. IT's uop to the parents to decide whether their suggestion is acceptable or not, of course. CHildren do not decide but can have an opinion.
I agree with PP who said the boy does as he is done by parents...

bettyboop1970 · 20/02/2015 19:12

As a parent you are damned if you do and damned if you don't.
Choose your battles wisely (especially with teen hell fast approaching).
10 year old doesn't want picture taken - leave it ( or take pictures covertly whilst scooting)
8.5 doesn't want to go to a talk on a book, hmmm, not surprised - leave it.
Hiding phone in shoe - sorry that's bloody funny to read, but obviously not for you! Dish out one punishment not 2.

soverylucky · 20/02/2015 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheCrowFromBelow · 20/02/2015 19:23

The Wimpy Kid thing wasn't just a talk - it was a quiz & draw along I think?

We went to 2 events this half term that got a few choruses of "do we have to?". The DCs loved both of them. If I did what they suggested then every day would be spent rowing about the Xbox. 8 & 10 year olds need to be given experiences - they haven't tried these things, how on earth will they know if they like them?

I wouldn't have made a fuss about the photo, not would I continue sending to them to stuff they clearly hate eg endless stately homes and gardens.

But OP your DCs don't sound spoiled, they just sound like children.

Behindthepaintedgarden · 20/02/2015 22:35

OP, you sound like you're bringing your children up to not be spoilt brats. As an adult sometimes people will organise a 'treat' for you, or get you a special invite to something and you're first thought is 'Oh no'. But you have to just smile and say thanks and go along with it. Why should children be any different.

Sometimes parents will organise something that they genuinely think their children will enjoy (and are often proven right, despite initial objections from the children);

and sometimes they will be desperately trying to think of ways to fill the holidays so that kids aren't sitting around staring at screens all day, or bickering or moaning that there's nothing to do, or demanding to do things that the parents don't think is suitable or simply can't afford.

Excusing brattish behaviour on the grounds that children 'weren't consulted' about an afternoon out is ridiculous. There are kids out there being genuinely badly treated. Having to sit through a talk on the Wimpy Kid books because a parent genuinely thought it would be a treat (because most kids would really love it) is part of any normal childhood, and some of the armchair psychologists need to get real.

Behindthepaintedgarden · 20/02/2015 22:56

"Your ds was angry so he confiscated your phone"

Really? Since when has it been acceptable for 8 year olds to 'confiscate' their parents belongings?

BrendaBlackhead · 21/02/2015 18:34

Behindthepaintedgarden - everything you say (and The Painted Garden is one of my favourite books...).

I particularly concur with the fact that as a parent sometimes you organise a surprise treat and, yes, on occasion you get it wrong. It is inexcusably awful for a child - who will, let us not forget, turn into an adult - to throw a wobbly when the trip was well-intentioned. Should children similarly be allowed to pout and complain about "unsolicited" Christmas gifts of which they might not approve?

It would seem to me that pussy-footing around and trying to win a child's favour is a sure fire way to create a monster.

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