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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my kids are spoilt horrors

114 replies

flower68 · 20/02/2015 15:00

It's not been a great half term tbh. Well intentioned trip to Bankside resulted in major public tantrum about posing for a pic by DD (10) who scooted off into the crowds with the 4 year old in hot pursuit. I nearly lost both of them and we made quite a spectacle as I frogmarched her across the wobbly bridge for a time out on a bench. Then today my 8 and a half year old DS switched my phone off before hiding it in his dad's shoe in protest at being made to go to a talk about the Wimpy Kid at the Southbank festival. He was out with his dad at the talk and I spent 3 hours trying to find it going slowly beserk. DS did not own up despite being questioned loads - i found the phone on my own. I just don't know where I am going wrong - just wonder if I am trying to hard? They are both off computers /tablets and DS is not going to a party that's coming up. Wish I'd stayed at work this week and put them into a play scheme instead.

OP posts:

Behindthepaintedgarden · 20/02/2015 16:58

~And outraged my full comment was:
regardless of how much you consult with your kids sometimes it's going to be "tough. This is what we're doing and you'll just have to come along and behave".

DialsMavis · 20/02/2015 16:58

I also wouldn't insist on taking a pic

YouTheCat · 20/02/2015 17:00

It really isn't about letting children make all the decisions and having a say in everything.

It is about listening to them though.

RJnomore · 20/02/2015 17:04

What 8yo isn't interested in wimpy kid????

FringeDivision · 20/02/2015 17:05

I am listening to my ds at the moment - he thinks I am mean because I won't let let him buy pepsi. He's already had a milkshake and some cake. Listening doesn't mean doing what they want all the time - usually the parent knows best.

googoodolly · 20/02/2015 17:06

Lots aren't. Not all kids like the same thing!

NimpyWWindowmash · 20/02/2015 17:08

Poor you OP, it is such a shame when you have planned a fun damily day and it goes to pot like that.

Maybe your expectations of the day were too high?

Maybe you fell into the "quality time trap"? Thinking "this had better be fun for fucks sake!" , now let's take a picture as evidence of sll the fun we are having", only the kids did not play ball.

My kids are a similar age to yours, and to be honest I would not have forced the photo. The phone hiding was naughty, I would get to the bottom of "why".

Sorry your day was spoiled, It sometimes is like that.

I only take my kids to London once a year, 1-2-1, and we plan together what we'll do, but leave room for being flexible.

OutragedFromLeeds · 20/02/2015 17:09

'~And outraged my full comment was:
regardless of how much you consult with your kids sometimes it's going to be "tough. This is what we're doing and you'll just have to come along and behave".

And I agreed with you didn't I?

Sometimes it will be, but it's easier to take if you've had a say in the overall holiday/half-term/day.

FiveLittlePeas · 20/02/2015 17:18

Generally eight year old kids don't get a say as to what they are going to do, they should do as their parents tell them
duRING HOLIDAYs? REALLy? Are those things not supposed to be fun for them?
I agree with those saying that you should listen to your children, and they'll behave better.

LikeABadSethRogenMovie · 20/02/2015 17:26

OP, I would have been pissed off with a 10 year old running off too. Especially if they were aware the 4 year old had followed them. That's what I would expect in a 3 year old.

I would also have been furious if my 8 year old had hidden my phone. Not because it's a phone I can't bear to be parted from but because 8 is old enough to know you don't take and hide other people's stuff; be it mine, their siblings' or any other Tom, Dick or Sally's.

After such a frustrating few days, the best you can do is move on, dust yourself off and have a bit of a regroup. We've all been there x

Mrsbird311 · 20/02/2015 17:36

yes REALLY!!!! School holidays don't mean manners and good behaviour go out the window and bad behaviour and demanding what they will and won't do take over, mine do a couple of nice things, older one has had a flying lesson and a go on a flight simulator the younger one has been to theme park and swimming but if either of them behaved badly whilst out with me it would have all been cancelled, I don't live in a child centered home, me and their dad are the head honchos , they are pretty well behaved happy go lucky kids , they have a nice life , they have nothing to complain about!!

bigbuttons · 20/02/2015 17:43

Interesting to see the array of parenting styles shown here.

BrendaBlackhead · 20/02/2015 17:45

I don't get all this "listen to your dcs" stuff, as if the OP was trying to give her dcs a horrible time. Most people know that by the time dcs get to a certain age, given a choice of activities it would boil down to Playstation, iPad, having friends round/going to friends. Choice activities would generally not include a 5-mile healthy walk and improving museum trip. Of course there's always the holier-than-thou MNetter who will claim that their five dcs like nothing better than a family sing-a-long whilst hiking along Hadrian's Wall in the pouring rain, but back in the real world it's only in our dreams that a 15-year-old is sitting cutting and pasting at the kitchen table chatting amiably.

crapatmultitasking · 20/02/2015 17:48

Generally eight year old kids don't get a say as to what they are going to do, they should do as their parents tell them

duRING HOLIDAYs? REALLy? Are those things not supposed to be fun for them?
I agree with those saying that you should listen to your children, and they'll behave better*

'erm when my child is old enough to pay for , organise and transport themselves to said activity they can choose to do as they please but until that time I'd be dammed if any child is going to ruin a family day out by behaving badly just because its not their idea of 'fun' .

I'm a fair but firm parent but I certainly wouldn't ever be held ransom by a child's behavior .

LikeABadSethRogenMovie · 20/02/2015 17:50

And I think there's a few posters missing the point. The OP presumably thought that the Wimpy Kid talk would be fun for their 8 year old and, unless I've read the thread wrong, so did the 8 yo at some point. She wasn't dragging them to a Sylvia Plath reading FGS!

If it had been planned earlier in the week and then my 8 yo changed their mind at the last minute, I would expect them to suck it up and go without them hiding my belongings.

cestlavielife · 20/02/2015 17:50

sounds v tense...

time out for a 10 year old? on a bench in public?
just makes you look like crazy mum.

do you use time out for her at home? surely there are better ways for a 10 year old.

ds yeh remove his phone or tablet for a week but let him go the party...
try and get to a positive parenting type class if you can, can give you some other ideas and ways to tackle behavior.

read "how to talk so kids will listen...."

Stardustnight · 20/02/2015 17:50

I didn't read it like that: she stated he was "made to go" to it.

YouTheCat · 20/02/2015 17:55

When my dd was 15 she'd have loved a potter around a museum and would have been happy enough doing something craft based. Her last actual tantrum was aged 3. Any grumbling was met with 'we can just go home then' which was enough for her to pack it in. She also had to endure many activities she didn't enjoy due to her twin brother being autistic at the severe end of the spectrum. But I did listen to her. We did compromise on some things. She most certainly did not have total free choice.

I am not being holier than thou. I understand that all children are different and circumstances are different too. But there's a lot to be said for listening to your kids. It saves a whole load of misery for everyone. It also means that she listens to me as well. Listening to your kids does not necessarily equate to giving in and letting them make all the choices. There's a happy, middle ground in there somewhere.

minionmadess · 20/02/2015 17:59

Minion, my DS, at 6, would happily have trotted along wherever I wanted him to go. Two years later and he's far less likely to bound along, Labrador puppy style, with whatever I want!

They are actually 7 in a couple of weeks and still as grateful for outings as they were when they just turned 6... but I suppose we shall see.

Mrsbird311 · 20/02/2015 18:00

Omg!! Positive parenting classes, I'd sooner stick pins in both my eyes, who thinks this stuff up.i think it's fully acceptable to put a ten year old in time out, I'd send my fourteen year old up to his room if he was being cheeky, I expect your parenting comes from the way you were brought up,we were brought up to respect our parents and grand parents and in return expect to be respected ourselves, we are a huge very close family , if any of our kids were out of line they can be expected to be told off by any number of aunts and uncles or older cousins, there is a lot of love in our family but I truely have no time for these so called modern parenting ideas, the kids are listened to but our decision is final as we are the parents we know best.

OutragedFromLeeds · 20/02/2015 18:00

Brenda I think we're talking about younger children here. 15 year olds are a whole different set of problems. Although I'm failing to see the great problem with DC of any age wanting to spend a week playing with their friends either at home or at the friends house. Do you really need to spend half-term doing 'a 5-mile healthy walk and improving museum trip'?

During term time they're at school whether they like it or not, doing their homework whether they like it or not etc. Letting them enjoy themselves for the five days of half term is not going to 'ruin' them.

julieh1 · 20/02/2015 18:01

I think people have got the wrong end of the stick about the talk - it wasn't a boring historical talk as a PP said but a talk by the author of a book that kids adore targeted at their particular age group. Very child centred.

chocolatecrispies · 20/02/2015 18:01

Have you read How to listen so Kids talk and talk so kids listen?

Kids learn from what they see us doing. Your ds was angry so he confiscated your phone. You are now angry and confiscating his tablet...

LikeABadSethRogenMovie · 20/02/2015 18:03

I listen to my kids all the time. Their opinions are important to me.
I still would expect them to go to a pre-planned trip without hiding my phone and to not run away just because I said I wanted to take a photo of them.

OutragedFromLeeds · 20/02/2015 18:16

I don't think anyone is really saying their behaviour was ok or even that they shouldn't be punished.

The OP asked ' I just don't know where I am going wrong - just wonder if I am trying to hard?'.

The listen to them/let them have a say comments are just suggestions about how to prevent this behaviour in the future/create a more positive relationship.

It's surely better to prevent the running off/tantrums/hiding stuff in the first place than just thinking up ever more creative ways to punish them.

Maybe the OP is already doing that. We don't know because she hasn't been back. We can only offer advice based on what little information we have.

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