To think my kids are spoilt horrors

[flower68]

It's not been a great half term tbh. Well intentioned trip to Bankside resulted in major public tantrum about posing for a pic by DD (10) who scooted off into the crowds with the 4 year old in hot pursuit. I nearly lost both of them and we made quite a spectacle as I frogmarched her across the wobbly bridge for a time out on a bench. Then today my 8 and a half year old DS switched my phone off before hiding it in his dad's shoe in protest at being made to go to a talk about the Wimpy Kid at the Southbank festival. He was out with his dad at the talk and I spent 3 hours trying to find it going slowly beserk. DS did not own up despite being questioned loads - i found the phone on my own. I just don't know where I am going wrong - just wonder if I am trying to hard? They are both off computers /tablets and DS is not going to a party that's coming up. Wish I'd stayed at work this week and put them into a play scheme instead.

I agree with you 100% Mrsbird.

Of course children sometimes don't like having photos taken but one family photo on a trip out isnt going to kill anyone. She was extremely naughty to run off into the crowd.

And your DS hiding your phone - that is absolutley ridiculous behaviour.
I'm not the sort to shout at my dc but I would have last my temper at that.

How are they normally behaved?

It's not worth getting into a drama with a 10 year old over posing in a photo. "DD let's take a photo!" "I don't want to". "okay, suit yourself." is all it should have taken. Why all the angst over what is essentially nothing?

The 8 year old I would not be impressed with and there would be consequences for his actions, BUT why would an 8 year old want to be dragged to some historical talk? I'm not surprised he played up a bit - sounds like something my dad would have dragged me to and I remember hating it.

I don't think your kids are spoiled but I do think the whole thing could have been handled a bit differently. Did they have any say in the day out, or was it a case of "you WILL do this and you WILL do that?". I think that kind of thing works with small kids but not with 8-10 year olds. You need to start getting their input and asking what they want to do. That doesn't mean do everything they want, but a day out should include some adult stuff as well as some kids stuff.

And don't make pre-teen girls pose for photos if they don't want to! It's so not worth the hassle, especially when as soon as she hits the teens, she'll be taking endless selfies!

I agree 100% with MrsBird too.

Children learn appreciation not through endless streams of "nice activities" but by being appreciated for who and what they are.

You do not automatically "get" a grateful and thankful child by taking them to a talk; you get that by saying thank you yourself, by showing appreciation of the things others do for you, by being polite and kind to others and talking children through this to help them understand the world.

Lecturing children about how they "should" feel grateful because something is "nice" and how when you were a child you were thankful for one solitary orange at Christmas leads to morose sullenness for the most part. You can't 'tell' gratitude:'you can only show it and let them copy.

" I doubt the police would be interested."
they would be obliged to question and investigate. It is not an irrational fear,

"did they have a say in the day out?"

HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa.

There's 3 children, are you supposed to get all to agree before going anywhere? You'd end up staying at home all week.

I must be getting old, but I can't believe some of the replies on this thread.

Sod the "well did they want to go there" questions. There are lots of children whose parent/parents can't afford to take them anywhere this week, or any of the school holidays for that matter, so they should be damn well grateful for any trip they are given.

I carry out any threat and have even left a party early when one of mine was not behaving himself so I wouldn't put up with this at all.

I am really meh about pictures. As a child I was forced a lot to have pictures I really did not want to take. It will be a great way to remember etc. I hated those pictures and the only thing they reminded me of was the bullying to have the thing taken.

I took control back and I ran off. Hard to bully and harass someone if they are not there. Did it a few more times and finally no pics.

Yes I know it's weird and irrational to hate your pic being taken. But even know I hate it. Just as an adult you say no and that's it. You say no as a child and its like the worse thing ever.

So - you'll go somewhere and regardless of whether you wanted to go or not, you'll be grateful for it.

That just doesn't work.

The DS did go somewhere on his own and evidently didn't want to go. Hiding his mothers phone is worrying to me - but not in the way others indicate. It suggests frustration and petty ways of trying to control things and potentially that's dangerous.

Controlling things is a theme running through this thread - you will go, you will be grateful. It just pits you against one another - no point.

I don't think the phone thing is a silly, thoughtless joke. It may be to DC but to mum, home alone, possibly with other DC it IS a big deal!
Never mind the utter frustration turning the house upside down. (I had my laptop stolen, I drove myself batty looking for it at home before accusing possibly the wrong person, even in my own mind).

Many people I know don't even have a landline anymore and their mobile is the only means of communication.

You could be waiting for work/hospital/family calls and appointments and what if you need to dial 999?!

I agree with PP about children needing down time though.

Next one OP you take some days off for your down time too, as PP suggested.

It's funny how upset everyone is at the thought of not having their phone for a few hours!! Hiding a phone is a stupid joke, not a terrible crime. I think some people may need to get some perspective.

Your kids don't sound like spoilt horrors OP. Just regular kids who have had a bad week.

They've been punished for their bad behaviour, so put it behind you and move on. Don't dwell on it and make it into a bigger issue than it needs to be.

Did they get any say in what was going to happen this week? I think 8 and 10 is too old to not have some control over what they do during their school holidays.

My dd2 is 21, she doesn't like having her photo taken, even though she's absolutely beautiful.

However we have a deal that on family occasions/important events she will pose for a minute while someone takes a few photos. It means we have a record of what happened that day. She also has a veto if DD1 wants to put anything on FB. We've done this since she was about 16.

I'd suggest you talk to your DD about this OP and try to reach an agreement with her. Photos are really important.

We're talking about one trip during the half term, not the OP dragging her children from one activity to another that they've no interest in.

I'm not saying children have to jump up and down squealing with delight, regardless of whether they want to go on a trip or not. But throwing tantrums, hiding their parents' phones, or running off in a crowded place is just not on. The OP was quite right to punish her children for that behaviour.

Minion has it bang on , so many kids who's famil haven't got the cash for nice days out, the wimpy kid talk sounds brilliant, completely suitable for an eight year old boy, infact both my boys 11 and 14 would enjoy that!! So it was nice of his dad to take the time to take him

Don't beat yourself up flower, I'm sure your kids are lovely someofthetime. Sometimes they are ungrateful, that's just how it goes. Pour yourself a and forget about it. Do pick your battles though, sometimes the fight isn't worth it. Hope your weekends better.

I don't get this "well, in my day my parents never took me anywhere so they should be damn grateful for it."

I remember being dragged to plenty of museums and galleries, and no, at that age I wasn't grateful. I was bored and felt it was a waste of my time, and my parents time when I clearly wasn't enjoying it and neither were they.

""did they have a say in the day out?"

HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa."

Err, what's so funny? They're not toddlers who will just do what you say! They're 8 and 10 year olds with minds and opinions of their own. I remember hating being dragged places, BUT if there was the promise of doing something child-centric afterwards, I would behave much better and be much more grateful for the "boring" bit first!

'HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa.

There's 3 children, are you supposed to get all to agree before going anywhere? You'd end up staying at home all week.'

I have 4DC and everyone get's a say. It's never, ever been a problem. It's not difficult to let everyone give an opinion. We don't all have to agree, but we reach a compromise wherever possible.

I don't understand why you can't understand this...

Doing things and enjoying them because some children don't is a poor argument and it makes for resentful children.

Who remembers being made to clear their plate because children in Africa are starving? It doesn't help you,stuffed of food you don't like and feeling sick, and it certainly doesn't help African children Going to talks you don't want to go to - regardless of whether 'most' 8 year olds would or not - will not be enjoyable, even if the country is full of forlorn children crying at this missed opportunity: THEY ARE NOT YOU!

I thought that too Outraged but my DD is only 10 months so can't voice objections to DS's chosen activities yet

None of the above excuses children being allowed to run off, or take and hide their parents' property. No wonder there are so many entitled kids around if parents' think such behaviour should go unpunished.
The OP was quite right to not stand for it.

I totally understand the concept of asking dc what they'd like to do. I did it all the time with my two.

What I don't understand is what that has to do with what the OP is talking about.

Are you suggesting that if they didn't want to be on the day out/do an activity that excuses running off into a crowd in a major city or hiding someone's possession?

I think punishing behaviour like this is likely to be counter productive. I'm certainly not someone who thinks children should never be pulled up on their behaviour but in this instance I strongly believe there is a theme to the behaviour being displayed by the DCs. As such, it makes sense and is probably far pleasanter for everybody to go back to the root cause, as tempting as turning off tablets and marching over for time outs may be.

Fwiw I think 10 is way too old for time out.

My kids often misbehave on days out. I remember one weekend trip to Newcastle: the kids were annoying and rude, my husband was grumpy the whole time, and I was exhausted and frustrated. And yet, they all look back on it with happy memories of exploring the castle, playing in the play parks we went to, enjoying the restaurants where we ate, and so on. They seem to remember it with just as much fondness as a trip to Liverpool, where the kids behaved exceptionally well and both my husband and I were happy and calm. I find this revisionist perspective very interesting!

Kids are just hard work sometimes...

I think a lot of people are reading wayy more into the msg. Regardless of anything a 10 year old shouldn't run off. If someone called the police for frog marching the child back the police would be highly unlikely to do anything nothing illegal about it. I'm social worker btw. Sometimes children don't want to go to things but should parents only ever do what their children want. Give and take perhaps agreed we go to talk as dad wants to and then something you like. No excuses for bad behavior an 8 year knows he did wrong