Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Family angry over name change

81 replies

hopingforamiracle · 20/02/2015 11:50

I've always hated my first name, it's a difficult to pronounce/spell Welsh name that I also think is hideous. My father speaks Welsh, and so he mostly chose it and convinced my mother to go along with it. I also have an ugly welsh middle name, but it's a bit easier to pronounce and spell.

Anyway, I decided to change my first and middle name legally, and my family are angry about it, think it's stupid and mock me. They still call me by my old name, and my father told me I was being disrespectful to him for changing it. and he would never ever call me anything but my birth name.

As a kid growing up, I always wanted a pretty name that didn't make me stand out, like Chloe or Emily. I felt ugly because of my name and it just constantly reminds me of the difficult childhood I had with my home life and at school. Nobody is supportive of my name change which makes me feel like my choices and opinions don't matter. AIBU?

OP posts:

Nomama · 20/02/2015 11:52

How old are you, hoping?

It won't change my answer, but maybe how I phrase it would be modified

sosix · 20/02/2015 11:53

Yanbu. Its your life. I think your family bu especially to mock.

cailindana · 20/02/2015 11:54

Of course YANBU. Your family sound not very nice, to put it mildly.

Dr0pThePirate · 20/02/2015 11:56

I'm going to need to know what the name are, sorry.

PureMorning · 20/02/2015 11:59

You don't need to know the names to form an opinion...

Yanbu.

Sirzy · 20/02/2015 11:59

To be fair I can understand why your family - especially your parents - aren't happy, and can't get used to the idea of calling you something else.

That doesn't mean for a second you were wrong to change your name but I think as much as they have to accept you have done that you have to accept they will struggle with it.

Original poster

hopingforamiracle · 20/02/2015 11:59

Nomama, I'm 23, nearly 24

OP posts:

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 20/02/2015 12:00

Do you feel happier yourself now that you have a new name?

If so, then sod everyone else TBH. Of course your DPs may feel a little aggrieved that you don't like the name they chose for you but it's still your choice.

There's no point spending your life hating your name if you don't have to.

NARsWife · 20/02/2015 12:00

I think ywnbu to reply to your father that of course is his right to only address you by your birth name but equally it's your right as an adult to choose how you wish to be addressed and that you're sure he will understand that you will not be responding to anything other than your new chosen name.

Polite but firm. Stand your ground

Tisiphone · 20/02/2015 12:02

Well, being devil's advocate - and acknowledging their behaviour is nasty - your family are presumably feeling rejected, especially your father. It might feel as if you're throwing back his language and culture as some kind of valueless, unpronounceable inconvenience.

Of course its your choice, and they should respect it and make all attempts to remember to use your new name, but I can also see why a parent might feel hurt.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 20/02/2015 12:02

Just out of interest, do you have any siblings?

Do they also have traditional Welsh names and, if so, do they feel the same way as you about it?

Nomama · 20/02/2015 12:06

OK. Tell your dad that he is being VERY unfair to try and make you feel so very guilty. Tell him that you love him, but not the name he gave you and that he needs to respect you as AN ADULT.

Tell him that he also needs to take your family to task for laughing at you. He needs to lead by example and to accept your decision. Tell him you still love him, ask him if he has stopped loving you?

I did much the same when I was about your age (over something a bit more serious than a name) and my dad decided he couldn't deal with me. It was incredibly hard and I did feel that I was being very unreasonable to him, but he had really upset me and was being very selfish - like your dad is being. Fortunately he got over himself in time to take part in my wedding... he has never apologised for not doing the right 'dad thing' but has never brooched the subject again.

NARsWife · 20/02/2015 12:07

Tisiphone I agree I can understand why they feel hurt and upset. I'd feel the same of one of my sons wanted to change their name. However, because I'm not a cunt I'd accept their right to choose to be called whatever they bloody liked and fully support them in this, and they'd never know I was upset

mumpossible · 20/02/2015 12:13

I can see why they might find it difficult to adjust to a new name. But it us your choice, and they should be more understanding.

Have you told them, in a calm clear way, why you have changed your name?

hamptoncourt · 20/02/2015 12:16

I love my DDs name. She isn't very keen on it.

If she decided to change it then I would think it a little odd but I wouldn't get remotely hysterical over it. I might struggle not to call her by her "old" name after twenty odd years of it, but no, I wouldn't be angry.

Dr0pThePirate · 20/02/2015 12:17

hoping

I asked what your name was because my sister has the same issue. Our paternal grandmother was from Wales and she has a Welsh name although we didn't grow up there.

She got this & this a lot when growing up and some people were down right rude at times but her name isn't that bad. It's Cerys by the way and she was told it was "stupid" and/or "ugly".

I just wondered if it was that bad or just different?

If you're sure you can't live with it then YANBU

IsadoraQuagmire · 20/02/2015 12:17

You're grown up, you can choose to be called whatever you like. My best friend legally changed ALL his names (first, middle AND surname) This was before I met him and having heard his original names I can see why he did it.
His family weren't thrilled, but they're still speaking to him!

itsaysonthetin · 20/02/2015 12:21

Don't respond to your old name, or react to it. It might be a bit harsh when it will be an automatic reaction from most people, but if you feel like it's intentional, then ignore it.

Alternatively, tell your dad since he thinks he has the right to insist you continue using a name he gave you, which you find ludicrous, despite all your protests, that you are going to start calling him "cunt face", because it's your right to dictate how you refer to him. Apparently.

Alisvolatpropiis · 20/02/2015 12:23

Are we talking Rhiannon/Angharad here?

Or Delyth/Llinos?

SquinkiesRule · 20/02/2015 12:30

Guessing your fist name was something like Blodwyn or Angharad (both names I associate with little old ladies) I think I'd stick to the plan, use your chosen middle name and try hard to ignore them when they shout hey Blod I'm talking to you. Hope the middle one your using (changed to) is something pretty, although I have a hard time thinking of pretty girl names in Welsh, Anwen? Carys? Cerys? Sian? Rhian? Stick to your guns it's your life your choice.

pregnantpause · 20/02/2015 12:33

Yanbu. If it's mwfanwy you're definately nbu! My dad has to introduce himself as Fred anywhere non welsh speaking otherwise he has to suffer ten minutes of "what? How do you say it? How's it spelt? If it's spelt like that then surely it's said like this ----? What do you mean dd is th? F is v?!? Stupid language isn't it?" It's tedious and annoying.

You've a right to be called what you want and your family are being disrespectful to you by mocking and refusing to aw knowledge your choice.

ShadowsShadowsEverywhere · 20/02/2015 12:33

YANBU OP. I'm a similar age, and had issue with my first and last name. My last name was changed by my mother when she married my stepdad. I was twelve at the time, was not ok with the name change because stepdad and I didn't get on but she went ahead and did it anyway. My first name, I hated the full version. I associated it with a person I was close to who suddenly died and I had a breakdown. Ever since then I can't cope with being called the full version of my first name, I find it distressing and tbh it's far too formal and doesn't really suit me. My mother insisted on calling me the full version of my name even when everyone else used an shortened version and knowing I hated it. Exp never ever knew me as the full version. Never called me it, his family didn't even know that my name was officially the full version. I changed my last name back via deed poll as soon as I was legally old enough. My mother was not happy. We have no contact now mostly for other reasons but the name issue definitely influenced my decision to go NC.

It's hurtful and cutting when family try to assert some control over how you wish to be identified. If my DC at any point in their lives wish to change either name I will be supportive of that. It's their identity and they are right to want to have an identity they are happy and confident with. I would second refusing to answer to the old name. Don't let him bully you into still be identified by the old name you hate, he should have your happiness at heart and recognise that this isn't about him.

Crocodopolis · 20/02/2015 12:35

I sympathise, hoping. I hate with a white-hot passion my first name and long to change it. However, it has deep emotional significance for my parents so, in the name of family peace and harmony...

glammanana · 20/02/2015 12:43

Just stand firm and stick up for yourself on your choice,tell your dad & family it is legally your decision and you are not changing your mind at all. I was named by my father after his brother who died just before I was born I got the female version of Charles and hated it all my life,called at school Spotty/Dotty/Lottie it is now very popular and I don't mind it so much as long as I get the full title but I was seriously considering changing mine up until I was 20/21 I so desperatley wanted to be Jennifer.

Original poster

hopingforamiracle · 20/02/2015 14:16

Thank you for the replies. I have explained to him and said why I changed my name and how it makes me feel but he continues to talk about his feelings and experiences. He is very black and white and rigid in his beliefs. Just makes me feel powerless. I'm trying to become more independent after years of severe social anxiety and depression but I feel like giving up sometimes as I don't see a future for myself.

Squinkies, it is similar to those names you've listed, I just hated being different as I struggle anyway and the name just makes me feel even more of a freak.

Dropthepirate, Cerys is fine and is a normal Welsh name that is quite common. Rhys is another one that is welsh but very common here and easy to pronounce and spell, but not many welsh names are. I've PM'ed you my name as don't want to identify myself.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4