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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another wedding one!

101 replies

Lolipoplady · 20/02/2015 11:15

Am I being unreasonable to feel Shock Angry and Hmm at a wedding that consists of the following (groom is old uni friend of DP):

-Location is a popular far-east holiday destination, in a year's time
-Will require two flights to get there
-Guests are expected to pay for 5 nights accommodation in multi-bedroomed villas which totals £350 pp B&B (so £700 for me and DP)
-We have to pay a deposit NOW as the venue is apparently asking for half the cost upfront
-It has been made clear that the wedding is going to cost £13,000 but in actual fact the intention is that this will be covered by guests
-We have to pay £32.50 pp to cover the cost of the reception, and this doesn't include drinks

I am also peed off that DP has told his friend that he will go but doesn't know yet whether I will be going too (although DP hasn't paid the deposit yet - not sure if he will actually go now we are getting more information about what it is going to actually cost!!)... but that is a different story.

OP posts:
Nancy66 · 20/02/2015 11:17

that's crazy. don't go.
if you marry abroad you have to accept that many people from home won't be able to attend.

Leeds2 · 20/02/2015 11:19

I would most certainly not be going, and I wouldn't think either you or DP would be unreasonable to stay at home!

MaidOfStars · 20/02/2015 11:19

I would choose Shock out of those options. But also, how do you know the details of how the costs are to be covered - have the bride and groom outlined it to you?

You are not obliged to do anything. If you fancy a holiday in Thailand (guessing), then work it in but make your own travel/accommodation arrangements?

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 20/02/2015 11:21

It is beyond rude to charge guests to attend a reception! Unless you fancy a holiday abroad don't go.

HoldingtheFortress · 20/02/2015 11:21

Wow. People are bonkers aren't they?

Are you going to go?

Nancy66 · 20/02/2015 11:22

I also wouldn't want to commit to an expensive holiday in a year's time. Anything could happen in that time.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 20/02/2015 11:24

I had a friend who got married in Florida and said anyone who fancies a holiday please come but we will have a party in a pub on our return so no pressure. Easy. Why all this precious nonsense is tolerated I do not know!

PtolemysNeedle · 20/02/2015 11:26

YABU to feel like a selection of emoticons if there's no pressure on you to go.

It's only an invitation and you can say no if you don't want to pay that much.

Lunastarfish · 20/02/2015 11:37

Paying to travel and for accomodation is ok IMO. BUT it is incredibly rude to ask guests to pay for the reception! I think your friends are very cheekyand are taking advantage of everyone to get a cheap wedding and a free holiday. I bet they have a guest list too?

Lunastarfish · 20/02/2015 11:37

wedding list

firesidechat · 20/02/2015 12:01

Charging guests to attend the reception is never, ever ok. For that reason alone I would decline.

pilates · 20/02/2015 12:10

YADNBU

What, paying for the cost of the reception on top of all the rest of it?

Absolutely, no way!!!

hamptoncourt · 20/02/2015 12:13

A friend of mine committed to a wedding like this in South Africa and the wedding got called off so she lost a load of money.

No way would I do this unless that amount of money is peanuts to you.

Re DP, how long have you been together? Do you live together? Have DC? Joint finances? The answers to this would affect how I would feel about whether he is unreasonable in going without you.

sooperdooper · 20/02/2015 12:22

Why on earth are they expecting people to pay for the reception, how weird! I'd refuse to go on that basis alone!

How will the rest of the £13k be covered by guests??

I think if you get married abroad you have to let people make their own travel & accommodation/travel plans, any expectation of how long people will stay/where they stay and how they get there is completely unnecessary

skinoncustard · 20/02/2015 12:29

Be aware, that if you do decide to go that the cost will most likely rise
( and rise) as people drop out!

glammanana · 20/02/2015 12:32

Paying for your own food at the Reception you must be joking !! tell them thanks but no thanks and we will have a drink with you when you come back.
We have a family wedding in LVegas middle of next year there are 20 going but DS & future DIL are paying for all the Reception/Transport/Wedding bus etc we are facturing in a holiday at the same time as are her parents and that will still be costing us a pretty sum,they are however having a party for people who don't go the week following they come home,thing is you never know they could fall out before then one never knows what is around the corner.

jerryfudd · 20/02/2015 12:34

I wouldn't go even if it were close family let alone a uni friend

Bogeyface · 20/02/2015 12:36

No way would I be spending my money to pay for their wedding!

They want a £13k wedding, they can pay for it and as for charging for the reception, thats appallingly bad behaviour.

I would have a chat with your DP about how your costs are based on the number of the people they have invited, as skinon said, they are likely to shoot up when people start declining the invite.

FireflySerenity · 20/02/2015 12:44

Have to admit they are being honest rather than pretending by means of a cheesy poem to recoup the cash.

Not a chance on Earth I would be going though. Maybe they think it won't last and if they are not paying it doesn't matter.

callamia · 20/02/2015 12:55

Do you think anyone will go? Lovely if you've got friends with enough spare cash and holiday time, but I wouldn't go - it sounds terrible. And tacky.

DuchessofCuntbridge · 20/02/2015 13:11

I agree with everyone else that its ridiculous and if they want a £13k wedding they need to pay for it themselves.

What I don't get it... everyone seems to agree that things like this are bad form on MN and elsewhere, but are are still people out there that keep ding these things? Who on earth is teaching/telling them that these things are acceptable??? Also - there are TWO of them in the relationship, so TWO people in each situation think its ok!! This is so bizarre!

WD41 · 20/02/2015 13:18

They're effectively selling tickets to their own reception, which would be bad enough but given that you have to travel overseas, is just awful

I'd tell them to fuck off tbh.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 20/02/2015 13:24

No way on God's Green Earth would I go to a wedding that cost this much, not just because of finance but knowing that I was in effect ,I was paying towards their dream wedding.

Bollocks. to. that with big shiny bells on for good measure.

Bogeyface · 20/02/2015 13:27

What I don't get it... everyone seems to agree that things like this are bad form on MN and elsewhere, but are are still people out there that keep ding these things? Who on earth is teaching/telling them that these things are acceptable???

Get thee to a wedding forum! There are loads on the wedding magazine websites and they are places of utter lunacy!

Instead of what used to happen, which is if the bride got a bit silly she would be brought back down to earth by her friends and family, now there is a place for all the nutters to encourage each other. "Its YOUR SPESHULL DAY hun!!" "Its an honour to be asked to be a BM, of course they wont mind paying £1000 for the dress/shoes/diamond encrusted handbag" "Yes your best friend is a bitch because she wont go to the moon for your hen, sack her!" etc etc.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 20/02/2015 13:28

Yanbu
Its very cheeky of them.
And Id be pissed off with Dh if he thought he would be going but I might not.
Pissed off all round really.